V 


w  w  w  i-?     fi-  B  L>  r4  n  r\  I 
WM.LEWIS. 


r   ■    •  '  .* 


JAY 


ON 


MARRIAGE. 


THOUGHTS 


MARRIAGE 


ILLUSTRATING 


THE    PRINCIPLES    AND    OBLIGATIONS 


THE    MARRIAGE    RELATION. 


Arranged  from  the  Works  of 

Rev.  WILLIAM  JAY, 

AUTHOR   OF    "morning   AND    EVENING   EXERCISES. 


BOSTON : 

PUBLISHED    BY   JAMES    LORING. 

1833, 


CONTENTS. 


An  Essay  on  Marriage;  or,  the  Duty  of 
Christians  to  marry  religiously :  with  a  few 
Reflections  on  Imprudent  Marriages  ...       9 

The  Mutual  Duties  of  Husbands  and 
Wives  :   a  Discourse    occasioned   by  the 

Marriage  of  R S ,  Esq.,  of  M 

Preached  in  Argyle-Chapel,  Bath,  August 

16,  1801 55 

The  Wife's  Advocate  :  a  Discourse,  preach- 
ed, on  a  Marriage  Occasion 103 

A  Charge  intended  to  have  been  addressed 
to  the  Wife  of  a  Minister,  at  the  Ordination 
of  her  Husband 153 

Domestic  Happiness 219 


ESSAY    ON    MARRIAGE; 


I,    THE 


DUTY  OF  CHRISTIANS  TO  MAERY  RELIGIOUSLY: 


WITH  A   FEW   REFLECTIONS 


IMPRVDEJfT    MARRlJiOES. 


ADVERTISEMENT. 


We,  the  ministers  of  the  Wiltshire  Association,  assembled 
together  at  Melksham  this  day,  October  22,  1806  — deploring  the 
little  regard  of  late  years  paid  by  too  many  professors  of  religion, 
to  the  Christian  rule  of  marriage ;  and  deeming  it  desirable  that 
the  attention  of  the  public  in  general,  and  our  own  churches  in 
particular,  should  be  called  to  this  subject,  do  unanimously  request 
the  Rev.  Wm.  Jay  to  publish  some  strictures  upon  it ;  and  the 
more  so,  as  he  has  already  set  forth  a  Sermon  on  the  Duties  of 
Husbands  and  Wives,  which  has  met  with  great  acceptance. 
Signed 

On  behalf  of  the  Association, 


Georoe  Maiitel,  Chairman. 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 


CHAPTER  I. 

THE  PECULIARITY  AND  IMPORTANCE  OF  THE  MAR- 
RIAGE RELATION. ...THE  POSSIBILITY  OF  KNOWING 
THE  WILL  OF  GOD  IN  THIS  AFFAIR....THE  LAW 
LAID  DOWN. 

How  wonderful  is  it,  that  two  persons,  who 
perhaps  never  met  before,  should  by  a  train 
of  circumstances  be  brought  together,  obtain  a 
peculiar  propriety  in  each  other,  and  form  one 
absolute  communion  of  wishes,  joys  and  sor- 
rows ! 

If  we  compare  this  relation  with  other  con- 
nexions, we  shall  find  it  surpasses  them  all. 
Are  other  unions  optional'^  They  may  be 
limited  in  their  continuance,  or  terminated  at 
2 


10  ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE. 

pleasure.  But  this  is  permanent,  and  indisso- 
luble. You  cannot  marry  for  a  given  period. 
It  is  for  life.  Are  other  unions  natural'^ 
Intimate  indeed  is  the  relation  between  brother 
and  sister :  tender  is  the  relation  between 
parents  and  children,  especially  between  the 
mother  and  '  the  son  of  her  womb.'  '  But  for 
this  cause  shall  a  man  leave  his  father  and 
mother,  and  shall  be  joined  unto  his  wife,  and 
they  two  shall  be  on.e  flesh.  What  God  hath 
joined  together,  let  no  man  put  asunder.' 

The  marriage  connexion  therefore  is  the 
most  singular,  and  the  most  important.  Hence 
it  can  never  be  viewed  with  indifference.  It 
cannot  be  carelessly  contemplated  by  legisla- 
tors, by  politicians,  by  moralists,  by  divines. 
And  can  it  be  slightingly  regarded  by  the 
individuals  themselves?  The  effects  extend 
to  families  and  communities  ;  but  how  much 
more  powerfully  must  the  consequences  affect 
the  parties  immediately  concerned  ?  Can  the 
scripture,  always  alive  to  the  welfare  of  man, 
Can  the  scripture  pass  by  such  a  relation  ? 
Impossible.  It  shows  us  its  divine  institution 
and  benediction  in  Paradise.     It  shows  us  our 


ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE.  H 

Saviour  gracing  with  his  presence  the  celebra- 
tion- of  a  marriage  at  Cana  in  Galilee,  and 
displaying  '  his  glory'  by  working  a  miracle  to 
preserve  the  new-married  couple  from  embar- 
rassment and  mortification.  It  shows  us  in 
this  condition,  characters  the  most  eminent  and 
distinguished  for  piety  and  usefulness  ;  witness 
Enoch,  and  Peter,  and  James,  and  John.  It 
brands  with  infamy  the  doctrine  that  '  forbids 
to  marry.'  It  often  employs  the  connexion 
as  the  image  of  the  union  subsisting  between 
Christ  and  the  church.  It  assures  us  that 
'  Marriage  is  honourable  in  all,  and  the  bed 
undefiled  :  but  whoremongers  and  adulterers 
God  will  judge.' 

It  is  obvious  therefore  that  the  scripture  is 
far  from  discouraging  marriage.  But  what  it 
does  not  condemn,  it  is  careful  to  regulate. 
Let  us  then,  my  Christian  friends,  look  after 
the  will  of  God  in  this  momentous  and  inter- 
esting subject. 

If  ever  we  err,  it  is  not  from  any  defect  in 
the  scripture,  but  because  there  is  some  *  oc- 
casion of  stumbling  in  us  :'  some  inattention 
that  hinders  examination,  or  some  prejudice 


12  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

that  perverts  it.  His  word  is  '  a  lamp  unto 
our  feet,  and  a  light  unto  our  paths.'  There 
is  a  sufficiency  in  it  for  all  the  useful  purposes 
of  Mife  and  godhness.'  Can  a  man  ask  at 
these  '  lively  oracles,'  how  he  is  to  conduct 
himself  in  prosperity  or  adversity ;  can  he 
inquire  how  he  is  to  govern  his  family,  and 
train  up  his  children  ;  and  be  at  a  loss  for  an 
answer  ?'  '  He  may  run  that  readeth.'  So 
it  is  in  the  case  before  us.  If  Christians  are 
really  desirous  of  knowing  with  whom,  in  mar- 
riage aUiance,  they  are  to  unite  themselves, 
we  make  no  scruple  to  say,  the  revealed  will 
of  God  is  decisive  and  clear :    It  restricts 

THEIR  CHOICE  TO  RELIGIOUS  CHARACTER 
ONLY. 


CHAPTER  11. 

THIS    LAW   ARGUED   AND    ESTABLISHED. 

If  nothing  express  had  been  said  on  this 
subject,  the  conclusion  might  fairly  have  been 
drawn,  from  these  general  commands  which 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  13 

forbid  all  chosen  and  needless  association  with 
the  irreligious,  founded  on  the  danger  of  con- 
tamination. 

The  case  may  be  confirmed  in  no  inconsid- 
erable degree  from  the  state  of  the  Jews.  It 
is  scarcely  necessary  to  mention,  that  the  Jews 
were  forbidden  to  marry  with  the  surrounding 
nations.  But  it  may  be  proper  to  state  two 
objections. 

First.  It  may  be  said  that  the  prohibition 
was  confined  to  the  seven  accursed  nations  of 
Canaan.  But  this  was  not  the  case.  Am- 
monites, Moabites,  and  Egyptians  are  reckoned 
by  Ezra  among  those  from  whom  the  returned 
Israelites  were  to  be  separated  ;  and  none  of 
these  belonged  to  the  race  thus  devoted  to 
extermination. 

Secondly.  It  may  be  supposed  that  this 
law  was  political,  and  regarded  this  people 
only  in  their  civil  and  national  capacity.  But 
the  futility  of  this  will  be  demonstrated  by 
remarking,  first,  that  they  were  allowed  to 
marry  with  individuals  of  any  of  the  neigh- 
bouring countries  when  they  became  prose- 
lytes.    This  shows  that  the  interdiction  re- 


14  ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE. 

garded  not  their  nation  but  their  religion.  And 
secondly,  that  the  reason  always  assigned  as 
the  ground  of  the  prohibition  is  not  political, 
but  moral,  and  therefore  universally  and  con- 
stantly binding.  Thus  we  find  Moses  saying, 
^  Neither  shalt  thou  make  marriages  with  them  : 
thy  daughter  thou  shalt  not  give  unto  his  son ; 
nor  his  daughter  shalt  thou  take  unto  thy  son. 
For  they  will  turn  away  thy  son  from  following 
me,  that  they  may  serve  other  gods  :  so  will 
the  anger  of  the  Lord  be  kindled  against  you, 
and  destroy  thee  suddenly.' 

But  to  come  nearer.  Have  we  not  in  the 
New  Testament  a  prohibition  the  most  explic- 
it ?  *  Be  ye  not  unequally  yoked  together 
with  unbelievers.'  We  are  aware  that  some 
are  disposed  to  take  this  scripture  in  a  larger 
sense,  as  forbidding  to  join  with  such  persons 
in  church  communion.  But  in  answer  to  this, 
not  to  remark,  what  we  think  cannot  be  denied, 
that  the  expression  of  yoke-fellow  is  more  used 
in  reference  to  marriage  than  to  church  com- 
munion ;  the  former  application  of  it  being  the 
natural  and  original,  the  latter  of  course  only 
the  borrowed  and  secondary;   I  say,  not  to 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE,  15 

avail  ourselves  of  this  circumstance,  we  ob- 
serve, that  we  have  nothing  to  fear  from  ad- 
mitting the  explanation  proposed.  For  if 
Christians  are  forbidden  to  join  with  unbelievers 
in  church  communion,  surely  they  are  equally 
enjoined  not  to  enter  with  them  into  marriage 
contract.  What !  were  the  converted  Corin- 
thians commanded  to  *  come  out  from  among 
them  :'  and  yet  be  permitted  to  enter  into  the 
closest  affinity  with  them  ?  Were  they  ordered 
to  be  separate  and  not  to  *  touch  the  unclean 
thing :'  and  yet  be  allowed  to  become  one 
body?  Was  there  to  be  no  *  fellowship  be- 
tween righteousness  and  unrighteousness,  be- 
tween light  and  darkness :'  and  yet  were  these 
to  be  united  forever  ?  Was  '  he  that  beheveth 
to  have  no  part  with  an  infidel,'  and  yet  suffer 
them  to  be  partners  for  life  ?  Was  '  the  temple 
of  God  to  have  nothing  to  do  with  idols,'  and 
yet  were  idols  to  be  set  up  within  its  walls  ? 

But  if  this  be  not  deemed  sufficient  to 
establish  our  doctrine,  let  us  attend  to  the 
language  of  the  apostle  when  speaking  ex- 
pressly of  marriage.  '  The  wife,'  says  he,  ^  is 
bound  by  the  law,  as  long  as  her  husband 


16  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

liveth  :  but  if  her  husband  be  dead,  she  is  at 
liberty  to  be  married  to  whom  she  will :  only 
in  the  Lord.'  Now  though  this  be  stated,  as 
the  occasion  of  the  words  required,  in  reference 
to  a  widow,  the  limitation  unquestionably  ex- 
tends to  all  Christians  in  the  same  relative 
circumstances.  This  then  is  the  law  of  the 
house.  This  is  the  indispensable  considera- 
tion— ONLY  IN  THE  LoRD.  Thus  the  wiU 
of  God  is  fully  made  known,  and  there  are  two 
things  we  ought  to  remark  with  regard  to  it. 

First,  He  cannot  err  in  his  decision.  His 
^judgment  is  always  according  to  truth.  His 
understanding  is  infinite.'  He  views  a  subject 
in  all  its  bearings,  in  all  its  consequences,  in 
all  the  possibilities  of  its  operation.  He  sees 
effects  in  their  causes.  He  knows  the  end 
from  the  beginning.  He  perceives  how  we 
should  think,  feel,  and  act  in  every  untried 
state  of  being.  How  qualified  therefore  is  he 
to  undertake  to  direct  us  !  And  to  what  im- 
plicit respect  and  absolute  compliance  is  the 
determination  of  such  an  adviser  entitled  ! 

But  secondly,  we  should  remember  that  his 
counsel  is  not  advice j  but  command.    Consid- 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  17 

ered  indeed  as  speaking  from  a  regard  to  our 
welfare,  a  love  to  our  souls,  he  is  the  friendly- 
monitor  :  but  as  to  our  obligation  to  obey,  and 
the  danger  we  incur  by  trangression,  there  he 
is  nothing  less  than  a  Sovereign.  It  is  at  your 
peril  to  cast  any  of  his  words  behind  your 
back.  '  See  that  ye  refuse  not  Him  that 
speaketh.' 


CHAPTER  III. 

THE    EVILS    OF    TRANSGRESSING    THE    INJUNCTION 
VARIOUSLY  VIEWED. 

If  people  were  as  easily  satisfied  in  receiving 
truth  as  they  are  in  opposing  it ;  if  no  more 
was  needful  to  influence  the  practice  than  to 
produce  conviction  ;  it  might  be  unnecessary 
to  enlarge  after  the  adduction  of  the  preceding 
arguments.  But  alas  I  in  spiritual  concerns 
men  venture  their  souls  on  such  trifling  evi- 
dence, as,  were  it  to  govern  them  in  their 
temporal  affairs,  would  lead  their  fellow  crea- 


18  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

tures  to  conclude  that  they  were  either  mad- 
men or  idiots.  Here  we  need  *  line  upon  line  ; 
precept  upon  precept.'  Let  us  then  specify 
some  of  the  disadvantages  and  injuries  that 
arise  from  an  infraction  of  this  law  among  pro- 
fessors of  religion.    And  here  we  may  observe, 

That  it  scandalizes  others.  It  counteracts, 
discourages,  and  confounds  ministers.  It  in- 
jures the  minds  of  your  fellow  Christians.  It 
proves  a  distress  to  the  strong,  and  '  a  stum- 
bling-block to  the  weak.'  It  turns  that '  which 
is  lame  out  of  the  way.'  To  your  pious  rela- 
tions, it  occasions  the  most  painful  regret  and 
anxiety.  '  And  Esau  was  forty  years  old 
when  he  took  to  wife  Judith  the  daughter  of 
Beeri  the  Hittite,  and  Bashemath  the  daughter 
of  Elon  the  Hittite,  who  were  a  grief  of  mind 
unto  Isaac  and  Rebekah.  And  Rebekah  said 
to  Isaac,  I  am  weary  of  my  life,  because  of  the 
daughters  of  Heth  :  if  Jacob  take  a  wife  of  the 
daughters  of  Heth,  such  as  these  who  are  of 
the  daughters  of  the  land,  what  good  shall  my 
life  do  me  ?' 

It  excites  suspicion  of  your  own  religion. 
At  least  it  shows  that  you  are  not  alive  to  its 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  19 

principles  and  privileges :  that  if  you  ask  its 
advice,  you  can  follow  your  own  opinion  ;  and 
that  if  you  profess  to  please  it,  you  are  not 
afraid  to  offend  it.  Would  you  marry  an  en- 
emy of  your  own,  before  you  believed  there 
was  a  change  of  disposition  wrought  in  him  ? 
And  why  ?  Because  you  love  yourselves  — 
this  would  prevent  it.  And  if  the  love  of  God 
prevailed  in  your  hearts,  would  you  marry  an 
enemy  to  God  before  you  discerned  in  him  an 
evidence  of  conversion  ?  '  Do  not  1  hate  them, 
O  Lord,  that  hate  thee,  and  am  not  I  grieved 
with  those  that  rise  up  against  thee  ?  I  hate 
them  with  perfect  hatred.  1  count  them  mine 
enemies.'  '  What  do  ye  more  than  others  ?' 
Should  not  the  line  of  distinction  between  the 
church  and  the  world  be  not  only  real,  but 
visible  ?  Should  not  the  Christian  universally 
appear  ?  Are  not  his  choice  and  refusal,  as 
well  as  his  sorrow  and  joy,  to  evince  the  em- 
pire of  religion  ?  '  Whatsoever  ye  do  in  word 
or  deed,  do  all  in  the  name  of  the  Lord  Jesus. 
Whether  therefore  ye  eat  or  drink,  or  whatever 
ye  do,  do  all  to  the  glory  of  God.'  These 
are  the  injunctions  of  God.     And  w^e  are  to 


20  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

*  esteem  all  his  commandments  concerning  all 
things  to  be  right,  and  to  hate  every  false  way.' 
Again.  We  call  upon  you  to  remember 
the  duties  enjoined  upon  Christians  with  regard 
to  their  households.  The  discharge  of  these 
duties  in  married  life  requires  union,  counte- 
nance, assistance.  They  cannot  be  performed 
to  advantage,  if  at  all,  where  in  the  heads  of 
the  family,  there  is  a  contrariety  of  convictions, 
dispositions,  and  pursuits.  Peter  therefore 
enforces  his  admonition  upon  husbands  and 
wives  by  this  motive,  '  that  your  prayers  be 
not  hindered.'  For  imagine  the  case  we  are 
condemning.  Does  the  man  seek  the  glory 
of  God  in  all  he  does,  and  the  woman  her  own 
glory  ?  Does  the  woman  make  the  will  of 
God  her  rule,  and  the  man  his  own  will  ? 
Instead  of  striving  together,  they  draw  ad- 
versely, and  the  design  of  the  union  is  defeated. 
Are  there  children  ?  Some  will  be  likely  to 
adhere  to  the  father ;  some  to  the  mother. 
Are  there  servants  ?  Some  will  be  likely  to 
attach  themselves  to  the  master  ;  some  to  the 
mistress.  Thus  the  husband  and  wife  will 
probably  keep  a  perpetual  watch  over  each 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE,  21 

Other,  unwilling  to  lose  any  of  their  respective 
influence ;  and  the  house  will  be  divided 
against  itself. 

We  observe  also,  that  we  personally  need 
every  assistance  we  can  receive  in  our  passage 
to  heaven.  There  is  surely  enough  in  our- 
selves, and  in  the  way  we  travel,  to  keep  us 
back  without  engaging  any  one  constantly  to 
retard  our  progress,  either  by  opposition  or 
diversion  !  What  need  often  have  we  of 
counsel  in  spiritual  darkness  and  doubts  ;  of 
comfort  in  soul-trouble  ;  of  stimulation  by 
reproof  or  example  in  our  religious  languors  ! 
*  Two  are  better  than  one,  because  they  have 
a  good  reward  for  their  labour.  For  if  they 
fall,  the  one  will  hft  up  his  fellow :  but  wo  to 
him  that  is  alone  when  he  walketh  :  for  there 
is  not  another  to  help  him  up.'  He  is  a  friend 
indeed,  who  knows  the  road,  will  journey  with 
us,  and  afford  us  seasonable  succour :  but 
what  assistance  is  to  be  derived  from  one  who 
has  no  eyes  or  hands,  or  who  is  going  in  a 
contrary  direction  ?  Is  it  enough  when  we 
want  daily  and  hourly  support,  that  a  compan- 
ion will  not  try  to  interrupt  us  ? 


22  ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE. 

For  here — and  this  is  another  consideration 
— here  not  to  help,  is  to  hinder.  The  very- 
attraction  of  the  mind  from  high  and  holy 
things  by  continual  discourse  about  other  sub- 
jects, will  be  no  inconsiderable  detriment. 
For  it  is  by  the  frequent  recurrence  of  divine 
things  in  our  thoughts  and  in  our  conversation, 
that  we  become  spiritually-minded,  and  con- 
tinue so.  Pious  emotions  may  be  starved, 
where  they  are  not  assassinated.  Fire  will 
be  extinguished  immediately  by  water :  but  it 
will  go  out  in  time,  even  for  want  of  fuel. 

But  we  do  not  go  too  far  when  we  say,  that 
an  irreligious  connexion  is  likely  to  prove  the 
most  effectual  instrument  in  the  world  to  injure 
us,  not  only  by  weakening  impressions,  chilling 
our  affections,  and  drawing  us  off  by  degrees 
from  various  duties,  but  also  by  perverting  the 
judgment,  and  enticing  to  sin.  '  They  were 
mingled  with  the  heathen,  and  learned  their 
works  ;  and  they  served  their  idols  wiiich 
became  a  snare  unto  them.'  *  Evil  communi- 
cations cormpt  good  manners.'  And  here 
several  additional  things  should  be  seriously 
considered.     For  instance, 


ESSAY   ON  MARRIAGE.  23 

The  example  is  near — is  always  in  sight. 

Evil  has  more  power  over  us  than  good. 
An  oath  when  heard,  will  make  a  deeper  im- 
pression than  a  prayer.  Profane  images  are 
more  easily  retained  in  the  mind  than  pure 
ones.  Evil  falls  in  with  our  depravity  ;  and 
always  finds  in  us  a  friend  to  w^elcome  and  to 
strengthen  it. 

The  danger  is  greater  if  the  unconverted 
party  be  the  husband,  as  he  has  the  advantage 
of  superior  authority  and  influence. 

The  more  attachment  there  is,  the  greater 
the  hazard  of  moral  injury  :  for  affection  is 
wonderfully  assimilating.  like  fire,  it  reduces 
every  thing  it  seizes  into  its  own  nature.  We 
are  always  in  a  great  measure  the  same  with 
the  object  of  our  regard.  The  image,  by  its 
frequent  entrance  into  the  mind,  and  by  its 
residence  there,  leaves  its  impression  and  re- 
semblance. 

But  if  you  should  escape  unhurt  morally, 
which  would  be  little  less  than  a  miracle,  still 
you  may  experience  bitter  trials  ;  and  under 
these  crosses  you  will  not  be  able  to  look  up  to 
God  for  support  aud  deliverance  with  t]ie  same 


24  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

cheerfulness  and  confidence  you  would  feel  if 
they  were  afflictions  of  his  sending.  But  you 
have  chosen  them.  Hence  painful  reflections 
of  mind.  Hence  you  may  expect  to  hear  as 
the  inquiry  of  conscience,  and  as  the  censure 
of  Providence  :  'Hast  thou  not  procured  this 
unto  thyself.  Thou  hast  done  foolishly ;  from 
henceforth  thou  shalt  have  wars.'  Yea,  some- 
thing of  this  kind  must  be  expected  :  '  If  my 
children  forsake  my  law,  and  walk  not  in  my 
judgments :  if  they  break  my  statutes,  and 
keep  not  my  commandments  :  then  will  I  visit 
their  transgressions  with  a  rod,  and  their  in- 
iquity with  stripes.'  He  has  said  '  If  ye  walk 
contrary  to  me,  I  also  will  walk  contrary  to 
you.'  And  he  is  a  faithful  God.  And  he  is 
able  to  make  good  his  word.  He  can  take 
satisfaction  out  of  our  chosen  delights.  He 
can  remove  them  in  his  anger.  He  can  leave 
them  to  produce  leanness  in  our  souls.  Though 
he  forgives  the  iniquities  of  his  people,  he 
takes  vengeance  on  their  inventions. 

To  which  we  may  add,  and  these  are  nat- 
ural and  unavoidable  consequences,  the  painful 
anxiousness  of  living  with  those  from  whom  you 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  25 

fear  that  you  shall  be  separated  forever  ;  and 
the  peculiar  disagreeableness  of  being  connect- 
ed with  those  who  are  incapable  of  the  princi- 
pal part  of  your  affection.  Love  them  you 
may  indeed  as  husband  or  wife  ;  but  not  as 
believers  ;  not  as  followers  of  our  Lord,  to 
whom  you  are  allied  by  stronger  ties  than 
human,  and  which  can  never  be  dissolved. 
Must  not  this  be  a  vast  deduction  of  happiness  ; 
a  bitter  ingredient  in  the  cup  ;  a  kind  of  daily 
death  ? 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE   MISCHIEF    HISTORICALLY   CONSIDERED. 

We  may  take  another  view  of  the  breach 
of  this  law,  and  see  the  evils  that  resulted  from 
it  as  natural  effects,  or  as  judgments  from  God, 
as  they  are  held  forth  in  the  scriptures  of  truth. 

This  was  the  particular  sin  for  which'  God 
drowned  the  old  w^orld. 
3 


26  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

Some  of  Lot's  daughters  married  in  Sodom, 
and  perished  in  the  overthrow. 

Both  Ishmael  and  Esau  married  irrehgious- 
ly,  and  both  were  rejected,  and  turned  perse- 
cutors. 

The  first  blasphemer  that  was  stoned  by 
God's  command  is  marked  as  an  offspring  of 
one  of  these  marriages — his  mother  had  es- 
poused an  Egyptian. 

The  first  captivity  of  the  Jews  after  their 
settlement  in  the  Holy  Land  is  ascribed  to  this 
cause.  The  whole  passage  is  very  instructive. 
It  is  said  that  the  remains  of  the  nations  '  were 
to  prove  Israel,  to  know  whether  they  would 
hearken  unto  the  commandment  of  the  Lord, 
which  he  commanded  their  fathers  by  the  hand 
of  Moses.  And  the  children  of  Israel  dwelt 
among  the  Canaanites,  Hittites,  and  Amorites, 
and  Perizzites,  and  Hivites,  and  Jebusites  : 
and  they  took  their  daughters  to  be  their  wives, 
and  gave  their  daughters  to  their  sons,  and 
served  their  gods.  And  the  children  of  Israel 
did  evil  in  the  sight  of  the  Lord,  and  forgat 
the  Lord  their  God,  and  served  Baalim  and 
the  groves  :    therefore  the  anger  of  the  Lord 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  27 

was  hot  against  Israel,  and  he  sold  them  into 
the  hand  of  Chushan-rishathaim,  king  of  Mes- 
opotamia :  and  the  children  of  Israel  served 
Chushan-rishathaim  eight  years.' 

David  married  the  daughter  of  Talmai, 
king  of  Geshur,  by  whom  he  had  Absalom, — 
the  disgrace  and  curse  of  his  family. 

The  case  of  Solomon  is  a  warning  to  all  ages. 

His  son  Rehoboam,  that  lost  the  ten  tribes, 
sprang  from  one  of  these  forbidden  marriages 
— his  mother  was  an  Ammonitess. 

The  marriage  of  Ahab  is  thus  awfully  no- 
ticed :  '  And  it  came  to  pass,  as  if  it  had  been 
a  light 'thing  for  him  to  walk  in  the  sins  of 
Jeroboam  the  son  of  Nebat,  that  he  took  to 
wife  Jezebel,  the  daughter  of  Ethball,  king  of 
the  Zidonians,  and  went  and  served  Baal  and 
worshipped  him.  But  there  was  none  like 
unto  Ahab,  who  did  sell  himself  to  work  wick- 
edness in  the  sight  of  the  Lord,  whom  Jezebel 
his  wife  stirred  up.' 

What  was  it  that  Ezra  so  grievously  la- 
mented, and  so  sharply  reproved  ?  It  was, 
that  '  the  holy  seed  had  mingled  themselves 
with  the  people  of  the  land.' 


28  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

And  what  says  the  zealous  reformer,  Ne- 
hemiah  ?  '  Their  children  spake  half  in  the 
speech  of  Ashdod,  and  could  not  speak  in  the 
Jews'  language,  but  according  to  the  language 
of  each  people.  And  I  contended  with  them, 
and  cursed  them,  and  smote  certain  of  them, 
and  plucked  off  their  hair,  and  made  them 
swear  by  God,  saying.  Ye  shall  not  give  your 
daughters  unto  their  sons,  nor  take  their  daugh- 
ters unto  your  sons,  or  for  yourselves.  Did 
not  Solomon  king  of  Israel  sin  by  these  things  ! 
Yet  among  many  nations  was  there  no  king 
like  him,  who  was  beloved  of  his  God,  and 
God  made  him  king  over  all  Israel :  never- 
theless even  him  did  outlandish  women  cause 
to  sin.  Shall  we  then  hearken  unto  you  to 
do  all  this  great  evil,  to  transgress  against  our 
God  in  marrying  strange  wives  !' 

'  Now  these  things  were  our  examples,  to 
the  intent  we  should  not  lust  after  evil  things, 
as  they  also  lusted,' 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  29 


CHAPTER  V. 

EXCUSES    TO    JUSTIFY   DEVIATION   FROM   IT 
EXAMINED. 

In  the  history  of  the  church  recorded  in  the 
New  Testament,  we  find  no  instances  similar 
to  those  which  have  been  remarked  in  the 
preceding  chapter.  The  rule  was  too  clearly- 
understood,  and  the  reasons  on  which  it  was 
founded,  were  too  powerfully  felt,  to  allow  of 
its  violation  by  the  primitive  Christians.  And 
indeed  one  would  suppose  that  a  godly  char- 
acter would  stand  in  need  of  no  positive  pro- 
hibitbn  in  such  a  case  as  this.  It  might  be 
expected  that  his  very  feelings  would  secure 
him.  For  surely  a  kind  of  violence  must  be 
offered  \o  his  dispositions  and  principles  before 
such  a  st^p  can  be  taken.  Accordingly  some- 
thing of  this  nature  is  often  pleaded.  They 
feel  religiovis  reluctance,  but  speak  as  if  it 
WERE  to  be,  and  must  be.  Let  us  examine 
this,  and  see  vhether  it  be  their  fate  or  their 
folly. 


30  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

Sometimes  they  plead  peculiar  circumstan- 
ces which  seem  to  countenance  it.  As  this  is 
a  very  common  excuse,  and  by  which  many 
are  deluded,  it  demands  some  notice.  And 
forever  to  check  all  encouragement  derived 
from  this  quarter,  let  the  following  things  be 
maturely  considered.  That  such  prognostics 
are  rarely,  if  ever,  remarked,  but  when  they 
fall  in  with  our  determination,  or  at  least  with 
our  propensity.  That  when  a  man  '  receives 
not  the  love  of  the  truth,  God  may  give  him 
up  to  strong  delusion  to  believe  a  lie.  Thac 
thus  saith  the  Lord  God  ;  every  man  of  the 
house  of  Israel,  that  setteth  up  his  idols  in  Ms 
heart,  and  putteth  the  stumbling-block  of  his 
iniquity  before  his  face,  and  cometh  to  the 
prophet :  I  the  Lord  will  answer  hirr  that 
cometh  according  to  the  multitude  of  his  idols  : 
that  I  may  take  the  house  of  Israel  I'n  their 
own  heart,  because  they  are  all  estrarged  from 
me  through  their  idols.'  That  aftar  he  has 
expressly  said  to  Balaam  '  go  not,'  and  he  finds 
him  still  longing  for  the  enterprise,  he  can  say, 
by  an  irony  which  the  eager  mird  will  mistake 
for  reality,  'go.'     That  Jonal,  was  deceived 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  31 

if  he  supposed,  that  when  fleeing  from  the 
presence  of  the  Lord,  it  was  very  providential 
for  him  to  find  a  vessel  just  ready  to  sail  for 
Tarshish.  That  circumstances  and  events  are 
equivocal,  having  occurred  at  different  times 
with  the  most  contradictory  aspects.  That 
the  word  of  God  is  our  only  guide,  and  that 
only  while  walking  by  this  rule  shall  mercy 
and  peace  be  upon  us.  That  we  are  to  lay 
stress  on  nothing,  however  singular  or  striking, 
that  opposes  the  revealed  will  of  God.  That 
the  death  of  a  prophet  slain  by  a  lion  w^as 
WTitten  to  teach  us  this  very  truth  :  he  had 
received  an  express  command  in  which  ha 
could  not  be  mistaken,  and  he  yi§lded  to 
another  specious  suggestion  as  coming  from 
God,  concerning  which  he  could  not  be  sure. 

But  there  is  another  justification  often  urged. 
It  is  the  prospect  of  being  useful.  This  also 
is  common,  and  has  often  ensnared  those  who 
ought  to  '  walk  circumspectly  ;  not  as  fools, 
but  as  wise.'  Here  permit  me  to  ask  you  thq 
following  questions. 

Are  we  to  do  evil  that  good  may  come  ? 
It  is  desirable  for  a  generous  Christian  to  havQ 


32  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

property  ;  he  will  do  good  with  it.  But  is 
he  to  steal  or  rob  in  order  to  obtain  it  ? 

Is  marriage  to  be  considered  as  one  of  the 
means  of  grace  ?  Is  it  ever  spoken  of  in 
scripture,  as  intended  for  the  conversion  of 
souls  ?  Is  it  any  where  prescribed  for  this 
purpose  ? 

Promises  and  appearances  may  induce  a 
pleasing  hope  during  the  formation  of  the  con- 
nexion ;  but  may  not  these  be  very  fallacious  ? 
To  admit  this,  it  is  not  necessary  to  suppose 
that  the  individual  is  vile  enough  to  deceive 
wilfully — yet  this  has  frequently  been  the 
case  ;  and  a  regard  to  the  forms  of  evangelical 
religion,  has  been  a  mere  pretence,  gradually 
thrown  off  as  the  inducement  for  using  it  ceased 
— but  it  is  not  necessary  to  charge  a  man  with 
hypocrisy.  There  are  many  powerful  emotions 
that  are  very  sincere,  and  yet  not  durable. 
The  mind  may  be  softened  by  affection  ;  and 
view  every  thing  in  reference  to  its  favourite 
purpose.  Men  know  not  themselves  ;  they 
are  not  aware  how  they  may  feel  in  new  and 
untried  situations.  The  godliness  which  they 
seem  even  to  admire  in  the  general  indistinct 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  33 

notion,  and  while  at  a  distance,  may  become 
very  irksome  when  brought  near  and  acted 
upon  in  every  instance  of  hfe :  yea  it  must  be 
offensive,  at  least  in  all  its  more  spiritual  parts 
and  exercises,  to  every  natural  man.  Who, 
that  is  not  alive  to  his  religious  improvement, 
is  likely  to  love  an  example  that  continually 
admonishes  and  condemns  ?  Who  that  is  try- 
ing 10  go  to  sleep  loves  a  noise  ?  Who  that 
wishes  to  remain  in  darkness  can  be  fond  of 
light — especially  placed  so  near  ? 

Is  it  not  more  consistent  with  a  becomin<y 
diffidence  of  yourselves  to  fear  that  you  should 
be  injured  by  the  irreligious,  rather  than  that 
the  irreligious  should  be  benefitted  by  you  ? 
We  have  already  shown  the  danger  of  this  in 
fact,  and  which  has  led  an  ingenuous  author 
to  remark,  that  he  who  would  pull  another  out 
of  a  pit  had  need  stand  firm,  or  he  may  be 
pulled  in.  We  have  already  mentioned  Solo- 
mon. Whether  Solomon  hoped  to  bring  over 
Pharoah's  daughter  to  worship  the  true  God 
we  know  not,  but  we  do  know  that  she  brought 
him  over  to  worship  a  false  one.  But  we 
have  now  to  do  only  with  the  apprehension 
4 


34  ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE. 

and  impression  of  this  triuh.  Is  it  consistent 
with  humihty  to  suppose  that  you  can  stand 
where  others,  and  some  of  them  far  superior 
to  yourselves,  have  fallen  ?  Is  it  consistent 
with  a  proper  sense  of  your  own  weakness  to 
rush  into  extreme  perils,  confident,  not  only 
that  you  shall  be  secure  there,  but  even  do 
o-ood  ?  The  very  imagination  forebodes  ilL 
It  looks  like  the  pride  that  goes  before  de- 
struction, and  the  haughty  spirit  that  precedes 
a  fall.  Indeed,  it  is  righteous  in  God  to  suffer 
us  to  fall,  when,  disobeying  his  command,  we 
renounce  his  protection,  and  venture  to  proceed 
without  him. 

Again.  As  you  conclude  that  your  com- 
panion being  ungodly  will  not  be  able  to  make 
you  irreligious  ;  what  authorizes  you  to  think 
that  your  being  godly  will  be  able  to  make 
him  religious  ?  Surely  out  of  your  own  mouth 
you  are  condemned  ;  for  the  very  principle 
upon  which  you  proceed  with  regard  to  your- 
self should  reduce  the  confidence  you  indulge 
with  regard  to  him.  If  you  have  no  fear  that 
he  can  impress  and  influence  you,  you  should 
have  no  hope  that  you  can  impress  and  influ- 


ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE.  35 

ence  him.  If  you  believe  that  your  love  to 
him  will  not  alter  you,  you  ought  not  to  believe 
that  his  love  to  you  will  alter  him. 

And  do  you  consider  what  human  nature 
is  ?  Do  you  consider  what  real  religion  is  ? 
If  so,  surely  you  would  not  think  so  lightly  of 
accomplishing  the  conversion  of  a  soul  as  you 
now  seem  to  do.  If  the  process  be  so  easy, 
why  are  so  few  converted  at  all  ?  Why  do 
not  all  those,  who  have  dear  connexions,  con- 
vert those  whom  they  love  and  by  whom  they 
are  beloved  ? 

But  you  say,  You  do  not  expect  the  result 
independent  of  God's  influence  and  blessing  : 
but  is  not  he  able  to  convert  them  ?  He  is. 
And  we  have  reason  to  believe  he  has  in  some 
cases  employed  his  power.  For  we  cannot 
go  the  length  of  Dr.  Doddridge,  who  has 
remarked,  that  where  Christians  have  know^- 
ingly  espoused  irreligious  characters,  he  never 
knew  an  instance  of  the  conversion  of  one  of 
them  afterwards.  But  I  ask,  would  you  take 
up  an  affair  so  important  on  a  ground  so  slen- 
der ?  On  a  mere  possibility  ?  For  probability 
there  is  none.     You  would  not  like  to  marry 


36  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

a  condemned  criminal,  because  he  may  be 
pardoned  or  reprieved.  God  can  make  a 
beggar  a  gentleman,  and  yet  I  presume  you 
would  not  like  to  take  him  on  this  presump- 
tion ;  you  would  rather  reckon  certainly  upon 
a  little  wealth.  Why  then  marry  an  uncon- 
verted sinner,  because  God  may,  because  God 
can,  call  him  by  his  grace  ? 

Besides,  if  the  acceptance  and  success  of 
all  our  endeavours  depend  wholly  upon  his 
favour,  can  it  be  a,  rational  way  to  attain  our 
wishes,  to  slight  his  authority,  and  to  provoke 
his  anger  by  disobedience  ? 

But,  to  conclude.  Even  if  God  should 
overrule  such  a  connexion  for  good,  you  will 
remember  that  this  is  his  work,  and  the  glory 
belongs  to  him.  It  does  not  prove  that  you 
have  done  right ;  nor  can  it  free  the  mind 
from  distress  in  review.  For  you  cannot  be 
so  ignorant  as  not  to  be  able  to  distinguish 
between  your  unrighteousness,  and  the  divine 
goodness  that  has  thus  blest  you,  notwith- 
standing all  your  desert. 


ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE.  37 


CHAPTER  VI. 

IN  WHAT  CASES  THIS  LAW  IS  NOT  BROKEN,  THOUGH 
BOTH  THE  PARTIES  BE  NOT  RELIGIOUS. 

We  have  thus  endeavoured,  by  placing  the 
subject  in  various  points  of  light,  to  prove,  that 
Christians  in  the  business  of  marriage  ought  to 
confine  their  choice  to  pious  characters  only. 
But  to  relieve  the  minds  of  some  who  deserve 
pity  rather  than  censure,  let  me  remark  two 
or  three  instances  in  which  the  rule  laid  down 
is  not  transgressed. 

First.  It  sometimes  happens  that  both 
parties  are  ignorant  of  divine  things  at  the 
time  of  marriage,  and  one  is  called  afterward. 
When  this  is  the  case,  the  blame  does  not 
attach.  But  the  individual  renewed  by  divine 
grace,  now  feels  pains  and  anxieties,  to  which 
he  was  before  a  stranger.  It  is  the  nature  of 
grace  to  excite,  with  a  concern  for  our  own 
welfare,  a  concern  for  the  salvation  of  others, 
especially  of  those  to  whom  we  are  tenderly 
connected   by   blood,    friendship,   or  affinity. 


38  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

How  can  I  endure  the  thought  of  being  sever- 
ed forever  from  her  in  whom  my  happiness  is 
so  much  bound  up  ?  '  How  can  I  bear,'  will 
such  an  Esther  say,  '  to  see  the  destruction  of 
my  kindred  ?'  She  will  therefore  pray,  and 
use  every  persuasive  method  to  allure.  She 
will  endeavour  to  render  her  religion  lovely 
and  attractive.  It  is  what  the  scripture  en- 
joins. '  Ye  wives,  be  in  subjection  to  your 
own  husbands,  that  if  any  obey  not  the  word, 
they  also,  may  without  the  word,  be  won  by 
the  conversation  of  the  wives :  while  they 
behold  your  chaste  conversation  coupled  with 
fear.'  And  for  the  consolation  of  such,  be  it 
remembered,  that  after  a  trial,  and  perhaps  a 
long  one,  of  their  faith  and  patience,  God  has 
frequently  heard  their  petitions,  and  succeeded 
their  endeavours.  After  performing  religious 
exercises  alone,  they  have  gone  to  the  house 
of  God  in  company  ;  and  have  walked  together 
as  heirs  of  the  grace  of  life. 

Secondly.  Persons  may  be  mistaken  after 
due  examination.  Every  thing  admits  of 
counterfeit.  There  is  a  specious  imitation  of 
every  Christian  grace  as  well  as  of  every  moral 


ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE. 


virtue.  But  we  are  not  accountable  for  our 
inability  to  read  the  heart.  This  is  the  pre- 
rogative of  God  only.  '  By  their  fruits  we 
are  to  know  them.^  If  the  profession  be  fair, 
and  the  life  blameless,  there  is  no  objection 
upon  this  ground  to  hinder  choice. 

Thirdly.  There  is  another  case  which 
perhaps  to  some  will  not  carry  the  same  force 
of  conviction.  Yet  we  do  not  express  our- 
selves without  due  deliberation  and  counsel. 
It  is  this.  Two  individuals,  both,  at  the  time 
of  promise,  destitute  of  religion,  may  solemnly 
pledge  themselves  to  each  other,  and  before 
the  actual  accomplishment  of  the  covenant 
engagement,  one  of  them  may  become  pious. 
We  will  suppose  it  to  be  the  man.  In  this 
case,  we  affirm  that  he  would  not  be  at  liberty 
to  violate  his  promise,  under  the  pretence  of 
looking  out  for  a  character  congenial  with  his 
present  views.  If  some  contend  that  marriage 
be  nothing  more  than  a  civil  contract,  all  must 
allow  that  it  is  nothing  less  :  and  not  to  ob- 
serve the  coercion  of  the  case — not  to  observe 
that  the  law  could  enforce  the  claim  ;  the 
insufficiency  of  justifying  a  civil  offence  by  a 


40  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

religious  reason  ;  and  the  ridiculousness  of  the 
attempt — what  a  dishonour  would  be  done  to 
the  cause  of  the  gospel  by  such  prevaricating 
morality  ?  For  such  it  must  appear  to  the 
world.  Whereas  we  are  to  '  have  our  conver- 
sation honest  among  the  Gentiles  :'  we  are  not 
to  suffer  our  '  good'  to  be  '  evil  spoken  of :' 
we  are  to  '  avoid  the  very  appearance  of  evil.' 
Such  is  the  holy  delicacy  of  the  gospel ! 

This  seems  to  be  one  of  those  cases  in 
which  a  good  man  '  sweareth  to  his  own  hurt 
and  changeth  not.'  And  trying  as  the  scene 
may  be,  if  by  the  consent  of  the  other  party 
he  be  not  honourably  disengaged,  we  should 
advise  him  to  a  plain,  straight-forward  policy  ; 
and  to  expect  that  in  a  combination  of  circum- 
stances so  peculiarly  providential,  all  will  be 
overruled  for  good,  either  by  way  of  usefulness 
or  trial. 

And  if  even  this  solemn  consideration  be 
not  sufficient  to  discharge  a  man  honourably 
from  one  to  whom  he  has  contracted  himself, 
will  any  thing  else  ?  Can  any  thing  else  ? 
What !  is  he  to  trifle  with  a  sacred  engage- 
ment, and  to  wound  the  affections,  the  respect- 


ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE.  41 

ability,  the  health,  the  peace  of  a  female  !  — 
because  another  object  comes  in  view  subse- 
quently, in  his  opinion,  more  eligible  for  per- 
son, for  fortune,  for  address  ? ! !  If  a  man 
wished  to  sink  the  honour  of  religion,  and  to 
disgrace  the  value  of  the  Christian  —  how 
much  more  should  it  ever  be  the  ministerial 
character  !  he  could  not  take  a  step  that  would 
more  effectually  accomplish  his  purpose. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE  DISREGARD  OF  THIS  PRINCIPLE  LAMENTED.... 
BUT  PIETF  THOUGH  ESSENTIAL  TO  CHOICE,  NOT 
SUFFICIENT  ALONE  TO  JUSTIFY  IT.. ..MINISTERS 
UNDER  PECULIAR  OBLIGATION  TO  MARRY  DIS- 
CREETLY  PRUDENCE  NEEDFUL  AND  RECOM- 
MENDED. 

Happy  those  who  have  formed  a  union, 
foimded  in  true  godliness,  the  bonds  of  which 
are  faith  and  love  in  Christ  Jesus  !  They  are 
pleasant  in  life,  and  in  death  not  divided.    But 


42  ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE. 

how  deplorable  is  It,  that  this  Christian  rule  of 
marriage  is  so  frequently  trampled  upon.  The 
violation  is,  in  the  degree  of  it  at  least,  pecuhar 
to  our  own  age.  Our  pious  ancestors,  espec- 
ially among  the  non-conformists,  would  have 
been  shocked  at  the  practice,  as  appears  from 
their  invaluable  writings.  And  I  am  persuaded 
that  it  is  very  much  owing  to  the  prevalence 
of  these  indiscriminate  and  unhallowed  connex- 
ions, that  we  have  fallen  so  far  short  of  those 
men  of  God  who  are  gone  before  us,  in  our 
seclusion  from  the  world,  in  the  simplicity  of 
our  manners,  In  the  uniformity  of  our  profes- 
sion, in  the  discharge  of  family  worship,  and 
the  training  up  of  our  households  in  the  nur- 
ture and  admonition  of  the  Lord.  How  could 
it  have  been  otherwise  ?  Is  there  not  a  con- 
nexion between  causes  and  effects  ?  Do  we 
sow  one  kind  of  grain,  and  reap  another  ?  Can 
*  men  gather  grapes  of  thorns  or  figs  of  thistles  ?' 
Guard  therefore  my  Christian  friends  against 
every  pretence  that  would  draw  you  into  this 
forbidden  path  !  Establish  the  unlawfulness 
and  pernlciousness  of  such  alliances  as  '  a 
principle'  in  your  minds,  that  when  the  evil 


ESSAY   ON  MARRIAGE.  43 

day  of  temptation  comes,  it  may  find  you 
ready  to  resist,  steadfast  in  the  faith.  You 
should  not  have  your  weapons  to  seek  when 
you  want  them  to  use.  O  woman,  do  not 
accept  a  man,  who  has  all  '  the  wisdom  of  the 
world,'  if  a  stranger  to  the  excellency  of  the 
knowledge  of  Christ  Jesus  our  Lord.'  Do  not, 
it  is  the  rough  image  of  an  old  divine,  do  not 
choose  a  swine  because  he  has  a  golden  trough. 
Whatever  a  man  possesses,  remember  he  has 
nothinoj,  if  he  has  not  '  the  one  thino^  needful.' 
O  man,  be  not  reconciled  to  a  weak  or  ugly 
mind,  because  it  w^ears  a  handsome  body. 
'  Favour  is  deceitful,  and  beauty  is  vain  :  but 
a  woman  that  feareth  the  Lord,  she  shall  be 
praised.  Give  her  of  the  fruit  of  her  hands  : 
and  let  her  own  works  praise  her  in  the  gate.' 
But  a  marriage  that  is  not  sinful,  may  be 
improper.  The  apostle  himself  distinguishes 
between  what  is  '  lawful,'  and  w^hat  is  '  expe- 
dient.' Religion  is  indeed  indispensable,  but 
does  not  alone  constitute  the  propriety  of  the 
action.  Religion  is  indeed  essential,  but  is  not, 
abstracted  from  all  other  considerations,  sufficient 
to  justify  choice.     To  exemplify  this  a  little. 


44  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

The  admission  of  the  piety  of  the  parties 
does  not  destroy  the  indecorum  of  haste,  in 
marrying  immediately  after  the  death  of  a 
husband  or  wife. 

The  admission  of  the  piety  of  the  parties 
does  not  hinder  the  censure  due  to  a  great 
disparity  in  years.  How  unnatural,  how  in- 
decent is  it  to  see  an  old  man  surrounded  with 
infants  and  babes,  which  he  can  scarcely  see 
or  hear  for  the  infirmities  of  age  !  How  un- 
natural, how  odious  is  it  to  see  a  young  man 
fastened  to  a  piece  of  antiquity  —  so  as  to  per- 
plex strangers  to  determine  whether  he  is  liv- 
ing with  a  wife  or  a  mother ! 

The  admission  of  the  piety  of  the  parties 
does  not  render  in  all  cases,  a  difference  of 
sentiment,  and  of  denomination  unimportant. 
It  is  not  lovely  for  the  husband  and  wife  to 
repair  on  the  Sabbath  day  morning  to  separate 
places  of  worship.  It  is  not  pleasant  in  re- 
marking what  they  have  heard,  after  their 
return  home,  for  the  one  to  censure  what  the 
other  approves.  It  is  not  edifying  in  the 
dedication  of  their  common  offspring  to  God 
by  baptism  to  disagree,  not  only  as  to  the  im- 


ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE.  45 

portance,  but  also  as  to  the  validity  of  the 
ordinance.  The  observation  cannot  be  con- 
sidered as  founded  in  bigotry,  since  it  will 
equally  apply  to  both  sides  of  the  question,  in 
a  number  of  cases  in  every  religious  community, 
and  is  derived  from  the  unalterable  nature  of 
things.  Indeed,  to  have  a  preference  from 
conviction,  and  to  adhere  to  the  distinctions 
arising  from  it,  without  condemning  others,  can 
never  be  confounded  with  illiberality,  but  by 
a  weak  or  a  vicious  mind. 

The  admission  of  the  piety  of  the  parties 
cannot  preclude  the  necessity  of  suitableness. 
Indeed,  religion  being  supposed,  suitableness 
seems  to  be  the  chief  requisite  to  the  duty,  the 
respectability,  and  the  happiness  of  connected 
life.  This  fitness  takes  in  an  adaptation  to 
each  other  personally,  and  also  to  the  situation 
in  which  they  are  called  to  move.  It  has 
commonly  been  said  that  no  class  of  men  err 
so  much  in  this  article  as  ministers.  But 
surely  this  cannot  be  admitted.  It  cannot  be 
supposed  that  those  who  have  opportunities 
to  make  the  best  choice,  commonly  make  the 
worst.      It   cannot   be   supposed   that   those 


46  ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE. 

whose  office  it  is  to  inculcate  prudence,  should 
be  themselves  proverbial  for  indiscretion.  It 
cannot  be  supposed  that  those  whose  inconoes 
are  limited,  and  whose  circumstances  demand 
economy,  would  bring  into  the  management 
of  them,  those  who  have  been  trained  up  in 
delicacy,  and  extravagance  :  and  are  helpless, 
and  profuse.  It  cannot  be  supposed  that  men, 
whose  office  is  respectable,  and  productive  of 
social  intercourse,  would  select  vulgarity  and 
ignorance,  unfit  to  be  either  seen  or  heard, 
merely  because  it  is  pious.  A  minister  is  to 
inculcate  order  and  regularity  —  and  would  he 
marry  a  female  that  would  render  his  house 
a  scene  of  confusion  and  tumult  ?  A  minister 
is  to  show  how  the  claims  of  life  and  religion 
harmonize,  and  to  assign  to  the  duties  of  each, 
their  own  place  and  season  —  and  would  he 
marry  a  rattle-brain,  who  instead  of  being  a 
keeper  at  home,  has  been  always  rambling 
after  some  new  preacher ;  who  instead  of 
quietly  glorifying  God  in  her  proper  sphere  of 
action,  has  been  endeavouring  to  excite  public 
attention  ;  who  has  been  zealous  in  matters 
of  doubtful    disputation,   but   has  treated  as 


ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE.  47 

beneath  her  regard,  common  and  relative  ob- 
ligations ?  Need  he  be  told  that  a  becoming 
behaviour  in  a  lower  and  private  station,  is  the 
surest  pledge  of,  and  the  best  preparation  for, 
a  proper  behaviour  in  a  higher  and  more  pub- 
lic situation  !  A  minister  is  to  recommend 
neatness  and  all  the  decencies  of  hfe — and 
would  he  marry  a  slattern  ?  A  minister  is  to 
show  that  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and  quiet 
spirit  is  in  the  sight  of  God  of  great  price  — 
and  would  he  marry  a  scold  ?  A  minister  is 
to  stand  in  the  same  relation  to  all  his  people 
who  demand  his  love  and  service — and  would 
he  marry  a  female  who  would  fondly  attach 
herself  to  a  few  cronies,  listen  to  all  their  se- 
crets and  divTilge  her  own,  and  form  cabals 
and  schisms,  which  will  render  his  residence 
unpleasant,  or  occasion  his  removal  ! 

'  The  attention  of  ministers,'  says  Mr.  Gilpin, 
'  in  choosing  such  companions,  as  may  not 
hinder  their  success,  is  of  so  great  importance, 
that  in  some  countries  the  conduct  of  a  pastor's 
wife,  as  well  as  that  of  the  pastor  himself,  is 
supposed  either  to  edify,  or  mislead  the  flock. 
Nay,  the  minister  himself  is  frequently  con- 


48  ESSAY  ON  MARRIAGE. 

demned  for  the  faults  of  his  wife  :  thus  in  the 
Protestant  churches  of  Hungary,  they  degrade 
a  pastor,  whose  wife  indulges  herself  in  cards, 
dancing,  or  any  other  public  amusement  that 
bespeaks  the  gaiety  of  a  lover  of  the  world, 
rather  than  the  gravity  of  a  Christian  matron. 
This  severity  springs  from  the  supposition, 
that  the  w^oman,  having  promised  obedience 
to  her  husband,  can  do  nothing  but  what  he 
either  directs  or  approves.  Hence  they  con- 
clude that  example  having  a  greater  influence 
than  precept,  the  wife  of  a  minister,  if  she  be 
inclined  to  the  world,  will  preach  worldly 
compliance  with  more  success  by  her  conduct, 
than  her  husband  can  preach  worldly  renun- 
ciation by  the  most  solemn  discourses.'  And 
certainly  the  scandal  of  many  will  always  be 
the  result  of  that  deplorable  inconsistency, 
which  is  sometimes  seen  between  the  serious 
instructions  of  a  godly  minister,  and  the  trifling 
behaviour  of  a  w^oman  with  whom  he  is  so 
intimately  connected.  If  the  wives  of  the 
deacons  are  to  be  '  grave,  not  slanderers,  sober, 
faithful  in  all  things,'  what  less  can  be  required 
of  the  wives  of  pastors  ?    '  A  bishop  then  must 


ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE.  49 

be  blameless ;  one  that  ruleth  well  his  own 
house,  having  his  children  in  subjection  with 
all  gravity.  For  if  a  man  know  not  how  to 
rule  his  own  house,  how  shall  he  take  care  of 
the  church  of  God  I' 

Things  said  indeed  concerning  the  wives  of 
ministers  should  generally  be  received  with 
caution.  Owing  to  a  line  in  life,  the  peculiar- 
ity of  which  is  often  very  little  known  or 
considered,  their  actions  and  motives  may  be 
sometimes  condemned,  when  perhaps,  instead 
of  deserving  censure,  they  merit  praise.  By 
their  union  with  persons  of  some  distinction 
and  influence,  they  are  in  a  state  to  awaken 
envy,  and  ill-natured  remark.  By  their  oc- 
cupying a  conspicuous  station,  they  are  more 
liable  to  observation  than  many  in  more  com- 
mon life.  This  renders  it  needful  for  them  to 
be  peculiarly  circumspect  and  exemplary. 
And  it  must  be  confessed  that  such  females 
are  placed  in  a  situation  very  difficult  and 
trying.  But  at  the  same  time,  if  this  situation 
be  filled  up  properly,  they  have  an  opportunity 
to  render  themselves  truly  respectable  and 
useful.  In  a  superior  degree,  they  may  '  serve 
5 


60  ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE. 

their  generation,  according  to  the  will  of  God/ 
In  such  circumstances,  examples  of  prudence, 
economy,  order,  neatness,  temper,  amiableness, 
domestication,  will  not  fail  to  strike  and  im- 
press the  minds  of  numbers. 

But  there  is  another  view  in  which  we  ought 
to  consider  such  an  help-meet.  It  is  the  ad- 
vantage which  her  husband  derives  from  her, 
not  only  personally,  but  officially,  and  by 
which  she  is  rendered  a  blessing  to  others. 
Are  his  life  and  exertions  and  reputation  of 
importance  ?  And  does  she,  by  tlie  exceUency 
of  her  character,  reflect  honour  upon  his 
choice,  and  secure  deference  to  his  judgment? 
Does  she,  by  her  attentions  to  his  personal 
appearance,  the  state  of  his  family,  and  the 
decorum  of  his  children,  add  to  his  respecta- 
bihty  and  acceptance  ?  Does  she,  by  season- 
ably aiding  his  remembrance,  contribute  to  the 
punctuality  of  his  engagements,  his  visits,  and 
his  correspondence  ?  Does  she,  by  allowing 
'  her  husband  to  trust  safely  in  her,'  discharge 
him  from  secular  concerns,  and  keep  him  free, 
to  pursue  his  work  with  undivided  attention  ? 
Does  she,  by  soothing  him  under  distress,  and 


ESSAY  ON   MARRIAGE.  51 

tranquillizing  him  under  irritation,  preserve  his 
mind  in  a  frame  favourable  to  reflection  and 
study  ?  Does  she,  by  taking  care  of  his  health, 
and  spirits,  enlarge  the  number,  and  lengthen 
the  course  of  his  labours?  Such  a  female 
deserves  the  esteem  and  applause  of  a  congre- 
gation, a  neighbourhood,  a  country  ! 

Of  what  avail  are  reflections  like  these  to 
such  as  have  already  taken  unguarded  steps  ? 
Are  not  the  consequences  irretrievable  ?  They 
are — but  yet  they  may  be  improveable.  I 
know  it  is  cold  comfort  to  tell  a  man,  involved 
in  difficulty  and  distress,  that  all  this  might  have 
been  avoided,  and  to  upbraid  him  with  the 
warnings  which  he  refused  to  take.  But  will 
it  not  be  useful  for  him  to  ascertain  the  cause 
of  his  mistake,  and  to  review  the  progress  of 
his  infatuation?  May  he  not  turn  to  some 
good  account  the  lessons  of  painful  experience, 
and  the  corrections  of  maturer  judgment? 
Ought  he  not  to  increase  in  self-knowledge, 
and  self-diffidence  ?  '  Surely  it  is  meet  to  be 
said  unto  God,  I  have  borne  chastisement :  I 
will  not  oflend  any  more :  that  which  I  see 
not,  teach  thou  me  :  if  I  have  done  iniquity,  I 


52  ESSAY   ON   MARRIAGE. 

will  do  no  more.  Search  me,  O  God,  and 
know  my  heart :  try  me,  and  know  my 
thoughts,  and  see  if  there  be  any  wicked  way 
in  me,  and  lead  me  in  the  way  everlasting.' 

But  there  are  others  whose  escape  is  possi- 
ble, and  for  whose  preservation  we  are  con- 
cerned. 1  hope  that  my  younger  brethren  in 
the  sacred  office,  and  those  who  are  under  a 
course  of  preparation  for  it,  will  not  be  offended 
at  ray  taking  advantage  of  this  address  to  intro- 
duce these  free  remarks  on  ministerial  marriage : 

And  by  concluding — in  calling  upon  them 
to  show  how  undeservedly  their  body  has  been 
reproached.  Let  them  beware.  Let  them 
see  how  necessary  it  is,  not  only  that  piety, 
but  prudence  should  guide  them.  Let  them 
remember  how  much  their  comfort,  their  hon- 
our, their  usefulness  depend  upon  a  wise,  as 
well  as  a  religious  choice.  A  wrong  step  here 
may  involve  them  in  embarrassments  ;  make 
them  go  mourning  down  to  the  grave  ;  strip 
them  of  their  glory,  and  take  the  crown  from 
their  head.  '  A  prudent  man  foreseeth  the 
evil,  and  hideth  himself,  but  the  simple  pass 
on,  and  are  punished.' 


MUTUAL.    DUTIES 

OF 

HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES: 

A   DISCOURSE, 

OCCASIOKZD    Br 

THE  MARRIAGE  OF  R S ,  ESQ.,  OF  M . 

PREACHED  IN  AaGVLE-CHAPEL,  BATH,  AUGUST  16,  1801. 


ADVERTISEMENT. 


It  may  be  asked,  Why  is  this  Discourse  published  ? 

The  Author  has  never  been  afraid  to  preach  on  moral  subjects. 
He  despises  the  charge  of  Legality,  and  exceedingly  dislikes  the 
exclusive  application  ofthe  term  Evangelical,  to  doctrinal  preaching. 

He  has  also  been  accustomed  to  seize  events,  and  circumstances, 
as  they  arise,  to  enliven  attention,  and  diversify  public  instruction. 
His  much  esteemed  Friend,  whose  name  he  has  been  compelled 
to  suppress  in  the  title-page,  having  engaged  to  worship  in  his 
congregation,  on  the  Sabbath  previous  to  his  espousals  with  an 
amiable  young  Female  who  had  resided  some  months  in  the  Au- 
thor's family  —  he  resolved  to  select  a  portion  of  scripture  suitable 
to  the  occasion.  The  occasion  was  particular,  but  the  subject 
was  general ;  he  therefore  enlarged,  and  delivered  the  following 
Discourse.  The  same  day  he  received  a  pressing  solicitation  from 
his  friend  to  publish;  soon  after  arrived  a  request,  signed  by  a 
number  of  his  people,  in  the  name  of  the  rest.  The  Author  re- 
spects their  judgment,  and  owes  much  to  their  kindness  and 
esteem.  The  peculiar  delicacy  and  elegance  with  which  these 
applications  are  drawn  up,  would  induce  him  to  expose  them  at 
length,  did  not  their  flattering  relation  to  himself  forbid. 

It  is  hoped  the  Discourse  will  appear  impartial ;  it  was  deliT>L 
ered  without  fear,  and  without  flattery.  Long  as  the  Discourse 
will  be  found,  it  was  all  spoken  ;  the  Preacher  desiring  the  audi- 
ence to  exercise  a  little  more  patience  than  usual.  He  chose  to 
address  both  at  the  same  time,  rather  than  reserve  the  duties  of 
either  husband  or  wife  to  another  opportunity.  As  the  Author 
always  preaches  without  notes,  and  had  written  only  a  general 
sketch  of  the  subject,  some  few  words  and  phrases  may  differ 
from  those  delivered  in  the  pulpit;  but  the  sense  is  completely, 
and  the  language  nearly  the  same.  Had  the  Discourse  been 
designed  for  publication,  or  studied  free  from  some  peculiar  inter- 
ruptions and  engagements,  it  might  have  been  less  unworthy  of 
perusal. 

Bath^  August  24,  1801. 


DISCOURSE. 


1  Peter  iii.  1  —  7. 


Likewise,  yc  wives,  be  in  siibjection  to  your  own  hzisbands,  that  if  any 
obey  not  the  word,  they  also  may,  without  the  word,  be  won  by  the 
conversation  of  the  wives,  while  they  behold  your  chaste  conversation 
coupled  with  fear.  Whose  adorning,  let  it  not  be  that  outward 
adorning,  of  plaiting  the  hair,  and  of  icearing  of  gold,  or  of  putting 
on  of  apparel ;  but  let  it  be  the  hidden  man  of  the  heart,  in  that  which 
is  not  corruptible,  even  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and,  quiet  spirit,  which 
is  in  the  sight  of  Ood  of  great  price.  For  after  this  manner,  in  the 
old  time,  tlie  holy  women  also  who  trusted  in  Ood  adorned  themselves, 
being  in  subjection  unto  their  own  husbands  .-  even  as  Sarah  obeyed 
.Abraham,  calling  him  lord ;  whose  daughters  ye  are  as  long  as  ye 
do  well,  and  are  not  afraid  with  any  amazement.  Likewise,  ye  hus- 
bands, dwell  with  them  according  to  knowledge,  giving  honour  unto 
the  loife  as  unto  the  weaker  vessel,  and  as  being  heirs  together  of  the 
grace  of  life ;   that  your  prayers  be  not  hindered. 

The  Governor  of  the  universe  is  perpetu- 
ally varying  and  determining  our  duties,  by 
the  dispensations  of  bis  providence,  the  con- 
ditions in  which  he  fixes  us,  and  the  connex- 
ions he  leads  us  to  form.  Thus  the  whole 
scripture  is  examined  in  succession,  and  every 
truth  of  the  gospel  obtains  an  application  ap-» 
propriate  and  impressive. 


6  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

Marriage  is  an  institution  of  peculiar  impor- 
tance. It  is  of  divine  ordination,  and  almost 
coeval  with  the  existence  of  the  human  race. 
It  is  the  origin  of  families  ;  the  source  of  the 
continuance  and  welfare  of  nations.  It  distin- 
guishes man  from  the  brute  creation,  excludes 
the  disorders  of  licentiousness,  and  cherishes 
the  sweetest  affections  of  the  heart.  There  is 
no  union,  the  quality  of  which  is  so  intimate, 
the  obligation  of  which  is  so  binding,  the  con- 
sequences of  which  are  so  momentous.  It 
even  surpasses  natural  relation  ;  '  and  for  this 
cause  shall  a  man  leave  his  father  and  his 
mother,  and  shall  cleave  unto  his  wife,  and 
they  two  shall  be  one  flesh  ;  what  therefore 
God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  man  put 
asunder.' 

Hence  the  opinion  of  those  who  would 
either  banish  or  degrade  marriage,  has  always 
been  held  by  the  wise  and  the  virtuous,  as  a 
sentiment  the  most  vile  and  injurious,  equally 
destructive  of  morals  and  of  social  happiness. 
Hence  many  of  the  philosophers  and  legisla- 
tors, even  in  the  heathen  world,  were  peculiarly 
solicitous  to  establish,  to  sanction,  to  encourage, 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND  WIVES.  57 

and  to  regulate  this  institution.  But  in  this, 
as  well  as  in  every  other  instance  favourable 
to  the  welfare  of  mankind,  the  '  gospel  of  our 
salvation'  has  the  pre-eminence.  It  classes 
the  prohibition  of  the  ordinance  with  ^the 
doctrine  of  devils ;'  assures  us  ^  marriage  is 
honourable  in  all ;'  leads  us  back  to  its  com-, 
mencement  in  Paradise ;  renders  the  bond 
indissoluble  ;  places  it  under  the  jurisdiction 
of  Heaven  ;  takes  from  it  an  image  to  prefigure 
the  union  of  Christ  and  his  people,  and  often 
makes  it  the  subject  of  particular  instruction. 
It  has  given  us  advice,  it  has  given  us  law  ; 
and  where  is  this  law  so  beautifully  and  largely 
expressed  as  in  the  passage  I  hold  up  to  view 
this  morning  ? 

L  In  the  delineation  of  the  duties  resulting 
from  marriage,  our  divine  Instructer  begins 
with  WIVES — ^^and  to  animate  their  attention 
to  the  rules  he  prescribes,  he  reminds  them  of 
the  probability  of  their  usefulness  to  their  bus-, 
bands  in  a  case  of  all  others  the  most  interest-, 
ing  :  '  If  any  obey  not  the  word,  they  may^ 
without  the  word,  be  won.' 


58  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

Religion  is  not  always  universal ,  even  in 
small,  detached  portions  of  society.  In  the 
same  house,  there  may  be  an  heir  of  glory, 
and  a  son  of  perdition,  natural  alliance  and 
spiritual  disunion,  persons  living  together  in 
this  world  between  whom,  in  eternity,  there 
will  be  a  great  gulf  fixed. 

The  instance  of  infidelity  and  ungodliness  is 
taken  from  the  man ;  and  the  apostle  marks 
the  piety  of  the  wife,  rather  than  of  the  hus- 
band. Is  this  mentioned  without  design  ?  Do 
not  history,  experience,  and  observation  favour 
the  probabihty  ?  Have  not  women  in  all  de- 
nominations, in  all  ages,  in  all  countries,  in  all 
ranks,  been  more  disposed  to  religion,  than 
men  ?  From  how  many  vices  are  females 
restrained  by  considerations  which  bear,  much 
less  forcibly,  on  the  minds  of  men  ?  Who 
depends  so  much  on  opinion  and  esteem,  or 
feels  so  many  motives  to  preserve  reputation 
unblemished  ?  Denied  so  often  the  liberty  of 
divulging  their  emotions,  who  so  ready  to 
seize  the  privilege  of  prayer,  and  to  ^  pour  out 
the  heart  before  God  ?  Who  so  susceptible  of 
lively  impressions  ?     Who  feels  so  powerfully 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  59 

the  thrilling  of  sympathy,  or  melts  down  so 
easily  into  all  the  tendernesses  of  benevolence  ? 
While  we  think,  they  feel ;  while  we  deliber- 
ate, they  relieve.  What  woman  was  ever 
destitute  of  commiseration  ?  It  was  not  a 
woman  that  unfeelingly  '  looked  on,'  or  ^  pass- 
ed by  on  the  other  side,'  w^hen  the  poor  trav- 
eller lay,  wounded,  bleeding,  half  dead.  Who 
so  accustomed  to  self-denial,  the  first,  the  last 
lesson,  in  the  school  of  Christ  ?  Who  feels 
such  vicissitudes  of  health,  or  passes  through 
scenes  of  pain  and  hazard  so  adapted  to  excite 
an  entire  dependence  upon  God,  and  to  awaken 
solemn  thought,  by  bringing  another  world 
nearer  the  view  ?  Less  occupied  in  the  dis- 
tracting concerns  of  business,  she  has  more 
time  for  solitude  and  reflection.  Her  general 
sphere  of  action,  is  much  more  propitious  to 
innocency  and  devotion.  Her  joys  are  more 
immediately  derived  from  her  virtues.  Home 
is  the  chief  place  of  her  amusements.  The 
tenderest  cares  of  nature  charm,  as  w^ell  as 
employ  her.  The  mother  is  happy  to  press 
to  her  lips  and  to  her  bosom  the  babe  she  has 
borne  ;    to  feel  the  stroking  hand  of  her  suck- 


60  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

ling  at  her  breast ;  to  sit  by  the  cradle  of  her 
infant  daughter ;  to  view  from  the  window  the 
manly  exploits  of  her  boy  ;    or 

'Delightful  task,  to  rear  the  tender  thought, 
To  teach  the  young  idea  how  to  shoot, 
To  pour  the  fresh  instruction  o'er  the  mind. 
To  breathe  th'  enlivening  spirit,  and  to  fix 
The  generous  purpose  in  the  glowing  breast.' 

Hence,  how  often   do  we  see  the  sister, 
travelling  a  road,  in  which  her  brother  refuses 
to  accompany  her  ;  and  the  wife,  living  under 
the  powder  of  the  gospel,  while  the  husband 
neglects  to  hear,  or  hears  with  indifference  ! 
It  were  indeed  to  be  wished  that  real  Christians 
■would  never  contract  affinity  with  the  irreli- 
gious :    they  are   required  to   '  marry   in   the 
Lord.'    The  necessity  of  this  law  is  more  than 
justified,  by  the  discords  and  miseries  in  which 
those  involve  themselves,  who  refuse  to  be 
governed  by  it.     Therefore  no  countenance  is 
here  given  to  the  practice  of  being  '  unequally 
yoked   together   with    unbelievers.'       But    a 
change  may  be  effected  subsequent  to  mar- 
riage.    The  wife  may  become  rehgious,  while 
the  husband  remains  a  stranger,  or  a  foe.    Now 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  61 

that  which  should  prevent  marriage,  is  not  to 
dissolve  it.  The  relation  continues  ;  and  the 
wife,  so  far  from  being  absolved  from  her  obli- 
gation, is  furnished  with  an  additional  motive 
to  discharge  it.  '  For  what  knowest  thou,  O 
wife,  whether  thou  shalt  save  thy  husband  ?' 
Let  it  excite  all  thy  concern.  The  salvation 
of  a  soul  !  the  salvation  of  a  husband  !  of  one 
endeared  by  so  many  ties  !  O  lose  not  each 
other  in  the  '  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death.' 
Let  your  friendshijD  survive  the  desolations  of 
time,  and  be  renewed  to  infinite  advantage 
beyond  the  grave.  Think,  O  wife,  of  the 
happiness,  the  honour  that  awaits  you.  What 
is  the  triumph  you  have  acquired  over  him  by 
your  charms,  compared  with  the  victory  you 
will  obtain  over  him  by  your  religion  ?  What 
pleasure  will  attend  the  remainder  of  your 
days  ;  now  you  are  '  of  one  heart  and  of  one 
mind  :'  now  you  '  take  sweet  counsel  together.' 
The  privileged  language  of  prayer  now  is,  our 
Father  ;  of  every  motion  made  '  to  go  and 
seek  the  Lord  of  Hosts,'  there  is  a  ready  ac- 
ceptance, '  I  will  go  also.'  And  what  will 
*  be  your  joy  and  crown  of  rejoicing'  in  that 


62  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

day  when,  before  assembled  men  and  angels, 
he  will  say,  '  O  blessed  be  the  Providence 
which  attached  us  in  yonder  world,  and  has 
still  more  perfectly  united  us  in  this.  '  The 
woman  thou  gavest  to  be  with  me'  led  me  not 
to  '  the  tree  of  knowledge  of  good  and  evil,' 
but  to  '  the  tree  of  life,  which  is  in  the  midst 
of  the  Paradise  of  God.' 

To  encourage  those  who  feel  the  painful 
affliction  of  ungodly  relations,  I  would  observe 
that,  ultimately,  we  seldom  see  one  individual 
only  in  the  household  called  by  grace.  She 
may  have  the  honour  of  being  the  first-fruits  ; 
but  more,  commonly  follow.  She  may  be 
long  exercised  before  any  favourable  indi- 
cations appear ;  but  how  often,  at  last,  are  all 
her  prayers  heard,  and  her  endeavours  crowned 
with  success ;  prejudices  the  most  inveterate 
gradually  give  way  ;  each  is  successively  dis- 
posed to  hear,  till  we  see  them  all  '  going  to 
the  house  of  God  in  company.'  It  is  not 
possible  for  persons  to  be  much  together  even 
in  the  exercises  of  common  friendship,  without 
impression  and  effect :  we  soon  imbibe  each 
other's  dispositions,  and  assimilate  :    '  he  that 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  63 

walketh  with  wise  men  shall  be  wise,  and  a 
companion  of  fools  shall  be  destroyed.'     But 
of  all   the   causes  which   form  our  manners, 
none  operates  so  powerfully  as  female  inter- 
course.    If  confined  entirely  to  their  company, 
we  become  effeminate  ;  if  constantly  excluded 
from  it,  we  contract  a  roughness  of  temper, 
and  a  negligence  of  person  ;    our  behaviour 
assumes  a  ruder  form,  our  voice   a  harsher 
tone  ;    our   sensations    are    less    delicate,   our 
passions    more    brutal.      Who    has  so  many 
avenues  to   the   heart  as   a  woman  ?     What 
influence  affects  like  her's  ?     By  means  of  a 
connexion  the  most  attractive,  an  intercourse 
the  most  familiar,  the  persuasion  of  words,  the 
eloquence  of  tears,  an  example  the  most  lovely 
and  always  placed  in  view,  a  wife  has  a  thou- 
sand opportunities  of  removing  prepossessions, 
of  fixing  impressions,  of  engaging  attention,  of 
insinuating  goodness.     The  gospel  was  spread 
over  a  large  proportion  of  Europe,  and  estab- 
lished in  several  countries  where  it  prevails  to 
this  day,  chiefly  by  women,  who,  not  satisfied 
with  gaining  thrones  by  their  charms,  rendered 
their  attractions  subservient  to  their  religion, 


64  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

and  drew  over  monarchs  to  the  Christian  faith. 
*rhese  are  pubUc,  splendid  achievements,  Im- 
mortaUzed  in  history.  How  many  private 
instances  of  this  sanctified  Influence  are  there, 
unknown  to  the  world,  but  recorded  '  in  the 
book  of  God's  remembrance.'  And  if,  my 
sisters,  your  example  succeeds  in  the  conver- 
sion of  a  husband  from  irrellglon,  shall  it  not 
be  effectual  to  reclaim  him  from  inferior  mis- 
takes and  improprieties  ?  Shall  it  not  advance 
godliness,  where  it  is  already  found  ?  warm 
it,  where  it  is  chilled  ?  polish  it,  where  it  is 
rough  ?    and  finish  it,  where  it  is  outline  ? 

And  how  is  all  this  to  be  accomplished  ? 
Not  by  eccentric  efforts  ;  not  by  starting  out 
of  your  sphere,  but  by  exemplifying  religion 
as  you  move  orderly  in  it ;  not  by  preaching, 
but  by  living  ;  addressing  the  eye  rather  than 
the  ear ;  employing  the  eloquence  which  flows 
from  subjection,  conversation,  chastity  and  fear ; 
the  manner  in  which  you  adorn  yourselves ; 
the  models  you  design  to  imitate. 

1.  Nothing  will  increase  your  influence, 
and  secure  your  usefulness,  more  than  '  being 
in  SUBJECTION  to  your  own  husbands.'     This 


OP  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  '     65 

must,  doubtless,  be  limited  and  qualified.  If 
the  demands  of  a  husband  oppose  the  will  of 
God,  you  are  pre-engaged  by  a  law  of  univer- 
sal operation,  and  '  ought  to  obey  God  rath- 
er than  man.'  In  other  cases,  perhaps,  it 
will  not  be  so  easy  to  furnish  exceptions. 
'Therefore,  as  the  church  is  subject  unto 
Christ,  so  let  the  wives  be  to  their  own  hus- 
bands in  every  thing.' 

There  is  a  general  rule,  the  spirit  of  which 
would  easily  settle  every  relative  claim  :  '  sub- 
mitting yourselves  one  to  another  in  the  fear 
of  God.'  But  it  cannot  be  denied,  that  a  pe- 
culiar subjection  is  in  the  scriptures  required 
of  the  wife  ;  not  indeed  the  submission  of 
slaves  to  their  masters,  or  of  subjects  to  their 
sovereign,  or  even  of  children  to  a  father.  It 
has  more  of  equality  in  it ;  accords  with  the 
idea  of  a  helper,  companion,  friend  ;  springs 
originally  from  choice  ;  and  is  acquiesced  in 
for  the  sake  of  propriety  and  advantage.  For 
none  of  the  determinations  of  God  are  capri- 
cious :  all  are  founded  in  reason,  and  all  are 
designed  to  promote  both  individual  and  social 
welfare.     In   this   regulation,  has   God  acted 


66  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

partially  ?  Has  he  sacrificed  the  happiness  of 
the  woman  to  the  dignity  of  the  man  ?  Has 
he  not  equally  regarded  the  interest  of  the 
wife,  the  children,  and  the  connexions  ?  In 
all  communities,  whether  more  or  less  exten- 
sive, there  can  be  no  happiness  without  peace, 
no  peace  without  order,  no  order  without  sub- 
ordination, no  subordination  without  subjection. 
Perpetual  strife  would  originate  from  equality, 
or  contested  superiority.  Numberless  con- 
tentions would  arise,  from  diversity  of  views, 
from  difference  of  temper,  and  perverse  adher- 
ence to  opposite  plans,  destroying  the  harmony 
and  tranquillity  of  families.  The  only  method 
by  which  these  disorders  can  be  either  pre- 
cluded or  removed,  is  by  establishing  pre-emi- 
nence and  authority,  and  enjoining  submission 
and  acquiescence.  This  being  indispensably 
necessary,  the  only  question  is.  Where  shall 
the  power  of  decision  be  lodged  ? 

From  many  considerations,  expressive  of 
the  divine  will,  the  scripture  assigns  this  pre- 
rogative to  the  man.  Witness  the  priority  of 
his  creation :  '  For  Adam  was  first  formed, 
then  Eve.'     Witness  the  manner  in  which  he 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  67 

derived  his  being  :  'The  man  is  not  of  the 
woman,  but  the  woman  of  the  man.'  Witness 
his  destiny :  '  For  the  man  was  not  created 
for  the  woman,  but  the  woman  for  the  man.' 
'  And  the  Lord  said,  it  is  not  good  for  man  to 
be  alone  ;  I  will  make  him  a  help  meet  for 
him.'  Wimess  his  relation  :  '  The  man  is 
the  image  and  glory  of  God,  but  the  woman 
is  the  glory  of  the  man.'  Witness  the  entrance 
of  sin  :  '  Adam  was  not  deceived,  but  the  wo- 
man being  deceived,  was  in  the  transgression.' 
Witness  the  malediction  denounced  upon  the 
woman  :  '  Thy  desire  shall  be  to  thy  husband, 
and  he  shall  rule  over  thee.'  Tliere  was 
nothing  originally  like  a  curse  in  this  demand. 
In  Paradise,  nothing  oppressive  or  unreason- 
able, would  have  appeared  in  the  requisition  : 
and  nothing  mortifying,  would  have  attended 
the  performance.  But  the  fall  has  shed  the 
poison — sin  has  rendered  it  irksome.  The 
woman  is  disinclined  to  obey,  while  the  man 
is  often  absurd  in  his  designs,  capricious  in  his 
temper,  tyrannical  in  his  claims,  and  degrading 
in  his  authority.  But,  my  sisters,  while  you 
have  reason,  much  reason  to  complain j  re- 


68  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

member,  it  is  the  consequence  of  sin,  the  sin 
of  your  own  sex.  Turn  the  curse  into  a 
blessing ;  derive  real  honour  from  seeming 
disgrace.  You  cannot  dispense  with  this  sub- 
jection, without  opposing  the  express  will  of 
God,  and  violating  the  laws  of  marriage  to 
which  you  have  acceded  by  a  voluntary  en- 
gagement, and  promised  obedience  in  a  man- 
ner the  most  solemn. 

2.  Much  depends  upon  your  '  conversa- 
tion.' By  this  you  are  to  understand  all  your 
behaviour,  the  whole  course  of  your  lives. 
Little  is  to  be  done  by  a  single  action,  or  an 
individual  solitary  excellence,  while  other  things 
in  the  character,  so  far  from  aiding  its  impres- 
sions, counteract  its  tendency,  or  mar  its  effects. 
There  is  a  connexion  between  duties  and  vir- 
tues :  they  enliven  and  enforce,  they  sustain 
and  recommend  each  other.  The  strength 
of  this  moral  chain  to  draw,  depends  upon  the 
concatenation  of  the  links  ;  and  the  force  of 
this  spiritual  beauty  to  strike  and  captivate, 
results  from  the  union,  harmony,  and  propor- 
tion of  all  the  lineaments.  One  handsome 
feature,  all  surrounded  with  ugliness,   would 


OF  HUSBANDS   AND  WIVES.  G9 

excite  disgust,  or  render  deformity  the  more 
observable. 

3.  Your  conversation  is  to  be  always  dis- 
tinguished by  '  CHASTITY  and  fear,'  and 
these  are  to  be  '  coupled.'  How  natural, 
how  necessary  the  alliance  1 

The  apostle  deems  it  needless  to  descend 
to  the  grossness  of  vice,  or  actual  infractions  of 
the  marriage  covenant.  He  would  intimate, 
that  where  there  are  no  such  infamous  degra- 
dations in  your  sex,  there  may  be  an  audacity 
of  countenance,  a  boldness  of  look,  a  levity  of 
discourse,  a  freedom  of  manners,  a  forwardness 
of  behaviour,  a  challenging,  obtrusive,  advanc- 
ing air — very  unbecoming  the  sacred  decorum 
which  should  appear  in  all  the  female  charac- 
ter. He  therefore  requires  '  fear.'  It  intends 
the  reverse  of  every  thing  seen  in  too  many 
of  our  modern  females  —  diffidence,  bashful- 
ness  ;  the  blushings  of  reserve  ;  the  tremulous 
retiring  of  modesty  ;  the  sensation  which  arises 
from  the  union  of  innocency  and  danger ;  the 
carefulness  which  leads  you  to  '  avoid  the  ap- 
pearance of  evil  ;'  the  apprehension,  that  to 
be  suspected  is  almost  as  bad  as  to  be  guilty ; 


TO  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

the  prudence  which  keeps  you  far,  veiy  far 
from  the  extremities  of  permission  ;  the  vigil- 
ance which  discerns  and  announces  danger, 
while  yet  a  great  way  off;  the  caution  that 
never  suffers  the  outguards  to  be  called  in,  or 
the  enemy  to  approach  even  near  enough  to 
reconnoitre.  This,  my  fair  hearers,  will  diffuse 
a  glory  over  you,  wdiich  never  fails  to  charm, 
and  upon  ail  the  glory  will  be  a  defence. 

4.  Much  depends  on  the  manner  in  which 
you  adorn  yourselves  ;  whether  you  appear 
the  votaries  of  vanity  ;  or  prize  your  souls ; 
improve  your  minds  ;  and  govern  your  tem- 
pers. '  Whose  ADORNING,  let  it  not  be  that 
outward  adorning  of  plaiting  the  hair,  and  of 
wearing  of  gold,  or  of  putting  on  of  apparel : 
but  let  it  be  the  hidden  man  of  the  heart,  in 
that  which  is  not  corruptible  ;  even  the  orna- 
ment of  a  meek  and  quiet  spirit,  which  is  in 
the  sight  of  God  of  great  price.' 

The  sex  which  rendered  clothing  necessary, 
has  always  been  too  much  disposed  to  glory 
in  the  memorial  of  our  shame.  Women  have 
not  the  same  mediums  of  address  with  men. 
They  must  succeed  by  means  more  silent  and 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  71 

disguised.  Discovery  would  often  frustrate 
intention.  They  know  their  force  Hes  in  their 
beauty,  and  seize  dress  as  an  auxihary  ;  they 
increase  natural  attractions  by  artificial  assist- 
ance. ^  Can  a  maid  forget  her  ornaments,  or 
a  bride  her  attire  ?' 

Peter  knows  what  is  too  characteristical  in 
the  sex.  What  he  despairs  to  alter,  he  labours 
to  improve.  Women  must  be  fine  ;  will 
be  fine.  He  indulges  them  ;  only  turning 
their  attention  from  external  decoration  to  in- 
ternal accomplishment.  Not  that  he  forbids 
a  proper  attention  to  the  body.  Nothing  can 
be  so  despicable  and  disgusting  as  a  slattern  ; 
though  it  has  been  remarked,  that  a  propensity 
to  it,  is  often  found  connected  with  a  love  of 
finery.  The  body  is  the  work  of  God  ;  the 
structure  is  '  fearfully  and  wonderfully  made.' 
It  is  a  part  of  our  nature,  but  it  is  the  inferior 
part ;  and  this  should  regulate  the  degree  of 
attention.  A  woman  of  good  sense,  will  al- 
ways possess  a  better  standard  of  dress  in  her 
own  taste,  than  is  to  be  derived  from  any  pre- 
cise rules. 

She  will  avoid  whatever  would  appear  light 


72  THE   MUTUi\L  DUTIES 

and  wanton.  The  apparel  of  '  a  woman  pro- 
fessing godliness,'  should  not  be  the  attire  of  a 
woman  of  the  world,  much  less,  '  the  attire  of 
a  harlot.'  Females  sometimes  wear  a  label, 
on  which  indecency  and  indelicacy  are  wTitten, 
and  then  appear  to  be  offended  because  ob- 
servers can  read.  I  w^ould  not  always  infer 
too  much  of  the  disposition  from  these  outv/ard 
hints,  but  in  the  name  of  a  blush,  on  w^hat 
principle  can  we  explain  the  invention  or 
adoption  of  certain  modes  ? — I  describe  nothing. 
She  will  beware  of  exceeding  her  rank,  and 
her  circumstances,  or  even  of  reducing  her 
means  of  beneficence.  Shall  I  here  avail 
myself  of  the  season  ?  How  many  miserable 
objects  are  there  around  you  !  What  an  insult 
on  the  wretchedness  of  the  times,  is  the  dress 
of  many  extravagant  females  !  My  fair  hear- 
ers, escape  this  censure.  Remember  Dorcas  ; 
enter  yonder  '  upper  chamber  ;'  see  the  '  wid- 
ows standing  and  weeping,  and  showing  the 
coats  and  garments  which  she  made  while  she 
w^as  with  them.'  What  will  afford  you  most 
pleasure  w^hen  you  come  to  die,  the  recollec- 
tion of  the  property  you  employed  in  clothing 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  73 

the  naked,  or  of  that  which  you  expended  on 
costly  folly  ?  What  satisfaction,  resulting  from 
the  applause  of  finery,  can  equal  the  joy  of 
benevolence  that  a  female  feels,  while  moving 
among  the  tears,  prayers,  and  benedictions  of 
gratitude  ?  '  When  the  ear  heard  me,  then  it 
blessed  me  ;  and  when  the  eye  saw  me,  it 
gave  witness  unto  me.' 

She  will  keep  it  from  engrossing  too  much 
of  the  mind ;  she  will  not  suffer  it  to  be  either 
her  business  or  delight ;  she  will  not  render 
herself  responsible  at  the  bar  of  God  for  the 
awful  waste  of  hours,  week,  months,  shall  I 
add,  years !  detached  from  a  life  as  short  as  it 
is  important,  and  the  whole  of  which  ought  to 
be  redeemed  ! 

The  apostle  speaks  comparatively.  He 
would  teach  women  that  they  have  souls  ; 
that  they  are  made  capable  of  greater  beauty 
than  the  body  yields  ;  that  they  ought  to 
adorn  the  mind ;  that  their  endeavours  to  dec- 
orate their  persons  should  be  infinitely  surpassed 
by  their  attention  to  intellectual  accomplish- 
ments ;  that  they  should  be  ambitious  of  moral 
endowments,  and  above  all  things,  pay  an 
7 


74  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

attention  to  the  ^  heart.'  For  what  are  tal- 
ents unsanctlfied  ?  '  Knowledge  pufFeth  up,' 
but  '  charity  edifieth.'  What  are  notions  the 
most  sublime,  and  sentiments  the  most  admir- 
ed, if  the  disposition  be  not  under  the  bias  of 
religion  ?  How  defective  will  the  w^hole  figure 
appear,  without  '  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and 
QUIET  SPIRIT  ?'  What  so  unsightly,  so  odious, 
as  a  discontented,  fretliil,  foaming,  boisterous, 
scolding  woman  ?  '  A  continual  dropping  in 
a  very  rainy  day,  and  a  contentious  woman 
are  alike.'  *  It  is  better  to  dwell  in  the  corner 
of  a  house-top  than  with  a  brawling  woman  in 
a  wide  house.'  ^  It  is  better  to  dwell  in  the 
wilderness  than  with  a  contentious  and  an  an- 
gry woman.  Whoso  hideth  her,  hideth  the 
wind,  and  the  ointment  of  his  right  hand,  that 
bewTayeth  itself.'  The  Graces  were  female  : 
so  were  the  Furies  too.  Much  depends  on 
the  cultivation  of  the  mind  ;  more  on  the  reg- 
ulation of  the  temper.  The  necessity  of  this 
qualification,  in  family  connexion,  is  inconceiv- 
able. In  manacrino:  the  concerns  of  a  house- 
hold,  how  many  things  will  perpetually  arise 
to  disappoint,  to  ruffle,  to  unhinge,  to  vex,  and 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  75 

to  provoke  !  These  require  the  command  of 
temper.  And  there  are  wives,  and  there  are 
wives  in  this  assembly,  who  in  '  patience  pos- 
sess their  souls  ;'  who  can  feel,  but  retain  their 
composure  ;  who  can  calmly  remonstrate,  but 
know  not  to  insist ;  who  can  yield  and  accom- 
modate ;  who  are  ^  not  easily  provoked,'  but 
'  easily  entreated  ;'  who  are  disposed  rather  to 
endure  than  complain ;  and  to  suffer  in  secret, 
rather  than  disturb  others  with  their  grief. 

Suffer  me  then,  my  fair  hearers,  to  recom- 
mend this  exchange,  this  preference  of  dec- 
oration. Like  '  the  king's  daughter,  be  all 
glorious  within.'  Let  the  Bible  be  the  mirror 
at  which  you  dress ;  and  while  others  are 
weightily  engaged  in  catching  a  fashion,  or 
adjusting  a  curl,  let  the  object  of  your  cultiva- 
tion be  the  understanding,  the  memory,  the 
will,  the  affections,  the  conscience.  Let  no 
part  of  this  internal  creation  be  unadorned: 
let  it  sparkle  with  the  diamonds  of  wisdom,  of 
prudence,  of  humility,  of  gentleness.  These 
ornaments  alone  will  confer  dignity,  and  pre- 
pare for  usefulness.  If  destitute  of  these,  can 
you  imagine  it  possible  to  obtain  real,  durable 


76  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

regard  ?  Need  you  be  told,  that  these  skin- 
deep  perfections,  those  exterior,  senseless  ap- 
pendages, imply  no  excellency  in  the  wearer, 
and  are  only  admired  by  the  weak,  or  the 
worthless  ?  Are  you  ignorant  that  men  often 
despise  a  soul  lodged  in  a  form  they  adore, 
and  admire  nonsense,  because  it  is  poured  from 
handsome  lips  ?  Are  you  designed  for  toys, 
or  rational  beings  ?  the  playthings  of  the  senses, 
or  improving  companions  ?  Would  you  in 
company  keep  your  husbands  on  thorns,  while 
they  wish  you  to  be  seen,  and  hope  you  will 
not  be  heard  ;  knowing  how  much  more  likely 
you  are  to  strike  by  the  quality  and  pattern  of 
your  robes,  than  by  the  insipidity  and  inanity 
of  your  discourse  ?  Adorn  yourselves  in  the 
newest  mode,  in  the  richest  attire,  plait  your 
hair,  deck  yourselves  with  pearls — will  these 
render  you  valuable  ?  Will  these  qualify  you 
to  manage  the  concerns  of  a  family,  '  to  give 
a  portion  to  your  maidens,'  to  train  up  your 
children  in  wisdom  and  virtue,  to  be  a  help 
meet  for  your  husband  !  What !  are  you 
endued  with  reason  and  immortality,  only  to 
be  enamoured  with  a  piece  of  embroidery,  or 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  77 

to  pay  your  devotions  to  the  colour  of  silk  ? 
Are  you  sublimely  resolved  never,  never  to 
leave  the  world  of  fans,  and  enter  the  region 
of  intelligence  and  of  mind  ? 

These  decorations  are  '  not  corruptible.' 
All  other  ornaments  '  perish  in  the  using.'  All 
other  attire  gives  place  to  the  shroud.  '  Beauty 
consumes  away  like  a  moth  ;'  the  sparkling 
eye  *  is  closed  in  darkness  ;'  the  body  is  '  laid 
in  the  grave  ;  death  shall  feed  upon  it.'  The 
charmer,  looking  in  vain  for  admirers,  says  '  to 
corruption,  Thou  art  my  father  :  to  the  worm, 
Thou  art  my  mother  and  my  sister.'  Prolong 
life.  Accidents  may  disfigure,  and  diseases 
corrode.  How  quickly  time  changes  the  coun- 
tenance !  How  transient  the  empire  of  colours 
and  of  tints  !  How  soon  wrinkles  and  gaudy 
attire  disagree  !  Having  laid  in  no  stock  of 
mental  influence,  and  sober  entertainment 
against  the  evil  day,  what  becomes  of  these 
delightful  creatures  ?  A  few  years  reduce 
them  to  insignificance,  leaving  them  only  the 
humiliating  claims  of  pity,  or  the  uncertain 
returns  of  gratitude.  But  an  accomplished, 
pious  w^oman,  can  never  be  the  object  of  ne- 


78  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

gleet ;  she  will  attract  notice,  and  confer  hap- 
piness, even  when  descending  into  the  vale  of 
years.  The  ravages  of  time  cannot  reach  the 
soul :  death  cannot  strip  off  the  habits  of  im- 
mortality :  it  will  only  change  her  '  from  glory 
to  glory  :'  only  remove  her  from  earth,  un- 
worthy of  continuance,  and  place  her  among 
'  the  innumerable  company  of  angels.' 

In  adorning  ourselves,  the  opinion  of  others 
is  very  influential ;  especially  if  the  admirers 
discover  taste,  possess  sway,  or  can  give  law 
to  fashion.  This  decoration  'is  in  the  sight 
GF  God  of  great  price.'  '  Not'  she  '  who 
commendeth  herself  is  approved,  but  whom 
the  Lord  commendeth.'  What  is  '  the  hon- 
our that  Cometh  from  man  ?'  How  wavering, 
how  vain,  how  debasing  !  But  '  the  honour 
that  Cometh  from  God  only,'  is  purifying,  sat- 
isfying, enduring.  It  is  impossible  to  feel  a 
complacency  in  ourselves,  while  conscious  that 
we  are  disesteemed  by  a  Being  of  infinite  wis- 
dom, excellency,  and  goodness.  His  '  judg- 
ment is  always  according  to  truth.'  '  In  his 
favour  is  life  ;'  on  his  applause  our  happiness 
depends  ;   and  in  vain  we  approach  him  with 


OP  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  79 

any  of  those  distinctions  which  dazzle  and  de- 
ceive mankind ;  for  '  the  Lord  taketh  plea- 
sure' only  '  in  them  that  fear  him,  in  them  that 
hope  in  his  mercy.' 

5.  Much  depends  on  the  models  you 
choose  for  imitation.  The  apostle  would  have 
you  conform,  not  to  the  flutterers  of  fashion, 
not  to  the  triflers  of  a  day,  who  live  only  to 
please,  and  derive  all  their  consequence  from 
vanity ;  but  an  illustrious  company  of  female 
worthies,  who  drew  towards  them  the  eye  of 
God,  who  served  their  generation  according  to 
his  will,  who  obtained  a  distinguished  place  in 
the  annals  of  inspiration,  whose  names  have 
been  long  glorified,  and  will  be  '  had  in  ever- 
lasting remembrance.'  'A  gracious  woman 
retaineth  honour.'  ^  Favour  is  deceitful  and 
beauty  is  vain,  but  a  woman  that  feareth  the 
Lord,  she  shall  be  praised  :  give  her  of  the 
fruit  of  her  hand,  and  let  her  own  works  praise 
her  in  the  gates.'  '  For  after  this  manner  in 
the  old  time,  the  holy  women  also  who  trusted 
in  God  adorned  themselves,  being  in  subjection 
to  their  own  husbands  :  even  as  Sarah  obeyed 
Abraham,  calling  him  lord,  whose  daughters 


80  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

ye  are,  as  long  as  ye  do  well,  and  are  not  afraid 
with  any  amazement.'  The  honour  of  this 
aUiance  awaits  you,  however  inferior  in  talents, 
however  obscure  in  your  stations,  however 
poor  in  your  circumstances,  here  is  a  passage, 
by  which  you  may  obtain  a  place  in  this  glori- 
ous assembly,  and  sit  down  by  the  side  of  a 
Lydia,  a  Mary,  a  Hannah,  a  Deborah,  a  Sarah, 
*in  the  kingdom  of  God.'  For  by  what  are 
these  pious  women  distinguished  ?  By  excel- 
lencies which  fall  within  the  reach  of  general 
imitation  :  by  preferring  the  soul  to  the  body  ; 
by  meekness  and  gentleness  ;  by  modesty  and 
reserve  ;  by  a  ready  submission  to  the  demands 
of  their  stations.  Thus  Sarah,  though  of  the 
same  family  with  her  husband,  and  dis- 
tinguished by  peculiar  honours,  never  rose 
above  the  most  humble  duties  of  her  situation  ; 
never  suffered  even  the  princess,  to  injure  the 
wife  ;  and,  willingly  yielded  Abraham  rever- 
ence and  obedience. 

But  in  all  these  instances,  you  will  never 
'  do  well,'  and  become  the  '  daughters'  of  Sa- 
rah, unless  you  maintain  a  holy  magnanimity  ; 

^  NOT  BEING  AFRAID  WITH  ANY  AMAZEMENT* 


OF   HUSBAxXDS   AND   WIVES.  81 

— SO  as  to  be  staggered,  confounded,  dismayed, 
in  the  course  of  prescribed  duty.  There  can 
be  no  impartial  obedience,  or  unwavering  peru- 
se verance  in  religion,  without  courage  and 
confidence.  The  man  needs  it,  the  woman 
needs  it :  the  husband  requires  it,  and  the  wife 
equally  requires  it.  It  w^ould  be  rendered  still 
more  necessary,  were  a  period  to  arrive,  in 
wdiich  every  airy  speculation  would  be  prefer^ 
red  to  practice  ;  things  important,  because  plain 
and  of  old  standing,  w^ould  be  lightly  esteemed  ; 
and  nothing  would  strike,  nothing  be  relished, 
unless  dressed  up  in  novelty,  and  seasoned 
with  extravagance.  Such,  my  female  friends, 
is  the  period  in  which  we  live*  Many  of  the 
things  which  we  have  been  recommending  on 
sacred  ground,  would  be  considered  as  barba^ 
rous  notions,  as  ignorance  of  the  world,  preju-^ 
dices  which  philosophy  would  cure,  the  airs  of 
hypocrisy,  the  effects  of  prudishness.  Can 
you  form  yourselves  by  these  rules  ?  Can  you 
encounter  opinion  ?  Can  you  bear  the  charge 
of  singularity  ?  Can  you  abandon  the  multi-. 
tude,  laughing  or  lampooning  as  you  retire  } 
Can  you  live  according  to  the  dictates  of  rea^ 
8 


82  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

son,  of  conscience,  and  of  God  ?  Be  principled 
— be  decided — be  resolved — be  firm.  Hav- 
ing formed  your  views  in  the  divine  presence, 
and  feeling  all  your  motives,  go  forth,  and  be 
steadfast  and  unmoveable,  in  the  execution  ; 

*  always  abounding  in  the  work  of  the  Lord.' 

There  is  another  instance  in  which  these 
pious  women  exercised  confidence  —  depend- 
ing on  the  providence  of  God,  staying  them- 
selves by  faith  on  his  promises  ;  and  thus 
looking  forward  with  a  firm,  unruffled  mind 
towards  those  trying,  painful,  perilous  events 
which  were  expected  to  befall  them.  The 
scripture,  with  its  usual  tenderness,  furnishes 
the  woman  with  this  soothing,  tranquillizing 
hope,  in  prospect  of  a  season  the  most  anxious, 

*  Notwithstanding  she  shall  be  saved  in  child- 
birth, if  they  continue  in  faith  and  charity,  and 
holiness,  with  sobriety.' 

II.  Men  and  Brethren,  you  have  been 
hearing  my  address  to  the  companions  of  your 
lives.  But  1  hope  you  deem  instruction  equal- 
ly necessary  for  yourselves.  I  hope  you  are 
not  inclined  to  take  advantage  of  the  subject, 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES.  83 


to  abuse  your  authority  or  your  claims.  Be 
assured  they  are  not  unquahfied.  If  the  wife 
is  to  be  governed  by  you,  you  are  to  be  gov- 
erned by  reason  and  religion.  If  she  is  to 
submit,  you  are  to  honour.  If  in  some  things 
there  is  a  difference,  in  others,  and  those  too 
the  most  interesting  and  durable,  there  is  an 
equality.*  '  Likewise,  ye  husbands,  dwell 
with  them  according  to  knovvledge,  giving 
honour  unto  the  wife,  as  unto  the  weaker  ves- 
sel ;  and  as  being  heirs  together  of  the  grace 
of  life  ;  that  your  prayers  be  not  hindered.' 
Observe,  my  brethren,  1st,  the  representation 
of  your  duty  ;  and  2dly,  the  motives  by  which, 
it  is  enforced. 

The  representation  of  your  duty  compre- 
hends two  things. 

1.  You  are  to  '  dwell  with  them  accord- 
ing TO  KNOWLEDGE.'  This  intends  nothinor 
less  than  residence,  opposed  to  absence  and 
roving.  It  is  absurd  for  those  who  have  no 
prospect  of  cohabitation  to  enter  this  state,  and 
those  who  are  already  in  it,  should  not  be 
unnecessarily  abroad.  Circumstances  of  vari- 
ous kinds  will  doubdess  render  occasional  ex- 


84  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

cursions  unavoidable  ;  but  let  a  man  return  as 
soon  as  the  design  of  his  absence  is  accom- 
plished, and  let  him  always  travel  with  the 
words  of  Solomom  in  his  mind,  '  As  a  bird 
that  wandereth  from  her  nest,  so  is  a  man  that 
wandereth  from  his  place.'  Can  a  man,  while 
fi'om  home,  discharge  the  duties  he  owes  to 
his  household  ?  Can  he  discipline  histhildren  ? 
Can  he  maintain  the  worship  of  God  in  his 
family  ?  1  know  it  is  the  duty  of  the  wife  to 
lead  the  devotion  in  the  absence  of  the  hus- 
band ;  and  she  should  take  it  up  as  a  cross,  if 
not  for  the  time  as  a  privilege.  Few  however 
are  thus  disposed,  and  hence  one  of  the  sanc- 
tuaries of  God,  for  weeks  and  months  together, 
is  shut  up.  I  am  sorry  to  say,  there  are  some 
husbands  who  seem  fonder  of  any  society  than 
the  company  of  their  wives.  It  appears  in 
the  disposal  of  their  leisure  hours.  How  few 
of  these  are  appropriated  to  the  wife  !  The 
evenings  are  the  most  domestic  periods  of  the 
day.  To  these  the  wife  is  peculiarly  entitled  ; 
she  is  now  most  free  from  her  numerous  cares, 
and  most  at  liberty  to  enjoy  reading  and  con- 
versation.    It  is  a  sad  reflection  upon  a  man 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND  WIVES.  85 

when  he  is  fond  of  spending  his  evenings 
abroad.  It  implies  something  bad,  and  it  pre- 
dicts something  worse. 

But  though  the  apostle  intends  nothing  less 
than  residence,  he  designs  much  more.  Res- 
idence is  required  with  a  view  to  the  perform- 
ance of  all  the  duties  of  the  state,  and  is  used 
to  express  them.  In  the  discharge  of  these 
obligations,  the  husband  is  to  act  '  according  to 
knowledge,'  to  '  behave'  himself  '  wisely,'  to 
regulate  all  his  proceedings  by  a  holy  discre- 
tion. O  ye  husbands,  show  that  you  are  ca- 
pable of  the  relation  in  which  you  are  placed  ! 
If  you  will  be  the  head,  remember  the  head 
is  not  only  the  seat  of  government,  but  of 
knowledge.  If  you  will  have  the  management 
of  the  ship,  see  that  a  fool  is  not  placed  at  the 
helm.  Shall  the  blind  offer  themselves  as 
guides  ?  To  enable  you  to  live  as  a  Christian 
husband,  in  how  many  instances  will  the  exer- 
cise of  an  enlightened  prudence  be  found  nec- 
essary !  By  this  you  are  to  ascertain  the 
temper,  the  excellencies,  the  foible  of  your 
associates.  This  is  to  teach  you,  how  to  ac- 
commodate.    This  is  to  show  you,  when  to 


86  THE   MUTUAL   DUTIES 

see  as  if  you  saw  not,  and  to  hear  as  if  you 
heard  not.  This  is  to  tell  you  how  to  extin- 
guish the  torch  of  discord ;  how  even  to  pre- 
vent the  kindling  of  strife  ;  when  to  give  up, 
when  to  recede  from  a  lawful  claim  for  the 
sake  of  a  greater  good.  This  is  to  teach  you 
also,  when  you  are  not  to  yield.  Adam,  to 
indulge  the  solicitation  of  his  wife,  disobeyed 
the  commands  of  Heaven.  By  the  same  soft, 
seducing  instrumentality,  the  heart  of  Solomon 
was  turned  aside  from  God.  Their  sad  ex- 
amples have  been  unhappily,  too  often  follow- 
ed. But,  w^ould  she  force  upon  you  her 
antipathies  ;  would  she  embroil  you  in  all  the 
resentments  of  caprice,  or  rivalry  ;  would  she 
allure  you  towards  scenes  of  dissipation  and 
gaiety  ;  would  she  urge  you  to  extravagance 
in  appearances,  dress,  table,  furniture  ;  would 
she  chill  you  with  suspicions,  and  render  you 
less  generous ;  the  importunity  of  woman, 
'  lovely  w^oman,'  is  to  be  in  vain.  '  He  that 
loveth'  even  '  his  wife  more  than  me,  is  not 
worthy  of  me.' 

2dly.    You  are  to  '  give  honour  unto  the 
wife.' — What  honour  ? 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  87 

The  honour  of  esteem.  This  is  to  arise 
from  a  consciousness  of  her  worth,  and  a 
knowledge  of  her  importance  in  the  communi- 
ty, in  the  family,  and  to  yourselves,  by  polish- 
ing your  character,  dividing  your  cares,  soothing 
your  sorrows,  affording  you  in  a  peaceful  home 
a  refuge  from  the  storm,  an  asylum  from  the 
mortifications  of  an  unfriendly  world. 

The  honour  of  attachment.  This  affec- 
tion is  to  be  peculiar,  undivided,  unrivalled. 
Nothing  is  to  wear  it  away,  nothing  to  diminish 
it :  no  length  of  time,  no  discovery  of  imper- 
fection. Children  are  parts  of  yourselves,  but 
your  wives  are  yourselves.  '  No  man  ever 
yet  hated  his  own  flesh  :'  but  many  a  monster 
has  done  so.  I  disdain  to  notice  those  miscre- 
ants, who  can  have  recourse  to  blows  ;  but 
those  who  can  indulge  in  a  churlishness  of 
behaviour,  a  sharpness  of  language,  an  unkind- 
ness  of  looks,  would  do  well  to  consider  how 
far  they  are  complying  with  the  divine  com- 
mand, '  Husbands,  love  your  wives,  and  be 
not  bitter  against  them.' 

The  honour  of  attention.  Nothing  is  so 
intolerable  to  a  female  as  neglect ;   and  upon 


88  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

what  principle  can  a  man  justify  indifference, 
Omissions  of  observance,  and  heedless  manners 
towards  a  wife  ?  Has  he  not  chosen  her  ? 
Has  he  not  declared  his  preference  ?  Are  not 
the  vows  of  God  upon  him  ?  Is  she  not  the 
chief  relation  he  possesses  on  earth  ? 

The  honour  of  confidence.  You  are  not 
to  proceed  without  their  knowledge  and  advice. 
In  many  cases  their  opinion  may  be  preferable 
to  your  own.  Their  judgment  may  be  less 
clouded  by  interest:  they  stand  back  from 
the  object,  you  are  too  near  ;  they  are  cool 
and  calm,  you,  by  being  in  the  scene,  are 
ruffled,  and  inflamed.  An  eminent  minister 
of  the  gospel  has  published  to  the  world, '  That 
he  had  never  in  any  particular  business  acted 
contrary  to  the  suggestions  of  his  wife,  without 
having  reason  afterwards  to  repent  of  it.'  I 
believe  there  are  many  who  are  restrained  from 
similar  acknowledgments  only  by  a  want  of 
candor.  Some  husbands  never  consult  their 
wives  ;  or  even  deign  to  inform  them  :  and 
their  wives  have  often  to  learn  from  others,  or 
from  events,  things  in  which  perhaps  they  are 
most  deeply  concerned. 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  89 

The  honour  of  maintenance.  You  are  to 
provide  for  them,  and  enable  them  to  appear 
becoming  their  rank  and  situation  in  life.  What 
can  we  think  of  the  man  who  squanders  away 
his  substance  upon  his  lewd  or  his  drunken 
appetites,  reduces  his  wife  to  a  drudge,  and 
suffers  her  with  her  babes  to  struo^crle  with  the 
hardships  of  penury,  unable  to  procure  a  suffi- 
ciency of  food,  or  raiment  ?  '  If  any  provide 
not  for  his  own,  and  especially  for  those  of  his 
own  house,  he  hath  denied  the  faith,  and  is 
worse  than  an  infidel.' 

The  honour  of  benevolence.  You  are  to 
enable  her  to  do  good.  Every  man  should 
devote  a  proportion  of  his  property  to  charita- 
ble uses,  and  he  should  not  by  his  distribution 
of  the  whole,  draw  towards  himself  all  the 
regards  of  the  relieved  and  obhged.  His  wife 
should  command  a  share  of  the  means  and  of 
the  honour.  Husbands  !  give  your  wives 
ttiose  proofs  of  regard  wiiich  reason  and  reve- 
lation demand  for  them,  and  we  shall  soon  hear 
less  of  your  reflections  and  complaints. 

Observe,  2dl}^  the  motives  by  which  this 
duty  is  enforced.     They  are  three. 


90  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

The  first  is  taken  from  the  natural  condition 
of  the  sex.  '  She  is  the  weaker  vessel.' 
If  this  be  mentioned  as  a  reason  to  excite  a 
becoming  behaviour  towards  the  wife,  there 
can  be  nothing  in  the  expression  degrading, 
nothing  that  tends  to  diminish  the  honour 
we  are  bound  to  show  them,  nothing  that  is 
not  adapted,  when  properly  considered,  to 
promote  it.  No  invidious  comparisons  are 
here  justified  between  the  powers  of  the  mind. 
Whether  there  would  be  any  disparity,  were 
females  placed  in  the  same  circumstances,  in- 
dulged with  the  same  advantages,  and  allowed 
to  feel  the  same  motives  with  their  brethren, 
it  would  be  needless  to  determine.  They 
have  taken  good  care  often  to  prove,  that  the 
difference  is  not  so  vast  as  some  male  monop- 
olists are  willing  to  suppose.  The  reference 
is  obvious  and  striking.  Nature  is  ahvays  wise. 
It  gives  more  strength  where  it  is  necessary, 
and  less,  where  other  qualities  supersede  if. 
Milton  has  finely  expressed  the  difference  in 
the  original  pair  : 

'For  contemplation  he  and  valour  form'd, 
J'or  softness  she  and  sweet  attractive  grace,' 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  91 

Her  bodily  strength  is  inferior,  her  consti- 
tution less  firm  and  vigorous,  her  frame  more 
tender,  her  temper  more  yielding,  her  circum- 
stances more  generally  depressing.  A  rose,  a 
lily,  allows  of  no  rough  usages.  Tenderness 
demands  gentleness  :  delicacy,  care  :  pliancy, 
props.  Has  a  condition  fewer  resources,  and 
is  there  much  in  it  of  the  afflictive  and.  hum- 
bling ?  The  more  does  it  need  succour,  and 
the  more  necessary  is  every  assistance  to  main- 
tain and  increase  the  consequence  of  it,  espe- 
cially where  so  much  depends  upon  the  re- 
spectability of  the  character  who  fills  it.  Where 
is  the  man  who  is  not  alive  to  this  consideration  ? 
Where  is  the  husband,  who,  reflecting  on  her 
peculiar  circumstances,  would  not  be  disposed 
by  every  possible  means  to  promote  the  dig- 
nity, and  the  satisfaction  of  a  wife  ?  What  is 
the  language  of  these  circumstances  ?  '  Honour 
us  ;  deal  kindly  with  us.  From  many  of  the 
opportunities,  and  means  by  which  you  procure 
favourable  notice,  we  are  excluded.  Doomed 
to  the  shades,  few  of  the  high  places  of  the 
earth  are  open  to  us.  Alternately  we  are 
adored,  and  oppressed.    From  our  slaves,  you 


92  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

become  our  tyrants.  You  feel  our  beauty,  and 
avail  yourselves  of  our  weakness.  You  com- 
plain of  our  inferiority,  but  none  of  your  beha- 
viour bids  us  rise.  Sensibility  has  given  us  a 
thousand  feelings,  which  nature  has  kindly 
denied  you.  Always  under  restraints,  we  have 
little  liberty  of  choice.  Providence  seems  to 
have  been  more  attentive  to  enable  us  to  con- 
fer happiness,  than  to  enjoy  it.  Every  con- 
dition has  for  us  fresh  mortifications  ;  every 
relation,  new  sorrows.  We  enter  social  bonds  ; 
it  is  a  system  of  perpetual  sacrifice.  We 
cannot  give  life  to  others,  without  hazarding 
our  own.  We  have  sufferings  which  you  do 
not  share,  cannot  share.  If  spared,  years,  and 
decays  invade  our  charms,  and  much  of  the 
ardour  produced  by  attraction  departs  with  it. 
We  may  die.  The  grave  covers  us,  and  we 
are  soon  forgotten  :  soon  are  the  days  of  your 
mourning  ended,  soon  is  our  loss  repaired  ; 
dismissed  even  from  your  speech,  our  name  is 
to  be  heard  no  more  ;  a  successor  may  dislike 
it.  Our  children,  after  having  a  mother  by 
nature,  may  fall  under  the  control  of  a  mother 
by  affinity,   and  be  mortified  by  distinctions 


OF  HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  93 

made  between  them,  and  her  own  offspring. 
Though  the  duties  which  we  have  discharged 
invariably,  be  the  most  important  and  neces- 
sary, they  do  not  shine  :  they  are  too  common 
to  strike  :  they  procure  no  celebrity  :  the  wife, 
the  mother,  fills  no  historic  page.  Our  priva- 
tions, our  confinements,  our  wearisome  days, 
our  interrupted,  our  sleepless  nights,  the  hours 
we  have  hung  in  anxious  watchings  over  your 
sick  and  dying  offspring.' 

Behold  a  second  motive.  It  is  derived  from 
the  dignity  of  the  wife  as  a  mutual  partaker  of 
the  privileges  of  the  gospel.  No  inequality 
reigns  here.  It  is  a  '  common  salvation.'  Are 
you,  O  man,  an  '  heir  of  the  grace  of  life  ?' 
So  are  they  ;  heirs  together  with  you,  in 
the  same  degree,  having  the  same  claims,  the 
same  hopes,  the  same  reversions.  '  There  is 
neither  Jew  nor  Greek,  there  is  neither  bond 
nor  free,  there  is  neither  male  nor  female  ;  for 
ye  are  all  one  in  Christ  Jesus.'  Can  a  woman 
be  an  infidel?  What  self-degradation  I  Need 
she  be  told  her  obligations  to  Christianity  ? 
What  has  raised  her  so  high  in  the  scale  of 
importance  ?      What  system  has  done  such 


94  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

justice  to  her  claims  ?  In  what  country  have 
the  provisions  of  legislation  lost  sight  of  the 
distinction  of  male  and  female  ;  looked  at  both 
with  the  same  aspect,  rendered  the  one  as 
personally  responsible  as  the  other,  and  entitled 
them  equally  to  the  same  rights  and  privileges  ? 
When  a  woman  steps  on  this  sacred  ground, 
she  becomes  free  ;  she  is  her  own ;  she  is  a 
party,  she  treats  for  hiCrself.  Here,  my  sisters, 
your  reproach  is  rolled  away.  We  see  one  of 
your  sex  bringing  forth  '  ImmaiNuel,  God  with 
us.'  We  see  the  angels  of  heaven  bringing 
you  messages,  and  performing  for  you  miracles. 
We  see  you  last  at  the  cross,  and  first  at  the 
tomb  of  our  common  Lord.  We  see  Jehovah 
listening  to  your  supplications,  and  maintaining 
your  cause.  We  see  you  'the  daughters 
of  the  Lord  Almighty.'  We  see  you  redeemed 
with  an  infinite  price,  destined  to  possess  a 
'far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of 
glory,'  and  hastening  to  partake  of  a  resurrec- 
tion in  which  they  '  neither  marry  nor  are 
given  in  marriage,  but  are  as  the  angels  of 
God  in  heaven.' 

A  third  reason  is  drawn  from  those  devo- 


OF   HUSBANDS   AND   WIVES.  95 

tlonal  exercises  which  cannot  be  properly  per- 
formed where  relative  duty  is  not  observed  : 
'  That  your  prayers  be  not  hindered.'  It  is 
impossible  for  a  Christian  to  live  without  prayer. 
He  prays  alone,  and  he  prays  with  others.  The 
field,  the  temple,  the  closet,  the  family,  are  with 
him  places  '  where  prayer  is  wont  to  be  made.' 
How  necessary  is  prayer  in  the  marriage 
state  !  How  does  social  devotion  sweeten 
social  life  !  It  obtains  strength  for  its  duties, 
and  succour  for  its  trials.  It  gives  a  direction 
to  the  mind,  by  which  we  escape  numberless 
snares  ;  an  elevation,  by  which  we  rise  above 
a  thousand  vexations.  How  it  sanctifies  our 
comforts  !  How  it  prepares  the  soul  for  dis- 
appointment or  success  !  How  it  calls  down 
the  blessing  of  Heaven  to  '  attend  the  labour 
of  our  hand  !'  How  it  attracts  the  divine 
presence,  and  places  Him  within  our  reach 
'  who  is  nigh  unto  all  them  that  call  upon  him  ; 
to  all  that  call  upon  him  in  tmth.'  Of  a  pray- 
erful habitation  it  may  be  said.  How  glorious 
is  this  place  !  '  This  is  none  other  than  the 
house  of  God,  and  this  is  the  gate  of  heaven  !' 
'  The  voice  of  reioicinor  and  of  salvation  is  in 


96  THE   MUTUAL  DUTIES 

the  tabernacles  of  the  righteous.'  O  happy 
mansion  !  where  all  the  members  of  the  family 
*  dwell  together  in  unity ;'  living  with  each 
other  here,  as  those  who  expect  to  be  associ- 
ates forever ;  maintaining  a  friendship,  the 
centre  of  which  is  religion,  the  duration  of 
which  is  eternity,  the  bonds  of  which  are  '  faith 
and  love  which  are  in  Christ  Jesus.' 

Guard,  therefore,  against  every  thing  inju- 
rious to  the  service  of  God  in  your  families. 
Let  nothing  hinder  its  exercise.  Let  nothing 
prevent  its  fervour.  Let  nothing  destroy  its 
freedom.  Let  nothing  frustrate  its  efficacy. 
Let  nothing  limit,  or  even  delay  its  success. 
Let  your  whole  conversation  be  consistent  with 
devotion,  or  preparatory  to  it.  Avoid  what- 
ever renders  an  introduction  into  the  Divine 
presence  less  easy,  or  less  delightful.  Keep 
open  a  passage  wide  enough  to  advance  to- 
gether to  the  throne  of  grace.  Go  hand  in 
hand  into  his  presence  :  '  Agree,  touching  the 
things  you  shall  ask,  and  it  shall  be  done  for 
you  of  our  heavenly  Father.' 

In  reviewing  the  subject,  I  would  beseech 
you,  my  dear  hearers,   to   remember,   That 


OF  HUSBANDS  AND   WIVES.  97 

those  who  make  hght  of  moral  and  relative 
duties,  contemn  the  will  of  God.  '  He  knows 
what  is  in  man,'  and  what  is  necessary  to  him. 
Every  condition  lies  open  to  his  view.  He 
sees  how  things  blend,  and  how  they  issue  ; 
how  they  oppose,  or  how  they  aid  each  other. 
Though  invisible  to  us,  he  sees  the  worm  that 
lies  at  the  root  of  our  social  happiness  :  we 
wonder  at  the  effect,  he  sees  the  cause,  and 
would  remove  it.  He  has  condescended  to 
speak  :  we  have  his  judgment  relative  to  ev- 
ery station  and  relation  in  life.  He  speaks  as 
a  sovereign  who  has  authority  to  command, 
and  he  speaks  as  a  friend  who  consults  your 
welfare,  and  '  takes  pleasure  in  the  prosperity 
of  his  servants.' 

Again.  We  have  reason  to  lament,  that 
there  is  such  a  general  deficiency  among  pro- 
fessors of  religion,  with  regard  to  those  duties 
which  they  owe  to  each  other.  Many,  to 
show  their  love  to  the  gospel,  testify  their  in- 
difference to  the  law.  Numbers  are  too  ortho- 
dox, or  too  devotional,  to  be  moral.  Morality 
is  below  their  faith,  or  their  raptures.  Various 
things  their  system  has  taught  them  ;  but  one> 
9 


98  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES 

thing  it  has  not  taught  them,  one  thing  it  does 
not  require  them  to  learn  —  'to  deny  all  un- 
godliness and  worldly  lusts,  and  to  live  soberly, 
righteously,  and  godly  in  the  present  world.' 
Shall  ministers,  by  their  silence,  be  accessary 
to  this  corruption  of  manners,  this  awful  per- 
version of  religion  ?  Let  them  '  affirm,  con- 
stantly, that  they  which  have  believed  in  God 
must  be  careful  to  maintain  good  works.  These 
things  are  good  and  profitable  unto  men.' 

Let  those  who  stand  already  in  the  marriage 
relation,  be  willing  to  know,  and  to  practise 
the  duties  w^hich  spring  from  it.  Enter,  my 
brethren  and  sisters,  the  temple  of  revelation ; 
bov/  before  the  divine  oracle ;  say,  '  Lord, 
what  wilt  thou  have  me  to  do.'  '  Speak,  Lord, 
for  thy  servant  heareth.'  Extract  from  the 
scripture,  the  mind  of  God  concerning  your- 
selves individually.  Take  home  the  words  I 
have  been  explaining.  Read,  compare,  re- 
solve, reform.  Let  not  husbands  take  aw^ay 
the  duties  of  the  wife,  nor  wives  the  duties  of 
the  husband  ;  but  let  both  take  respectively 
their  own,  and  say,  '  O  that  my  feet  were  di- 
rected to  keep  thy  statutes.'     '  I  have  chosen 


OF   HUSBANDS  AND  TVIVES.  99 

the  way  of  truth,  thy  judgments  have  I  laid 
before  me.'  '  Through  thy  precepts  1  get 
understandmg,  therefore  I  hate  every  false 
way.'  '  I  have  sworn,  and  I  will  perform  it, 
that  I  will  keep  thy  righteous  judgments.' 

Let  the  young  think  of  this,  and  let  it  influ- 
ence their  choice.  Let  those  think  of  it,  who 
are  approaching  this  holy  state.  By  many  it 
is  totally  overlooked  ;  and  they  contract  mar- 
riages on  considerations  purely  accidental,  or 
worldly  ;  as  if  they  wished  to  marry,  not  to 
be  happy ;  to  gain  each  other,  not  to  enjoy. 
Who  forms  this  alliance  as  a  Christian  ?  Who 
enters  it  with  those  views  and  motives  the 
gospel  supplies  ?  Who  consults  God  in  the 
undertaking  ?  Who  has  the  banns  published 
in  heaven  to  ascertain  what  impediments  are 
pleaded  there  ?  Thus  persons  are  often  un- 
suitably bound  together  by  an  engagement, 
which  can  only  be  dissolved  by  death,  that 
comes  to  release  them  from  one  prison,  and 
conduct  them  into  another. 

But  may  I  not  congratulate  others  ?  My 
beloved  friends,  in  this  important  concern,  you 
have  done  nothing  without  asking  counsel  of 


100         DUTIES  OF  HUSBANDS  AND  WIVES. 

the  Lord.  By  faith  and  prayer,  I  am  per- 
suaded you  have  engaged  that  Saviour  who 
was  present  at  the  marriage  of  Cana  in  GaU- 
lee,  to  honour  your  approaching  nuptials  ;  and 
under  tlie  influence  of  his  gracious  Spirit,  your 
mutual  affections  shall  increase  with  time,  and 
shine  bright  to  all  eternity.  I  look  forward 
and  see  you  blessing  and  blessed.  I  see  you 
'  walking  in  all  the  commandments  and  ordi- 
nances of  the  Lord  blameless.'  I  see  your 
'children  like  olive-plants  around  your  table.' 
I  see  you  endeavouring  to  form  them  into 
characters,  and  to  '  train  them  up  in  the  nur- 
ture and  admonition  of  the  Lord.'  I  see  you 
resigning  each  other  with  the  feelings  and 
hopes  of  Christians.  '  For  this  I  say,  the 
time  is  short :  It  remaineth,  therefore,  that 
both  they  that  have  wives,  be  as  though  they 
had  none  ;  and  they  that  weep,  as  though 
they  wept  not ;  and  they  that  rejoice,  as 
though  they  rejoiced  not ;  and  they  that  buy, 
as  though  they  possessed  not ;  and  they  that 
use  this  \^'Drld,  as  not  abusing  it :  for  the  fash- 
ion of  this  world  passeth  away  ;'  and  you  are 
hastening  from  the  altar  to  the  tomb. 


WIFE'S    ADVOCATE 

A  DISCOURSE, 


PREACHED 


ON  A  MARRIAGE  OCCASION. 


'Husbands,  love  your  Wives,  and  be  not  bitter  against  them.' 

'  Husbands,  love  your  Wives,   even  as  Christ  also   loved  the  Church, 

and  gave  himself  for  it.'  — PauZ. 
'  True  greatness  is  always  tender  and  sympathising.'  — Laualer. 


PREFACE. 


When  the  Author,  if  he  may  be  excused  a  reference  to  himself, 
quite  a  youth,  first  went  to  London,  and  was  all  anxiety  to  hear 
the  preachers  of  the  fumed  metropolis,  he  was  told  by  a  friend, 

if  he  wished  to  hear  a  good  doctrinal  sermon,  he  must  hear ; 

if  an  experimental,  he  must  hear ;  and  if  a  practical,  he  must 

hear .    And  he  well  remembers  simply  asking,  '  But  is  there  no 

minister  here  who  preaches  all  these  ?    I  should  rather  hear  him. 

This  mode,  he  is  conscious,  he  has  always  aimed  and  endeav- 
oured to  follow  himself:  and  by  this  criterion  he  is  willing  to  be 
judged,  not  indeed  by  an  occasional  hearer,  but  by  his  regular  and 
constant  attendants.  The  following  discourse,  therefore,  is  not 
to  be  taken  as  a  specimen  of  his  preaching,  but  as  apart;  the  pro- 
priety and  usefulness  of  which,  are  to  be  viewed  in  alliance  with 
other  parts,  and  in  harmony  with  the  whole. 

A  minister,  who,  like  Epaphras,  would  'stand  perfect  anci 
complete  in  all  the  will  of  God,'  viust  inculcate  the  relative  duties. 

And  he  will  find  his  advantage  in  enforcing  them  connectedly. 
Each  party  will  the  better  receive  —  especially  admonition  and 
reproof;  when  the  corresponding  party  is  addressed  at  the  same 
time,  and  in  the  same  manner:  because  it  will  show  that  the 
preacher  has  no  private  aim  ;  and  is  no  respecter  of  persons. 

The  apostles  invariably  adopted  this  method.  If  they  addressed 
servants,  they  always  addressed  masters.  If  they  exhorted  chil- 
dren, they  always  exhorted  parents  also.  It  was  the  same  with 
regard  to  the  conjugal  relations. 

Bath,  December  1,  1829. 


DISCOURSE. 


Malachi  ii.  13  —  15. 


j?nrf  thi?  have  ye  done  airain,  covering  the  altar  of  the  Lord  with  tears, 
with  weeping-,  and  with  crying  out,  insomuch  that  he  regardeth  not 
the  offering  any  more,  or  receiveth  it  with  good-wiU  at  your  hand. 
Yet  ye  say.  Wherefore  7  Because  the  Lord  hath  been  loitness  between 
thee  and  the  wife  of  thy  youth,  against  whom  thou  hast  dealt  treach- 
erously :  yet  is  she  thy  companion,  and  the  wife  of  thy  covenant. 
Jlnd  did  not  he  make  one!  Yet  had  he  the  residue  of  the  Spirit. 
And  tcherefore  onel  That  he  might  seek  a  godly  seed.  Therefore 
take  heed  to  your  spirit,  and  let  none  deal  treacherously  agaiiist  the 
wife  of  his  youth. 

It  has  been  the  lot  of  some  very  good  men, 
to  live  in  very  bad  times.  And  this  was  the 
case  with  Malachi.  Even  then,  indeed,  some 
were  found, '  who  feared  the  Lord,  and  thought 
upon  his  name.'  And  they  were  graciously 
noticed  and  distinguished  by  him  :  '  They  shall 
be  mine,  saith  the  Lord  of  Hosts,  in  that  day 
when  I  shall  make  up  my  jewels  ;  and  I  will 
spare  them  as  a  man  spareth  his  own  son  that 
serveth  him.' 


J04  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

These,  however,  were  only  so  many  excep- 
tions from  the  multitude  ;  and  resembled  a 
few  small  luminaries,  that  serve  to  render  the 
darkness  between,  the  more  palpable.  Ac- 
cording to  the  language  of  our  prophet,  the 
degeneracy  was  complete.  From  the  crown 
of  the  head  to  the  soul  of  the  foot,  there  was 
no  soundness.  The  young  and  the  old  ;  the 
rich  and  the  poor ;  rulers  and  subjects  ;  priests 
and  people,  were  all  deeply  revolted  from  God. 

In  such  a  corrupt  state  of  society,  the  office 
of  a  minister  is  not  a  very  enviable,  or  easy 
one.  It  is  trying  to  censure  and  condemn  ; 
and  he  that  is  not  faithful  to  his  conscience 
and  commission,  will  fail  under  the  trial,  and 
prophesy  smooth  things,  because  the  multitude 
love  to  have  it  so.  But  the  man  of  God, 
raised  above  the  love  of  fame,  and  the  dread 
of  frowns,  will  not  shun  '  to  declare  all  the 
counsel  of  God,'  '  warning  every  man,  and 
teaching  every  man  in  all  wisdom,  that  he  may 
present  every  man  perfect  in  Christ  Jesus.' 

The  connexions  of  life,  the  sources  of  so 
much  virtue  and  sin,  happiness  and  misery  j 
are  numerous  and  various  ;  and  when  properly 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  105 

estimated,  they  are  not  to  be  judged  of  by  their 
publicity,  and  elevation,  and  splendor ;  but  by 
the  constancy  of  their  influence,  the  extent  of 
their  operation,  and  the  importance  of  their 
effects.  The  most  ordinary  relations,  therefore, 
are  the  most  fundamental.  These  are  the 
DOMESTIC.  Communities  originate  from  fam- 
ilies ;  and  depend  upon  them  :  and  the  quality 
of  the  one  must  partake  largely  of  the  attributes 
of  the  other.  In  religious  concerns,  it  is  not 
too  much  to  say,  with  Philip  Henry,  that  '  a 
man  is  really  what  he  is  relatively.'  We  are 
aware  that  there  is  much  of  instinct  in  the 
relative  affections  ;  and  that  they  do  not  strike 
far  into  moral  character.  The  existence  of 
them  alone,  is  not  a  sufficient  proof  of  piety. 
But  it  is  otherwise  with  the  absence  of  them. 
This  is  decisive  evidence  against  a  person. 
If  he  is  bad  at  home,  he  is  bad  every  where. 
If  he  is  a  bad  father,  and  a  bad  husband,  he 
cannot  be  a  good  man.  And,  therefore,  when 
a  very  eminent  minister  was  asked  whether  he 
thought  a  certain  individual  was  truly  pious, 
he  replied,  ^  I  cannot  tell — I  never  lived  with 
him.' 

10 


106  THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

Hence  a  preacher  that  would  make  full 
proof  of  his  ministry,  must  enter  the  scenery 
of  families,  and  inquire  how  matters  stand  be- 
tween masters  and  servants  ;  parents  and  chil- 
dren ;  wives  and  husbands. 

And  it  is  here,  we  find  Malachi.  He  is 
dealing  with  the  latter  relationship  ;  and  he 
speaks  boldly  as  he  ought  to  speak  :  '  And 
this  have  ye  done  again,  covering  the  altar  of 
the  Lord  with  tears,  with  weeping,  and  with 
crying  out,  insomuch  that  he  regardeth  not 
the  offering  any  more,  or  receiveth  it  with 
good-will  at  your  hand.  Yet  ye  say.  Where- 
fore ?  Because  the  Lord  hath  been  witness 
between  thee  and  the  wife  of  thy  youth,  against 
whom  thou  hast  dealt  treacherously  :  yet  is 
she  thy  companion,  and  the  wife  of  thy  cove- 
nant. And  did  not  he  make  one  ?  Yet  had  he 
the  residue  of  the  Spirit.  And  wherefore  one  ? 
That  he  might  seek  a  godly  seed.  Therefore 
take  heed  to  your  spirit,  and  let  none  deal 
treacherously  against  the  wife  of  his  youth.' 

Let  us  attend  to  four  articles. 

The  subject  of  complaint. 

The  aggravation  of  the  offence. 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  107 

The  CONDEMNATION  OF  THE    TRANSGRES- 
SOR. 

The  means  of  prevention. 


I.  The  subject  of  complaint.  The 
charge  is  against  unkind  husbands  ;  and  con- 
sists in  this  —  That  they  embittered  the  Hves 
of  those  they  ought  to  have  loved  and  cher- 
ished ;  so  that  they  caused  them,  when  they 
approached  the  sanctuary  of  God,  instead  of 
rejoicing  before  him,  as  his  service  required,  to 
break  forth  into  the  most  passionate  expression^ 
of  grief.  '  This  have  ye  done,  covering  the 
ahar  of  the  Lord  with  tears,  with  weeping,  and 
with  crying  out.' 

Who  does  not  here  call  to  mind  the  history 
of  Hannah  ?  '  And  as  she  went  to  the  house 
of  the  Lord,  so  her  adversary  provoked  her 
much,  for  to  make  her  fret,  because  the  Lord 
had  shut  up  her  womb.  Therefore  she  wept 
and  did  not  eat — and  she  was  in  bitterness  of 
soul,  and  prayed  unto  the  Lord,  and  wept 
sore.'  But  you  say,  '  This  was  not  occasioned 
by  Elkanah.  He  was  an  attached  and  an  at- 
tentive husband.'     It  is  true,  it  was  not  occa- 


108  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

sioned  by  liim  immediately;  but  it  was  so 
really.  Had  Hannah  been,  as  she  ought  to 
have  been,  his  only  wife,  the  distress  would 
have  been  prevented ;  and  she  would  not 
have  found  herself  in  alliance  with  a  fellows- 
wife,  that  delighted  to  insult  and  aggravate  her 
disappointment. 

And  you  will  observe,  that  this  w'as  one  of 
the  ways,  in  which  the  husbands,  here  com- 
plained of,  converted  the  very  devotion  of  their 
wives  into  mourning,  and  made  the  altar  of 
God,  not  a  place  of  gladness  and  praise,  but 
of  refuge  and  appeal.  They  added  to  their 
number  ;  and  thus  vexed  and  degraded  their 
wives,  by  reducing  them  from  peace  to  a  state 
of  contention  ;  from  supremacy  to  jealousy 
and  rivalship  ;  from  being  the  sole  objects  of 
attraction,  to  share  divided,  diminished,  preca- 
rious regards. 

Though  polygamy  had  been  long  practised, 
it  w^as  never  justified.  The  very  tolerance  of 
it,  in  every  instance,  showed  most  clearly  and 
strongly  by  the  effects,  that  it  was  a  deviation 
from  rectitude.  That  which  is  irreconcilable 
to  the  welfare  of  domestic  life,  could  never 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  109 

obtain  the  approbation  of  Him  who  ordained 
that  state,  not  only  for  the  purpose  of  purity, 
but  of  peace  and  happiness.  The  evils  arising 
from  the  usage  itself,  therefore,  had  so  far 
checked  it,  that  in  Judea,  at  the  time  of.  our 
Saviour,  we  meet  with  no  instances  of  it.  It 
was  also  forbidden  among  the  Greeks  and  Ro- 
mans. And  this  accounts,  as  Paley  observes, 
for  our  finding  no  particular  enactment  against 
it  in  the  New  Testament ;  but  it  is  said,  '  To 
avoid  fornication,  let  every  man  have  his  own 
wife — not  wives  ;  and  let  every  wife  have  her 
own  husband.^ 

The  pleasure  of  God  also  appears  in  pro- 
portioning the  actual  number  of  males  and 
females.  There  is,  indeed,  some  little  inequal- 
ity in  the  birtlis  of  these  ;  but  the  fact  strength- 
ens the  reasoning.  If  there  are  born  more 
males  than  females,  by  one  in  nineteen,  the 
level  is  restored  by  the  superior  casualties  to 
which  the  male  sex  is  exposed  ;  and  the  bal- 
ance remaining,  allows  but  one  woman  to  one 
man.  And  what  can  show  the  will  of  God 
more  decisively  than  his  conduct  ?  If  we  go 
back  to  the  beginning  of  the  world,  no  con- 


110  THE  WIFE'S    ADVOCATE. 

ceivable  reason  can  be  given,  why,  if  polygamy 
was  to  be  continued  to  the  human  race,  it 
should  not  have  commenced  with  it.  But 
hear  our  prophet :  '  And  did  not  he  make 
one  ?'  One  Eve  for  one  Adam  ?  Adam  even 
in  Paradise  had  one  wife  only.  This  oneness, 
therefore,  could  not  have  been  deemed  a  con- 
finement, but  a  regulation  becoming  the  most 
perfect  state.  '  Yet  had  he  the  residue  of  the 
Spirit ;'  and  could  therefore  have  made  an- 
other partner  as  fair  and  lovely  as  Eve  herself 
was.  ''  And  wherefore  one  ?  That  he  might 
seek  a  godly  seed.'  And  where  is  such  a  pious 
offspring  likely  to  be  found  ?  Can  children 
be  brought  up  in  the  nurture  and  admonition 
of  the  Lord,  in  the  presence  of  the  lawlessness 
of  one  sex,  and  the  debasement  of  the  other  ? 
In  the  residence  of  oppression,  sensuality,  pas- 
sion, artifice,  hypocrisies  ?  In  the  midst  of 
divided  and  opposing  interests,  dissensions, 
swellings,  tumults  ?  '  Where  envy  and  strife 
is,  there  is  confusion  and  every  evil  work.' 

But  another  of  the  evils  here  reprobated, 
was  the  putting  away  their  wiv^es  when  they 
chose  to  dislike  them.     Unless  in  one  case, 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  HI 

conceded  by  reason  and  revelation,  the  mar- 
riage relation  is  indissoluble.  Hence,  says  our 
Saviour,  in  answer  to  the  question  of  the  Phar- 
isees, '  Is  it  lawful  for  a  man  to  put  away  his 
wife  for  every  cause  ?  Have  ye  not  read,  that 
He  who  made  them  at  the  beginning,  made 
them  male  and  female  ;  and  said,  For  this 
cause  a  man  shall  leave  his  father  and  mother, 
and  cleave  to  his  wife  ;  and  they  twain  shall 
be  one  flesh  ?  What  therefore  God  hath  joined 
together,  let  not  man  put  asunder.'  Upon 
which  they  said  unto  him,  '  Why  then  did 
Moses  command  to  give  a  writing  of  divorce- 
ment, and  to  put  her  away  ?'  He  said  unto 
them,  '  Moses,  because  of  the  hardness  of  your 
hearts,  suffered  you  to  put  away  your  wives ; 
but  from  the  beginning  it  was  not  so.  And  I 
say  unto  you,  whosoever  shall  put  away  his 
wife,  except  it  be  for  fornication,  and  shall 
marry  another,  committeth  adultery  :  and  who- 
soever marrieth  her  which  is  put  away,  doth 
commit  adultery.' 

This  exception  being  made,  '  The  Lord 
God  of  Israel  saith,  that  he  hateth  putting 
aw^ay.'     Cases  of  hardship  bearing  peculiarly 


112  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

on  individuals,  will  doubtless  now  and  then 
occur ;  but  such  occasional  evils  are  more  than 
compensated  by  the  advantages  of  the  limita- 
tion. For  we  should  consider  what  would  be, 
not  the  personal  and  immediate,  but  the  gen- 
eral and  the  ultimate  tendency  and  effects  of 
larger  permission.  Whatever  other  reasons 
for  divorce  were  allowed,  many  would  be  sure 
to  live  up  to  them  ;  and  licentiousness  would 
soon  also  acquire  yet  more  allowance.  This 
was  seen  in  France.  When,  after  the  Revo- 
lution, husbands  were  permitted  to  put  away 
their  wives  for  unsuitableness  of  temper,  mu- 
tual dislike,  perverseness,  and  other  things ; 
bad  men  availed  themselves  of  every  excuse 
to  disensase  themselves  from  restraint ;  and 
dissoluteness  and  misery  spread  among  thou- 
sands, who  would  otherwise  have  been  satisfied 
with  their  condition.  For  people  soon  acqui- 
esce in  what  they  know  to  be  unalterable  ;  and 
their  destiny,  by  habit,  is  easily  moulded  into 
choice.  They  who  are  conscious  that  they 
cannot  separate,  will  feel  that  it  is  their  mutual 
interest  to  forbear,  to  give  up,  and  to  accom- 
modate.    To  which  we  may  add,  that  when 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE,  113 

a  connexion  is  formed  for  life,  much  more 
prudence  and  care  are  likely  to  be  exercised 
in  forming  it,  than  if  it  were  terminable  at 
pleasure. 

We  cannot  be  censured  for  these  remarks. 
Not  only  has  cur  subject  brought  them  before 
us  ;  but  they  are  very  worthy  of  our  attention  ; 
and  we  cannot  help  observing,  that  the  exclu- 
sion of  polygamy  and  the  prohibition  of  divorce, 
confining  marriage  to  one  pair,  and  rendering 
the  union  indissoluble,  have  done  more  to 
promote  and  secure  the  morals  and  welfare  of 
the  community,  than  all  the  institutions,  the 
wisdom  and  goodness  of  legislators  have  ever 
established.  Nor  can  we  be  sufficiently  thank- 
ful, that  in  these  important  concerns,  the  laws 
of  our  country  fall  in  with  the  authority  of  God. 

But  though,  in  this  highly  favoured  land, 
neither  of  tliese  modes  of  domestic  persecution 
is  open  to  a  husband  ;  there  are  many  other 
ways  in  which  he  may  '  cover  the  altar  of  the 
Lord  with  tears,  and  v/Ith  weeping,  and  crying 
out.' 

He  cannot  safely  take  to  himself  more  wives 
than  one.     But  to  that  one   he  may  prove 


114  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

unfaithful ;  and  basely  transfer  to  another,  the 
affection  alone  due  to  herself. 

He  cannot  legally  put  away  his  wife.  But 
by  oppressive  and  cruel,  degrading  and  insult- 
ing conduct,  he  may  force  her  to  withdraw  ; 
and  then  falsely  plead  and  use  the  refusal  to 
live  with  him,  which  he  himself  designedly 
produced. 

I  know  not  how  to  refer  to  bodily  violence. 
'  No  man  ever  yet  hated  his  own  flesh,  but 
nourisheth  and  cherisheth  it.'  But  is  there  a 
brute  in  human  shape  ?  Is  there  a  wretch, 
miscalled  a  husband,  who  is  not  ashamed  to 
execute  what  the  preacher  is  ashamed  even 
to  intimate  ? 

But  every  depth  of  disgrace,  every  exertion 
of  cruelty,  is  not  necessary  to  break  a  tender 
heart,  or  to  crush  a  delicate  spirit.  He  may 
accomplish  his  work  by  studied  neglect ;  by 
churlish  manners  ;  by  unkind  language  ;  by 
alienated  or  angry  looks.  A  contemptuous 
sneer  will  strike  a  death-chill  into  every  feeling. 
A  bitter  irony  will  sting  like  a  scorpion,  and 
leave  the  deadly  rankling  behind. 

He  may  reduce  her  to  the  mortification  of 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  115 

seeing  him  restless  at  home  ;  always  anxious 
to  contrive  or  excuse  absence,  instead  of  dwell- 
ing with  her  according  to  knowledge  ;  and  fond- 
er of  any  company  than  the  society  of  his  wife. 

He  may  deprive  her  of  her  needful  support 
and  comfort.  And  though  she  would  patiently 
and  cheerfully  share  in  the  privations  and  dis- 
tress brought  on  them  by  the  providence  of 
God,  she  cannot  but  feel  grievously  the  trial  of 
hardships  and  straits  arising  solely  from  idleness, 
or  drunkenness,  or  gaming,  or  licentiousness. 

He  may  wound  her,  by  withholding  from 
her  the  confidence  required  by  the  mutuality 
and  unity  of  the  relation — a  relation  that  al- 
lows nothing  to  be  concealed  ;  nothing  to  be 
found  out  by  search  or  accident.  Yet  it  is  not 
a  very  uncommon  trial  for  a  wife,  unapprised, 
unprepared,  to  be  plunged  fi:om  genteel  life 
into  destitution  and  wo  ;  while  she  has  been 
censured  for  living  in  a  style  she  would  have 
been  the  first  to  have  reduced,  had  she  divined 
the  event  that  rendered  it  a  duty. 

We  cannot  do  justice  to  this  part  of  our 
subject.  The  causes  of  complaint  are  num- 
berless.    But  we  must  not  avoid  adding — 


116  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

That  relative  trials  are  often  more  painful  than 
personal  ones.  That  in  the  case  before  us, 
the  anguish  is  enhanced  by  the  nearness  and 
importance  of  the  quarter  from  which  it  comes  ; 
and  that  it  is  frequently  increased  by  secrecy 
and  suppression,  the  sufferer  being  denied  the 
relief  of  pouring  her  sorrow  even  perhaps  into 
the  ear  of  friendship.  The  heart  knows  the 
bitterness.  The  groanings  cannot  be  uttered. 
But  let  us  pass  from  the  complaint  to 

II.  The  aggravation  of  the  offence. 
It  is  taken  from  the  character  of  the  aggrieved. 

First :  '  She  is  the  wife  of  thy  youth.'  The 
exemplification  is  derived  from  an  early  mar- 
riage :  and  the  reference  is  a  countenance  of 
the  usage.  Men  may  marry  when  they  please  ; 
but,  in  order  to  illustrate  the  force  of  this  rela- 
tion, the  scripture  does  not  notice  confederacies 
of  profit ;  bargains  of  conveniency  ;  provisions 
of  nursery-hood  for  infirmity,  and  sickness,  and 
death  ; — the  only  connexion  to  which  God  in 
his  word  ever  alludes,  and  from  which  he 
reasons,  is  ^  the  wife  of  youth.' 

To  such  an  object  there  will  belong  a  pecu- 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  H? 

liar  affection.  It  is  the  first  attachment ;  fresh, 
simple,  and  undebased.  The  feelings  strike 
deeper,  and  root  firmer,  owing  to  earlier  im- 
plantation and  longer  growth.  The  conformity 
between  the  parties  is  more  full  and  perfect ; 
as  they  assimilate  into  the  qualities  of  each 
other  more  easily  while  soft  and  pliant,  than 
after  years  and  habitudes  have  confirmed  them, 
and  rendered  all  change  impossible,  or  difficult 
and  irksome. 

About  what  other  object,  when  taken  away, 
will  a  man's  memory  linger  so  long  and  tena- 
ciously, as  the  image  of  the  wife  of  his  youth  ? 
Of  her  who  first  drew  into  one  mighty  and 
exquisite  feeling  all  the  sympathies  of  his  heart  ? 
Of  her  with  whom  he  passed  the  delicious  sea- 
son of  virtuous  courtship  ?  Of  Aer  who  inspired 
him  with  all  the  liveliness  and  enjoyment  of 
hope  ?  Of  her  who  first  made  him  sensible  of 
the  endearments  of  domestic  bliss  ?  Of  her 
who  first,  by  the  cry  and  the  image  of  innocent 
helplessness,  told  him  the  tenderness  of  the 
parental  relation  ?  Of  her  on  whose  knee  his 
child  first  clasped  his  little  hands  to  pray  ?  Of 
her  whose  leaning  so  often  pressed  his  arm,  in 


118  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

his  way  to  the  house  of  God,  in  the  walks  of 
rural  excursion,  and  the  journey  of  life? 

And  canst  thou,  O  man,  overlook  all  this 
while  she  is  living  ?  What  if  the  charm  that 
lighted  up  the  blaze  of  attachment  be  now 
fading  ?  The  rose  could  not  always  bloom  : 
but  surely  the  fragrance  remains.  What  if 
infirmities  more  suddenly  or  slowly  begin  to 
appear  :  now  is  the  time  for  evincing  and  dis- 
playing a  more  grateful  and  unselfish  affection. 
Is  the  worth  of  years  to  be  forgotten  ?  Has 
she  not  been  always  thy  ministering  spirit  ? 
Has  not  thy  happiness  been  dearer  to  her  than 
her  own  ?  In  all  thy  afflictions,  has  she  not 
been  afflicted  ?  Perhaps  in  giving  life,  or 
watching  over  the  pain  and  malady  of  thy 
offspring,  she  has  impaired  her  frame,  and 
health  is  only  now  a  living  sacrifice.  Go  and 
make  God  thine  example  :  '  I  remember  Thee, 
the  kindness  of  thy  youth,  the  love  of  thine 
espousals,  when  thou  wentest  after  me  in  the 
wilderness,  in  a  land  that  was  not  sown.' 

Secondly,  says  the  prophet,  *  Is  she  not  thy 
companion  T  This,  perhaps,  is  the  most 
lovely  and  becoming  idea  of  the  relation  that 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  119 

can  be  supplied.  She  Is  not,  O  man,  thy  su- 
perior :  she  is  not  thy  slave,  thy  servant,  thy 
dependent.  She  Is  Indeed  a  help-mate  ;  so 
art  thou — but  she  Is  thy  companion.' 

Yet,  as  a  companion,  she  Is  very  distin- 
guishable from  every  other.  A  brother  or 
sister  Is  a  companion  ;  but  they  are  so  Invol- 
untarily— she  Is  thy  companion  by  choice. 
Many  are  companions  for  a  while  ;  but  they 
are  separable  from  us,  and  our  Intercourse  may 
be  reduced  to  correspondence — she  Is  thy 
companion  for  life.  Let  other  companions  be 
ever  so  Intimate,  they  have  yet  their  separate 
allotments — she  Is  thy  companion,  so  as  to 
have  no  Interests  of  her  own,  but  Is  an  equal 
sharer  In  all  the  cares  and  comforts  of  thine. 

It  will  be  confessed,  that  there  are  some 
differences  between  the  male  and  the  female 
character,  produced  by  nature,  and  enlarged 
by  education.  But  the  very  differences  ren- 
der them  the  more  mutually  eligible  as  com- 
panions. The  defective  qualities  of  each  are 
provided  for  in  the  attributes  of  the  other. 
Both  excel ;  but  they  excel  in  their  own  way. 
He  is  more  characterized  by  thought ;  she,  by 


120  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

sympathy  :  but  these  properties  demand  and 
aid  each  other.  The  eagerness,  the  sensitive- 
ness, the  dehcacy,  the  genius,  of  the  female, 
would  unnerve  the  man  :  and  the  courage, 
the  inflexibility,  the  severeness  of  the  man, 
would  unsex  the  female.  Nothing  can  be  more 
absurd  than  to  oppose  their  respective  claims ; 
nothing  more  injurious  than  to  separate  them. 
Let  their  peculiar  properties  and  places  be 
retained,  and  all  will  be  found  adaptation  and 
order.  Let  them  be  associated,  and  all  will 
be  found  harmony  and  completeness. 

But  how  is  it  to  be  lamented  when  their 
companionship  is  not  carried  into  the  widest, 
noblest,  and  most  important  region  of  its  exer- 
cise— I  mean  religion  !  How  unmeet  is  it, 
while  one  goes  into  the  presence  of  God  by 
devotion,  for  the  other  to  stand  without,  till 
this  transaction  be  over  !  How  forceless  the 
petition  singly  signed,  while  the  voice  of  love 
and  union  cries,  '  If  two  of  you  shall  agree  on 
earth,  as  touching  any  thing  they  may  ask,  it 
shall  be  done  of  my  heavenly  Father  !'  How 
strange  and  unsightly  must  it  be  for  one  of 
these  associates  to  be  walking  the  way  ever- 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  121 

lasting,  while  the  other  is  going  the  road  to 
death  I  How  hurtful  and  fatal  to  divide  and. 
separate,  where,  weak  and  opposed  alone,  they 
need  every  mutual  encouragement  and  assist- 
ance I  How  appalling  to  reflect,  that  the  most 
endearing  alliance  must  be  broken  up  forever 
at  the  termination  of  a  hfe  equally  short  and 
uncertain ! 

Husbands  and  wives  !  never  forget  that  you 
are  moral  and  accountable  beings  ;  and  that 
the  present  life  is  only  the  threshold  of  exist- 
ence. Be  companions  in  faith  and  godliness. 
Walk  together  as  h^rs  of  the  grace  of  life. 
Take  sweet  counsel  together,  and  go  to  the 
house  of  God  in  company.  Allure  each  other 
over  the  land  of  revelation  in  the  length  and 
breadth  thereof.  Mutually  survey  its  prospects, 
admire  its  beauties,  and  gather  of  its  flowers 
and  fruits.  Encourage  one  another  with  these 
words  ;  and  let  your  hearts  be  comforted  and 
knit  together  in  love  unto  all  riches  of  the  full 
assurance  of  understanding  to  the  acknowledg- 
ment of  the  mystery  of  God,  and  of  the  Fa- 
ther, and  of  Christ,  in  whom,  are  hid  all  the 
treasures  of  wisdoni  and  knowledge.  Then 
11 


122  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

your  children  will  not  be  perplexed  by  contrary 
counsels  and  examples.  Then  you  will  be 
lovely  in  life,  and  in  death  not  divided.  Then 
your  separation  will  be  only  temporary ;  a 
time  of  re-union  will  come  ;  and  the  intercourse 
of  pure  and  perfected  friendship  will  be  re- 
newed forever. 

Thirdly  :  '  She  is  the  wife  of  thy  covenant.'' 
Covenant  here  means  the  marriage  contract ; 
and  by  the  mention  of  this,  the  husband  is 
called  upon  to  remember  that  the  vows  of  God 
are  upon  him.  A  truly  virtuous  man  will  feel 
love  more  binding  than  law  ;  yet  considering 
human  frailty,  and  the  interests  of  society,  it  is 
well  to  be  bound  by  duty  as  well  as  affection : 
and  be  constrained,  if  we  act  wrong,  not  only 
to  violate  principle,  but  obligation.  The  forms 
and  rites  of  the  connubial  engagement  may 
vary  in  different  ages  and  countries  ;  but  some 
sanction  has  been  always  required.  If  the 
contract  be  not  directly  a  religious  transaction, 
it  has  generally  been  accompanied  and  enforced 
by  religious  sanctions.  And  surely  such  a 
connexion  can  never  be  rendered  too  solemn 
and  too  sacred.     It  is  the  most  awful  and  in- 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  123 

teresting  compact  into  which  it  is  possible  to 
enter.  Yet  there  are  men  who  can  trifle  with 
a  stipulation  so  momentous  ;  and  seem  to  forget 
all  the  responsibilities  it  entails  :  requiring  per- 
haps at  the  same  time  exact  fidelity  on  the 
other  side — as  if,  in  a  covenant,  both  the  par- 
ties were  not  equally  bound.  Did  these  men, 
beforehand,  tell  the  persons  they  are  endeav- 
ouring to  espouse,  how  they' designed  to  treat 
them  ;  or  did  they  refuse  to  pledge  themselves 
to  any  kind  of  agreeable  and  good  behaviour 
towards  them  ;  they  would  act  an  open  part 
at  least ;  and  their  wives,  though  chargeable 
with  folly  in  venturing  to  advance,  would  yet 
have  no  deceitfulness  to  complain  of.  But 
when  a  man  has  voluntarily  promised  and 
bound  himself  by  oath,  he  is  no  longer  at  lib- 
erty to  behave  otherwise  than  his  engagement 
prescribes,  without  falsehood,  perfidy,  perjury, 
and  disgrace. 

He  that  does  not  verify  the  engagement^ 
not  only  implied  but  expressed,  upon  which 
alone  the  heart  was  surrendered  to  him,  is  no 
better  than  a  seducer.  He  falsely  wins  confi- 
dence, basely  to  betray  it ;  and  proclaims  hira- 


124  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

self  not  only  to  be  destitute  of  the  principles 
of  a  Christian,  but  the  honour  of  a  man  :  and 
for  want  of  common  honesty,  he  ought  to  be 
shunned  by  all  reputable  society.  Herod, 
though  he  was  grieved  at  his  promise,  yet 
would  not  refuse  to  ratify  it,  for  his  oath's  sake. 
Jephthah,  though  he  had  to  sacrifice  his  own 
daughter,  yet,  said  he,  '  I  have  opened  my 
mouth  unto  the  Lord,  and  I  cannot  go  back.' 
'  A  good  man  svveareth  to  his  own  hurt,  and 
changeth  not.'  And  we  know  who  has  said, 
'  When  thou  vowest  a  vow  unto  God,  defer 
not  to  pay  it ;  for  he  hath  no  pleasure  in  fools. 
Pay  that  which  thou  hast  vowed.  Better  is 
it  that  thou  shouldst  not  vow,  than  that  thou 
shouldst  vow  and  not  pay.  Sufi'er  not  thy 
mouth  to  cause  thy  flesh  to  sin  ;  neither  say 
thou  before  the  angel,  that  it  was  an  error : 
wherefore  should  God  be  angry  at  thy  voice, 
and  destroy  the  work  of  thy  hands  ?'  There- 
fore let  us  consider 

III.  The  condemnation  of  the  trans- 
gressor. Here  we  have  both  the  sentence 
and  the  evidence  upon  which  it  is  adjudged. 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  125 

The  first  Is  thus  expressed :  ^  Insomuch  that 
he  regardeth  not  the  offering  any  more,  or  re- 
ceiveth  it  with  with  good-will  at  your  hand.' 
And  is  this  a  hght  thing  ?  God  is  the  supreme 
good.  In  His  favour  is  hfe.  It  is  the  most 
delightful  consciousness  in  the  world  to  know 
that  we  are  accepted  of  him ;  and  to  have  the 
testimony  that  we  please  God.  But  all  here 
is  aversion,  rejection,  contempt.  '  I  will  have 
no  communion  with  you.  I  hate  not  only  your 
sins,  but  your  services.' 

It  would  seem  surprising,  indeed,  that  those 
who  live  in  disobedience  to  his  commands, 
should  yet  be  found  attending  the  worship  of 
God  at  all :  for  there  is  much  in  the  Dutch 
proverb,  '  Praying  will  make  a  man  leave  off 
sinning,  or  sinning  will  make  a  man  leave  off 
praying.'  But  the  heart  is  deceitful  above  all 
things,  as  well  as  desperately  wicked :  and 
the  inconsistencies  it  is  continually  putting 
forth,  are  as  wonderful  as  in  things  in  the 
course  of  nature  or  order  of  providence.  There 
are  those  who  will  observe  the  form  of  godli- 
ness, and  deny  the  power  of  it.  There  are 
those  who  will  support  the  cause  of  Christ  and 


126  THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

defraud  their  tradesmen  :  who  will  regard  the 
positive  ordinances  of  religion  ;  and  neglect  its 
moral  requisitions  :  who  will  value  the  ritual 
part  of  devotion,  and  violate  the  practical^ 
How  many  are  godly  on  the  Sabbath,  and 
worldly  all  the  week  !  Who  appear  saints  in 
the  house  of  God,  and  are  demons  in  their 
own  !  Are  there  not  some  who  even  maintain 
morning  and  evening  service  in  their  families, 
and  yet  cover  the  altar  of  the  Lord  with  tears^ 
and  with  weeping,  and  crying  out  ? 

But  let  such  know  that  omission  is  prefer- 
able to  perversion.  And  let  them  'go  and 
learn  what  that  meaneth,  I  will  have  mercy 
and  not  sacrifice.'  'God  heareth  not  sinners  ; 
but  if  any  man  be  a  worshipper  of  God,  and 
doeth  his  will,  him  he  heareth.'  '  He  that 
stoppeth  his  ears  at  the  cry  of  the  poor,  he 
also  shall  cry  himself,  and  shall  not  be  heard.' 
Hence  the  God  of  Israel  saith,  '  He  that  kiileth 
an  ox,  is  as  if  he  slew  a  man  :  he  that  sacri- 
ficeth  a  lamb,  as  if  he  cut  off  a  dog's  neck : 
he  that  ofFereth  an  oblation,  as  if  he  offered 
swine's  blood  :  he  that  burneth  incense,  as  if 
he  blessed  an  idoL'     Wherefore  ?     Were  not 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  127 

these  observances  of  His  own  appointment  ? 
They  were.  Bat  He  loathed  them  when  they 
became  substitutes  for  moral  principle,  or  con- 
nected with  practices  which  he  had  condemned. 
Therefore,  says  he,  ^  Wash  ye,  make  you 
clean,  put  away  the  evil  of  your  doings  from 
before  mine  eyes.  Seek  justice  ;  relieve  the 
oppressed  ;  judge  the  fatherless  ;  plead  for  the 
widow.  Come  now  "and  let  us  reason  togeth- 
er, saith  the  Lord  :  though  your  sins  be  as 
scarlet,  they  shall  be  w^hite  as  snow  ;  though 
they  be  red  like  crimson,  they  shall  be  as  wool.' 
Is  this  a  light  thing  ?  More  is  implied  than 
is  expressed.  There  is  no  medium  between 
non-acceptance  with  God,  and  condemnation. 
If  we  are  not  in  his  favour,  we  are  under  his 
wrath.  And  w^ho  can  stand  before  Him  when 
once  He  is  angry  ?  The  grand  question  is, 
In  what  relation  are  we  found  to  Him  ?  Is 
He  our  friend  or  our  foe  ?  If  our  foe,  he  can 
arm  all  creatures  against  us  :  he  can  operate 
immediately  upon  our  mind :  he  can  pursue 
ns  beyond  the  grave,  which  screens  us  from 
all  other  enemies  ;  and,  after  he  hath  killed, 
can  cast  into  hell.      He  that  judgeth  us  is 


128  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

the  Lord.  And  if  He  be  for  us,  who  can  be 
against  us  ?  He  can  make  all  things  work  to- 
gether for  our  good.  They  whom  he  blesses 
are  blessed  :  and  they  whom  he  curses  are 
cursed  :    and  none  can  reverse  it. 

And  is  this  a  light  thing  ?  Wisdom  cries, 
Hide  not  thy  face  from  me  :  put  not  thy  ser- 
vant away  in  anger.  There  be  many  that  say. 
Who  will  show  us  any  good  ?  Lord,  lift  thou 
up  the  light  of  thy  countenance  upon  me. 
And,  to  heal  this  broken  heart ;  to  soothe 
every  sorrow  ;  to  sweeten  every  comfort ;  to 
raise  me  above  the  fear  of  every  evil ;  say 
unto  my  soul,  I  am  thy  salvation. 

But,  secondly,  who  are  these  ?  In  order  to 
punish  legally,  there  must  be  not  only  guilt, 
but  conviction  ;  and  there  is  no  conviction 
without  evidence,  without  witness.  Who  is 
the  witness  here  ?  God  himself  '  The  Lord 
hath  been  witness  between  thee  and  the  wife 
of  thy  youth,  against  whom  thou  hast  dealt 
treacherously,  though  she  is  thy  companion 
and  the  wife  of  thy  covenant.'  This  indeed 
is  a  case  in  which  human  witness  is  not,  and 
cannot  be  always  attainable.    A  few  transgress 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  129 

sors  may  be  careless  of  observation,  and,  in 
their  shame,  seek  no  disguise  :  but  in  general, 
the  offender  courts  secrecy.  He  knows  his 
reputation  is  at  stake  ;  and  that  nothing  lowers 
a  man  more  in  common  estimation  than  im- 
proper temper  and  conduct  towards  the  most 
claimful  of  all  relations.  He  therefore  tries  as 
much  as  possible  to  cloak  it.  Before  others, 
he  is  often  full  of  pretensions.  He  uses,  per- 
haps, the  most  endearing  expressions  ;  and 
while  the  sufferer  is  conscious  of  the  falseness 
of  all  this  display,  he  passes  for  a  respectable, 
perhaps  a  fond  husband.  But  not  with  Him 
whose  eyes  are  in  every  place,  beholding  the 
evil  and  the  good.  He  sets  his  secret  sins  in 
the  light  of  his  countenance. 

It  would  be  well  for  us  always  to  remember 
that  God  sees  us  ;  and  the  less  we  are  under 
the  cognizance  of  others,  the  more,  in  a  weCy 
of  motive  and  influence,  we  need  to  realize 
the  inspection  of  our  witness  in  heaven  and 
our  record  on  high.  In  the  world  and  in  the 
church  we  are  more  upon  our  guard,  because 
there  are  many  to  observe  us  ;  but  in  our 
dwellings  we  give  ourselves  more  latitudes, 
12 


130  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE, 

But  God  is  there  ;  and  therefore  we  should 
walk  within  our  house  with  a  perfect  heart, 
and  set  no  wicked  thing  before  our  eyes,  and 
hate  the  work  of  them  that  turn  aside.  He 
knoweth  our  down-sitting,  and  our  up-rising. 
He  compasseth  about  our  path  ;  and  is  ac- 
quainted with  all  our  ways.  He  is  a  witness 
between  us  and  our  servants  ;  a  witness  be- 
tween us  and  our  children  ;  a  witness  between 
us  and  our  wives  ;  a  constant  witness  ;  an 
unerring  witness  ;  a  witness  v/ho  is  at  the  same 
time  the  lawgiver  whose  orders  we  contemn  ; 
and  the  judge  who  will  bring  every  work  into 
judgment,  with  every  secret  thing,  whether  it 
be  good  or  whether  it  be  evil. 

What  mysteries  of  iniquity  will  that  day 
make  manifest !  How  many  tyrants  have 
despatched  their  victims  in  dungeons,  or  by 
assassins  whose  employers  were  never  known  I 
How  many  seducers  have  entangled  and  ruined 
the  innocent  and  unwary,  the  discovery  of 
whom  was  suppressed  by  power  or  bribery  ! 
How  many  husbands  have  destroyed  the  peace, 
the  comfort,  the  health,  the  life  of  those  who 
ought  to  have  been  dear  to  them  as  their  own 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  131 

souls,  uncensuredj  and  even  unsuspected  !  But 
the  Lord  comes,  who  will  bring  to  light  the 
hidden  things  of  darkness,  and  make  manifest 
the  counsels  of  the  heart.  Yet  in  wrath  he 
remembers  mercy  ;  and  before  he  destroys, 
he  warns  and  admonishes.     Hence, 

IV.  The  means  of  prevention.  'There- 
fore tdke  heed  to  your  spirit^  and  let  none  deal 
treacherously  against  the  wife  of  his  youth.' 

Here  we  are  led  immediately  to  the  soui'ce 
of  all  evil.  '  Take  heed  to  your  spirit. ''  There 
all  begins  :  and  there  is  no  sanctifying  the  life 
without  an  attention  to  the  heart.  Therefore 
says  Solomon,  ^  Keep  thy  heart  with  all  dili- 
gence, for  out  of  it  are  the  issues  of  life.'  Heal 
the  spring,  and  the  streams  will  be  wholesome. 
Make  the  tree  good,  and  the  fruit  will  be  good. 
Renew  the  heart,  and  upon  the  tongue  is  the 
law  of  kindness.  Replenish  the  heart,  and 
out  of  the  abundance  of  the  heart  the  mouth 
speaketh.  'A  good  man  out  of  the  good 
treasure  of  his  heart  bringeth  forth  good  things  ; 
and  an  evil  man  out  of  the  evil  treasure,  bring- 
eth forth  evil  things.' 


132  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

But  the  meaning  is,  not  only  that  we  should 
attend  to  our  principles  if  we  would  regulate 
our  practice,  but  that  we  should  never  over- 
look or  neglect  the  very  first  risings  of  evil. 
Evil  is  spreading  like  leaven,  and  a  little  leaven 
leaveneth  the  whole  lump.  It  may  be  too 
late  to  assail  the  enemy  when  he  has  advanced 
and  gathered  force  from  success.  Attack  him 
at  the  outset,  while  yet  his  strength  is  small ; 
and  no  strong-hold  is  taken  ;  and  no  pass  is 
even  seized.  When  lust  hath  conceived,  it 
bringeth  forth  sin  ;  and  sin,  when  it  is  finished, 
bringeth  forth  death.  Crush,  therefore,  the 
cocatrice  in  the  egg,  lest  it  break  forth,  and 
become  a  fiery  flying  serpent. 

Ao-ain.  Ml  are  concerned  in  this  caution  ; 
and  '  let  none  deal  treacherously  against  the 
wife  of  his  youth.' 

Are  Levites  excepted?  They  are  chiefly 
the  persons  here  complained  of.  Their  lips 
are  indeed  to  keep  knowledge  ;  but  they  are 
to  do,  as  well  as  to  teach.  They  are  to  be 
examples,  to  illustrate  and  recommend  their 
own  doctrine.  The  snuffers  in  the  tabernacle 
were  to  be  made  of  pure  gold.     They  who 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  133 

reprove  others  are  to  be  blameless  themselves. 
Their  exhortations,  dishonoured  by  their  own 
temper  and  practice,  will  not  only  be  unavail- 
ing, but  repulsive  ;  and  all  the  convictions  they 
would  fix  in  the  conscience,  wull  drop  like  ar- 
rows from  an  impenetrable  shield.  '  Behold, 
thou  know^est  his  will,  and  approvest  the  things 
that  are  more  excellent,  being  instructed  out 
of  the  law  ;  and  art  confident  that  thou  thyself 
art  a  guide  of  the  blind,  a  light  of  them  which 
are  in  darkness,  an  instructer  of  the  foolish, 
a  teacher  of  babes,  which  hast  the  form  of 
knowledge  and  of  the  truth  in  the  law.  Thou, 
therefore,  which  teachest  another,  teachest 
thou  not  thyself?  Thou  that  preachest  a  man 
should  not  steal,  dost  thou  steal  ?  Thou  that 
sayest  a  man  should  not  commit  adultery,  dost 
thou  commit  adultery  ?  Thou  that  abhorrest 
idols,  dost  thou  commit  sacrilege  ?  Thou  that 
makest  thy  boast  of  the  law,  through  breaking 
the  law  dishonourest  thou  God  ?'  Who  revolts 
not  at  receiving  his  food  from  a  leprous  hand  ? 
If  the  bad  husband  disgraces  the  good  preach- 
er, men  will  abhor  the  offering  of  the  Lord. 
Are  the  upper  ranks  above  this  injunction  ? 


134  THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

It  might  be  supposed  that  they  had  this  imag- 
ination, from  their  conduct  in  too  many  instan- 
ces. But  the  higher  the  individual,  the  more 
is  he  bound  to  regard  it.  He  is  by  his  station 
the  more  observable  and  influential ;  and  the 
more  injurious  will  his  life  prove,  if  it  be  vi- 
cious. Evil  is  a  stream  ;  and,  like  every  other 
stream,  it  does  not  ascend  but  runs  downward. 
Or,  to  borrow  another  image,  a  private  person 
is  like  a  pocket  watch,  that  only  misinforms 
the  wearer  :  a  public  character  is  like  a  town 
clock,  that  leads  astray  the  whole  parish. 

Yet  no  man  is  entirely  unobserved  and  un- 
influential,  especially  when  placed  at  tlie  head 
of  a  family.  Therefore  let  the  low  as  well  as 
the  high  remember  the  advice.  Indeed,  the 
less  of  outward  prosperity  persons  have,  the 
more  necessary  is  it  to  guard  against  those 
tempers  and  practices  that  will  embitter  their 
trials  ;  and  to  seek  solace,  under  their  priva- 
tions, in  the  grace  of  the  gospel,  the  consola- 
tions of  rehgion,  and  the  comforts  of  domestic 
peace  and  love.  And  execrated  be  the  senti- 
ment, that  love  and  poverty  are  incompatible. 
There  may  be  more  of  contentment,  though 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  135 

less  of  mirth  ;  more  of  the  reahty,  though  less 
of  the  show  of  happiness,  in  the  cottage  than 
in  the  mansion.  Where  the  Lord  is  sought, 
he  blesses  their  bread  and  their  water.  When 
in  the  simplicity  of  faith  the  scriptures  are  read 
with  prayer,  and  praise,  these  are  found  to  be 
better  than  thousands  of  gold  and  silver. 

Is  this  idle  talk  ?  Here  is  the  lansuao^e  of 
mspiration  :  '  Better  is  a  dinner  of  herbs  where 
love  is,  than  a  stalled  ox,  and  hatred  therewith. 
Better  is  a  little  with  quietness,  than  a  house 
full  of  sacrifices  with  strife.'  *  A  little  that  a 
righteous  man  hath,  is  better  than  the  riches 
of  many  wicked.'  What  heart-cold  wretched- 
ness is  often  found  connected  with  splendor, 
abundance,  and  excess  :  '  The  blessing  of  the 
Lord  it  maketh  rich,  and  he  addeth  no  sorrow 
with  it.' 

Let  the  advancing  in  life  guard  against  the 
loss  of  their  first  regards.  The  effervescence 
of  the  passion  may  subside,  but  let  the  spirit 
of  the  principle  be  preserved  ;  and,  like  gen- 
erous wines,  it  will  refine  and  improve  by 
keeping. 

And  let  not  the  young  be  careless.     The 


136  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

newly-married  pair,  happy  in  the  possession  of 
crowned  desires,  may  think  themselves  in  no 
danger  of  abated  regard  :  but  we  have  seen 
goodness,  even  in  wedded  life,  like  the  morn- 
ing cloud  and  early  dew  that  passeth  away. 
Therefore  take  heed  to  your  spirit.  Watch, 
not  only  against  the  grosser  evils,  but  minor 
delinquencies.  Guard  against  the  first  symp- 
tom of  declension.  One  thing  prepares  for, 
brings  in,  justifies, another  ;  and,  when  going 
astray,  the  smallness  of  each  movement  may 
keep  us  unal armed,  till  we  look  back,  and  are 
shocked  at  the  distance  we  have  reached.  Let 
your  wife  have  no  reason  for  the  most  distant 
apprehension.  Let  no  sigh  flit  across  her 
mind.  Be  not  satisfied  to  keep  within  the 
bare  precincts  of  duty ;  but  care  for  the  things 
of  the  wife,  how  you  may  please  the  wife. 
Be  open,  be  candid,  be  tender,  be  attentive, 
be  exemplary.  In  the  connexion  before  us, 
inattention  leads  to  indifference  ;  and  indiffer- 
ence to  dislike  ;  and  dislike  to  disgust.  If 
love  be  withdrawn,  wedded  life  is  confinement, 
misery,  hell.  Let  love  abound,  and  no  ennui 
is  known  ;  no  restraint  is  felt ;  no  task  is  per- 


THE   WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  137 

formed.  The  yoke  is  easy ;  the  burden  is 
light.  Duty  is  privilege ;  and  to  oblige,  is 
more  delightful  than  to  be  obliged.  But  re- 
member, rehgion  is  the  best  promoter  and  pre- 
server of  this  love  ;  and  therefore  let  domestic 
morality  be  founded  in  Christian  piety. 

'  But  why  have  you  chosen  such  a  passage 
as  this  ?'  Go  and  ask  Malachi,  why  he  in- 
serted it  in  his  short  series  of  prophesyings  ? 
Go  and  ask  Paid,  whether  '  all  scripture  is  not 
given  by  inspiration  of  God,  and  is  profitable 
for  doctrine,  for  reproof,  for  correction,  and  for 
instruction  in  righteousness  ?'  Does  not  the 
unspeakable  importance  of  the  subject  justify 
the  selection  ?  Does  not  the  character  of  the 
day  in  which  we  live,  render  such  a  discourse 
needful  ? 

But  I  have  availed  myself  of  a  particular 
event  to  bring  forward  •  these  thoughts  this 
morning.     It  is  the  union  of with . 

He  will  have  too  much  good  sense  to  take 
improperly  the  drift  of  the  subject ;  or  to  sup- 
pose that  caution  and  admonition  necessarily 
imply  censure  or  suspicion.  No,  my  young 
friend  ;   I  am  fully  persuaded  better  things  of 


138  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

you,  though  I  thus  speak ;  and  beheve  that 
you  will  regard  her,  whose  heart  has  safely 
trusted  in  you  as  your  companion,  the  wife  of 
your  youth  and  of  your  covenant ;  and  con- 
tinue to  love  and  td  cherish  till  the  parting 
hour.  I  hail  you  on  the  completion  of  your 
wishes  :  '  He  that  findeth  a  wife,  findeth  a 
good  thing,  and  obtains  favour  of  the  Lord.' 
I  would  not  interrupt  the  joy  of  your  espousals  ; 
but  surely  it  cannot  be  unreasonable  to  say  to 
the  favoured  sons  of  men,  ^  Rejoice  with  trem- 
bling.' The  connexion  you  have  formed  is 
frail.  It  has  its  duties  as  well  as  its  delights. 
It  has  also  its  cares  as  well  as  its  comforts. 
Look  not  for  a  state  of  unalloyed  happiness. 
Expect  not  to  find  the  perfection  in  another, 
which  you  know  another  will  never  find  in  you. 
I  commend  you  to  God  and  to  the  word  of  his 
grace  :  and  may  He  whom  you  have  honoured 
in  believing  his  truth,  that  '  it  is  not  good  for 
man  to  be  alone,'  look  down  from  heaven,  and 
say,  '  From  this  day  will  I  bless  you.' 

But  I  turn  to  you,  my  female  friends,  and 
as  far  as  I  know  my  own  convictions  and  feel- 
ings, I  am  your  friend  ;   you  will  therefore 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  139 

allow  me  to  address  you  freely,  especially 
since  I  have  delivered  myself  unsparingly  to 
those  of  my  own  sex. 

First,  let  me  address  those  who  are  yet  un- 
connected. It  is  not  improper  for  you  to  think 
of  a  condition  which  Nature  has  ordained  us 
for  ;  and  which  the  scripture  pronounces  hon- 
ourable in  all.  Nor  should  you  revolt  from 
the  state  because  there  are  husbands  who 
'  cover  the  altar  of  God  with  tears.'  All  men 
are  not  liars.  Nor  should  difficulties  discourage 
you.  These  are  found  in  every  condition  : 
and  we  are  persuaded  that  the  state,  if  properly 
entered,  is  the  most  happy  in  this  vale  of  tears. 
How  much  of  the  relish  of  our  coniforts  is  lost 
in  unsocial  enjoyment !  How  much  do  we 
need  a  friend,  another  self,  to  alleviate  by 
sharing  the  cares  and  griefs  of  life  !  How 
many  moments  of  languor,  oppressiveness,  and 
despondency  are  there,  in  which  the  heart 
beats  for  attention,  sympathy,  and  kindness  ! 
How  helpless  is  a  solitary  female  !  how  many 
real  dangers  surround  her ;  and  how  are  these 
perils  multiplied  by  solitariness !  A  single 
man  has  a  thousand  engagements  abroad :    a 


140  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

woman,  if  single,  has  little  diversion  from 
thought,  and  broods  over  real  and  imaginary 
evils.  And  how  inferior  is  she  reckoned  to 
the  female  who  sustains  the  character  of  a 
wife,  and  a  parent,  and  is  performing  her  duty 
to  the  world,  and  is  the  source  of  usefulness 
to  the  community  ! 

But  there  is  nothing  reproachful  in  your 
present  condition,  unless  you  choose  to  make 
it  so  by  exemplifying  in  your  temper  and  con- 
duct the  imputations  thrown  on  your  state, 
especially  in  its  advancement.  Show  that  it 
does  not  necessarily  entail  malevolence,  envy, 
scandal,  curiosity,  spleen,  insipid  formality, 
prudery,  secrecy,  a  mystifying  of  trifles.  The 
character  and  lives  of  too  many  of  our  sex  are 
such  as  must  prevent  any  reflection  upon  you 
for  declining  them:  and  your  scorning  to  es- 
pouse worthlessness  for  the  sake  of  any  ad- 
vantage ;  and  your  refusing  every  connexion 
unapproved  by  your  principles  and  conscience, 
as  well  as  affection  ;  will  raise  you  in  the  esti- 
mation of  all  the  wise  and  good. 

Never,  therefore,  settle  it  in  your  minds  that 
you  must  enter  this  state  ;   or  that  marriage  is 


THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE.  141 

essential  to  your  usefulness,  respectability,  and 
happiness.  Refer  it  to  Him  who  has  a  right 
to  dispose  of  us  as  he  pleases  ;  and  who  knows 
what  is  best  for  us.  And  in  the  mean  time 
improve  the  advantages  of  your  present  state. 
You  are  free  from  a  thousand  anxiousnesses 
and  trials,  unfriendly  to  mental  culture  and 
enlarged  devotion.  '  She  that  is  unmarried 
careth  for  the  things  of  the  Lord,  how  she 
may  be  holy  both  in  body  and  spirit.  But 
she  that  is  married,  careth  for  the  things  of 
the  world,  how  she  may  please  her  husband.' 
If  you  have  met  with  disappointment,  let  these 
reflections  prevent  dissatisfaction  ;  and  sober 
your  hopes  ;  and  make  you,  w^hen  you  think 
of  altering  your  circumstances,  to  be  the  more 
prudent,  circumspect  and  prayerful.  Look 
after  good  sense,  good  temper,  domestic  habits, 
and,  above  all,  the  fear  of  God.  And  as,  after 
all  your  caution  and  care,  it  is  possible  for  you 
to  be  imposed  upon,  commit  your  way  unto 
the  Lord,  and  let  integrity  and  uprightness 
preserve  you  while  you  wait  upon  him. 

Secondly,  some  of  you  are  found  among  the 
bereaved.     The  guide  of  your  youth,  and  the 


143  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

companion  of  your  days,  is  removed  from  you  ; 
and  your  heart  within  you  is  often  desolate. 
1  am  not  wishing  to  open  your  wounds  afresh. 
You  are  no  longer  seen  leaning  on  your  be- 
loved :  but  there  is  another  Being  who  now 
stands  in  the  most  interesting  of  all  relations 
to  you.  He  is  the  '  Husband  of  the  widow.' 
Be  not  hasty  to  leave  a  condition  into  wiiich 
his  hand  has  led  you  ;  but  as  a  widow  indeed, 
continue  trusting  in  God  with  all  your  heart ; 
and  hold  communion  with  the  hour  when  you 
shall  re-unite  with  those  who  are  gone  before, 
and  are  now  waiting  to  receive  you  into  ever- 
lasting habitations. 

Thirdly,  some  of  you  are  in  a  state  that  ad- 
mits of  our  congratulations.  You  are  affianced 
to  those  who  are  sensible  of  your  value  ;  wiiose 
inclinations  fall  in  with  their  duty  ;  who  render 
love  for  love,  confidence  for  confidence,  atten- 
tion for  attention. 

But  I  feel  for  others.  The  flattery  which 
once  perhaps  your  ear  was  too  eager  to  drink 
in,  has  ended  in  disappointment  and  sorrow  ; 
and  your  eye  poureth  out  tears  unto  God. 
Perhaps  you  were  too  sanguine  in  your  ex- 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  143 

pectatlons.  Perhaps  you  looked  for  more  in 
the  relation  than  reason  and  scripture  have 
ever  promised  to  afford.  Perhaps  now,  upon 
the  whole,  you  have  but  little  reason  to  com- 
plain.    Every  state  has  its  deductions. 

But  admitting  it  to  be  otherwise,  allow  me 
to  ask,  Has  there  been  no  blame-worthiness 
attached  to  yourselves  ?  Have  you  done  every 
thing  in  your  power  to  render  yourselves  and 
your  religion  approved  ?  You  know  the  preach- 
er does  not  join  in  the  vulgar  and  unjust  re- 
flections cast  upon  your  sex  ;  but  there  are 
temper-flaws  unsightly,  and  there  are  tongue- 
flaws  intolerable.  '  Better  to  dwell  in  a  corner 
of  the  house-top,  than  with  a  brawling  woman 
in  a  wide  house.  A  continual  dropping  in  a 
rainy  day,  and  a  contentious  woman  are  alike.' 
Are  you  slatterns  ?  Do  you  love  disorder  ? 
Are  you  idle,  tattlers,  busy-bodies,  wandering 
from  house  to  house  ?  Are  you  keepers  at 
home  ?  Do  you  render  your  dwelling  attrac- 
tive ?  Do  you  make  it  the  asylum  of  your 
husband  from  the  toils  and  troubles  of  life  ? 
Does  he  find  it  the  scene  of  accommodation, 
and  peace,  and  cheerfulness  ?     When  abroad, 


144  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

is  he  '  stung  with  the  thoughts  of  home  ;'  and 
is  the  most  dehghtful  part  of  his  absence  the 
moment  that  turns  his  face  towards  the  loved 
place  of  his  rest  ? 

We  know  that  you  can — we  have  too  often 
witnessed  it  not  to  know — we  know  that  you 
can  present  religion  in  every  interesting  and 
engaging  form  ;  that  you  can,  not  only  render 
domestic  life  graceful,  but  piously  attractive  ; 
that  you  can  fan  into  a  flame  an  expiring  de- 
votion ;  that  you  can  give  excellence  and  en- 
ergy to  every  good  word  and  work  ;  that  you 
can  teach  and  enforce  with  a  persuasive  ease, 
and  a  tender  mildness,  whose  influence  is  rarely 
without  some  success.  Have  you  employed 
these  efficiencies  in  connexion  with  every  oth- 
er ?  For  let  me  tell  you,  my  sisters,  if  you 
have  not  availed  yourselves  of  your  religious 
means,  and  used  them  with  prayer,  persever- 
ingly,  and  wisely,  and  invitingly,  you  have  as 
yet  no  absolute  cause  to  complain,  if  your 
relative  condition  be  not  such  as  you  would 
have  it. 

After  all,  with  the  exception  of  human  in- 
firmity, we  will  suppose  a  possible  case.    You 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  145 

have  nothing  to  reproach  yourself  with  ;  and 
yet  your  '  house  is  not  so  with  God.'  Even 
here  we  have  a  few  words  of  advice  to  offer. 
Be  not  forward  to  complain  openly,  not  only 
because  noisy  grief  is  seldom  deemed  very 
worthy  of  sympathy  ;  but  also  because,  in  your 
peculiar  case,  it  is  more  likely  to  add  to  the 
evil  than  to  remove  it.  Exposure  not  only 
mortifies,  but  commonly  exasperates,  and  har- 
dens ;  and  the  man,  not  only  feeling  the  loss 
of  self-respect,  but  the  esteem  of  others,  be- 
comes reckless  in  his  conduct.  Beware  of 
retaliation  and  reproach.  Render  not  railing 
for  railing,  but  contrariwise,  blessing.  Ever 
follow  the  example  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  '  who, 
when  he  suffered,  threatened  not,  but  commit- 
ted himself  to  Him  that  judgeth  righteously.' 
Especially  avoid  every  thing  that  is  irritating 
when  the  mind  of  your  husband  is  in  a  feverish 
and  inflamed  state  ;  and  when  a  season  of 
speaking  returns,  remember,  a  soft  answer 
turneth  away  wrath,  while  grievous  words  stir 
up  anger.  Yielding  pacifieth  great  offences. 
And  let  me  not  offend  while  I  hint,  that  it  is 
not  authority  but  influence,  that  belongs  to  your 
13 


146  THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE. 

condition  ;  and  that  your  influence  is  not  de- 
rived from  violence  and  insistings,  but  from 
prepossessings,  amiableness,  a  willingness  to 
waive  even  a  right,  and  a  desire  to  please 
rather  than  to  conquer.  And  says  not  the 
apostle  the  same  ?  '  Likewise,  ye  wives,  be 
in  subjection  to  your  own  husbands  :  that,  if 
any  obey  not  the  word,  they  also  may,  without 
the  word,  be  won  by  the  conversation  of  the 
wives ;  while  they  behold  your  chaste  con- 
versation, coupled  with  fear :  whose  adorning, 
let  it  not  be  that  outward  adorning  of  plaiting 
the  hair,  and  of  wearing  of  gold,  or  of  putting 
on  of  apparel  ;  but  let  it  be  the  hidden  man 
of  the  heart,  in  that  which  is  not  corruptible, 
even  the  ornament  of  the  meek  and  quiet  spirit, 
which  is  in  the -sight  of  God  of  great  price. 
For  after  this  manner  in  the  old  time  the  holy 
women  also,  who  trusted  in  God,  adorned 
themselves,  being  in  subjection  unto  their  own 
husbands  ;  even  as  Sarah  obeyed  Abraham, 
calling  him  lord  :  whose  daughters  ye  are  as 
long  as  ye  do  well,  and  are  not  afraid  with  any 
amazement.' 

Some  men,  it  must  be  acknowledged,  seem 


THE  WIFE'S  ADVOCATE.  147 

Strangers  to  all  refinement  of  feeling ;  and 
cannot  be  overcome  by  even  the  meekness  of 
wisdom.  Yet  if  the  address  of  tenderness  and 
entreaty  be  unhappily  useless,  all  carriage  of 
an  opposite  character  will  be  more  than  useless. 
The  being  upon  whom  gentleness  and  good 
nature  are  lost,  can  never  be  amended  by  ill- 
humour  and  clamour.  A  man  of  sense  will 
often,  for  the  sake  of  propriety  or  peace,  sub- 
mit to  be  talked  down  by  a  wife  talented  in 
this  species  of  oratory  ;  but  a  man  destitute  of 
sense,  will  be  sure  to  retort  such  treatment 
with  double  violence  and  insult.  ^With  the 
well-advised  is  wisdom  :'  while  fools  are  the 
most  unpersuadable  of  all  animals.  But  you 
should  not  marry  fools.  You  may  be  imposed 
upon  with  regard  to  piety :  but  you  cannot  be 
mistaken  with  regard  to  sense. 

But  if,  after  all  your  blamelessness  and 
commendableness,  you  are  in  the  affliction  we 
have  been  endeavouring  to  prevent,  one  source 
of  relief  is  open  :  carry  your  distress  to  the 
mercy-seat ;  and  spreading  it  before  the  God 
of  all  comfort,  say,  '  Lord,  all  my  desire  is  be- 
fore Thee,  and  my  groaning  is  not  hid  from 


148  THE  WIFE'S   ADVOCATE. 

Thee.'  While  he  permits  your  sufferings,  he 
loves  you  ;  he  pities  you  ;  he  is  on  your  side. 
He  is  able  to  turn  the  curse  into  a  blessing. 
'  We  know  that  all  things  work  together  for 
good  to  them  that  love  God.'  We  have  seen 
wives  who  have  been  chosen  in  the  furnace  of 
affliction.  They  have  had  this  valley  of  Achor 
given  them  for  a  door  of  hope.  Their  pur- 
poses being  broken  off,  even  the  thoughts  of 
their  heart ;  and  their  prospects  on  hfe's  fairest 
side  being  clouded  and  gloomy  ;  they  have 
looked  out  after  '  a  better  country.'  They 
have  asked,  '  Where  is  God  my  Maker,  that 
giveth  songs  in  the  night  ?'  They  have  said, 
^  And  now.  Lord,  what  wait  I  for  ?  My  hope 
is  in  Thee,' 


A   CHARGE 


:iNTENO£D    TO    HAV£    BEEN    ADDRESSED 


THE   WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER, 


X)RDINATION  OF  HER  HUSBAND, 


'Our  conditions  are  the  best  preceptors  of  our  duties.' —  Burte. 
'  Give  her  of  the  fruit  of  her  hand  ;  and  let  her  own  works  praise  her 
in  the  gates.'— /Slo^omon.  ^ 


PREFACE. 


Mj    READER, 

You  need  not  inquire  after  the  time,  tlie  place,  the  intended 
receiver  of  this  address,  or  the  circumstances  that  prevented  the 
delivery  of  it.  Suffice  it  to  observe,  that  the  title  is  founded  in 
truth.  The  case  was  this.  At  our  ordinations,  after  the  confes- 
sion of  faith,  and  prayer  for  the  Divine  influence  and  blessing  to 
attend  the  union  that  has  been  publicly  recognised  between  the 
pastor  and  the  church,  it  has  been  always  customary  to  address 
to  each  of  the  parties  a  Charge,  containing  suitable  instructions, 
cautions,  admonitions,  and  encouragements,  with  regard  to  their 
respective  duties.  Nothing  can  be  more  scriptural  or  proper  than 
such  an  usage  :  and  nothing  will  be  found  more  interesting  and 
edifying,  when  it  is  not  eked  out  in  dull  formality,  and  prolonged 
reiterations  of  sameness ;  but  is  performed  in  the  spirit  and  unc- 
tion of  the  ser'v'ice. 

But  the  writer  had  often  thought,  that  if  on  these  occasions  a 
Charge  could  be  likewise  addressed  to  another  persouage,  it  would 
be,  if  not  equally  necessary,  yet  truly  important.  The  wife  of 
the  preacher  is  indeed,  as  his  nearest  relation,  interested  in  all 
that  is  said  to  him .-  and,  as  a  fellow-member  with  his  people,  she 
is  also  concerned  in  all  that  is  spoken  to  them.  Yet  it  is  easy  to 
perceive  that  there  is,  with  regard  to  her,  an  individuality  of 
character,  and  a  peculiarity  of  condition,  requiring  and  justify- 
ing something  more  than  general  and  indiscriminate  address. 
And  the  writer  has  always  been  persuaded,  that  one  of  the  failures 
in  ministerial  labour  has  been  owing  to  the  neglect  of  detail  and 
specification,  in  the  enforcement  of  moral  topics. 

The  wife  of  a  minister  is  in  a  situation  distinguished,  observa- 
ble, and  influential.  How  much  depends  upon  her  principles, 
temper,  taste,  and  behaviour !  How  various,  delicate,  and  arduous 
are  the  duties  she  has  to  discharge  !  How  much  grace  and  wis- 
dom are  necessary  to  fill  the  circle  of  her  vocation,  usefully  and 
honourably  !  And  yet  the  place  she  is  called  to  preside  in,  cannot 
be  distinctly  and  expressly  prepared  for,  by  any  course  of  previous 
discipline.    Though  the  age  abounds  with  every  kind  of  institu- 


152  PREFACE. 

tion  ;  no  seminary,  as  yet,  has  been  founded  for  training  up 
female  probationers  for  the  Levitical  economy  ;  though  they  are 
supposed  to  be,  either  from  the  love  of  distinction,  or  the  desire  of 
usefulness,  not  a  few.  The  more  needful  is  something  like  the 
ensuing  endeavour.  In  making  it,  the  Author  has  also  the  sanc- 
tion of  the  Apostle's  example.  He  deemed  it  necessary,  not  only 
to  describe  the  attributes  of  approved  Deacons  and  Bishops,  but 
also  of  their  wives:  'Even  so  must  their  wives  be  grave  j  not 
slanderers;  sober;  faithful  in  all  things.' 

Before  the  writer  was  diverted  from  his  purpose,  it  was  not  his 
design  to  have  given  the  Charge  at  the  same  time  with  the  other 
two  addresses;  as  the  service  already  is  wearisomely  long:  but 
the  morning  after  tlie  ordination  ;  and  while  the  impression  of 
the  solemnity  would  be  yet  remaining. 

Nor  would  he  have  delivered  it  in  the  public  assembly ;  for 
where  females  are  concerned,  publicity  is  not  to  be  sought  after; 
but  in  the  pastor's  own  d  well  in  g- 

From  the  singleness  of  the  service,  the  speaker  could  afford  to 
be  longer  in  his  admonition  than  propriety  would  otherwise  have 
allowed. 

From  the  private  nature  of  the  engagement,  he  felt  himself  the 
more  free  from  anxiety  and  restraint. 

From  the  quality  of  the  individual  addressed,  the  mode  of  ad- 
dress itself  was  in  some  measure  influenced.  Females  love  facts 
and  incidents,  rather  tiian  discussions  ;  illustrations,  rather  than 
arguments;  imagery,  ratlier  than  abstractedness;  sententious- 
nesg,  rather  than  diffusion  :  and  though  they  are  capable  of  think- 
ing as  well  as  the  other  sex,  their  thinking  is  more  tempered  by 
feeling  ;  and  they  love  thoughts  when  they  are  sentiments,  rather 
than  notions.  Do  we  mean  to  censure  this  taste  1  It  has  one 
incomparable  recommendation  —  it  is  the  manner  in  which  the 
scriptures  are  written  ;  and  where  God  has  abounded  towards  us 
in  all  wisdom  and  prudence. 

Imagine  then  a  preacher  of  some  age,  observation,  and  experi- 
ence, and  in  the  subject  before  him,  of  no  little  happy  experience  ; 
imagine  such  a  man  rising  and  addressing  his  interesting  auditress, 
while  her  husband,  and  the  wives  of  several  neighbouring  minis- 
ters are  present,  in  the  form  and  manner  following. 
Bath,  December  \,  1829. 


ADDRESS 

TO   THE   WIFE  OF  A   MINISTER. 


Proverbs  xix.  14. 
A  prudent  icife  is  from  the  Lord. 

My  esteemed  friend  and  sister: — As 

this  peculiar  service  did  not  arise  in  the  preacher 
from  affectation,  or  a  wish  to  excite  notice  and 
remark,  so  he  is  persuaded  your  ready  com- 
pliance with  the  proposal  of  it,  has  been  only 
the  result  of  a  concern  how  to  please  the  Lord, 
whose  providence  has  called  you  to  occupy 
the  station  you  are  now  filling.  He  therefore 
most  willingly  engages  in  it,  and  hopes  that 
the  example,  at  least  as  to  its  spirit,  will  be 
hereafter  followed.  Yet  he  feels  solicitude  ; 
and  as  the  effort  is  novel  and  probationary,  he 
is  not  a  little  concerned  for  the  goodness  of 
the  precedent.  He  fears  nothingj  indeed,  from 
14 


154  THE  DUTIES   OF 

mere  human  opinion :  he  never  would  enter 
on  any  rehgious  engagement  unless  he  was  at 
liberty  to  obey  all  the  dictates  of  his  conviction. 
While  therefore,  on  the  one  hand,  he  will  not 
seek  to  give  pain  or  oiFence  ;  on  the  other, 
he  is  bound  to  shun  every  appearance  of  adu- 
lation. How  strange  that  persons  should  ever 
dare  to  pander  to  the  appetite  of  vanity,  in 
holy  exercises,  and  under  the  immediate  eye 
of  God  ;  instead  of  being  raised  into  a  dignified 
independence  of  mind,  by  feeling  the  sentiment 
of  Elihu  :  '  I  know  not  to  give  flattering  titles  : 
in  so  doing,  my  Maker  would  take  me  away.' 

But  as  ignorance  is  not  necessary  to  humil- 
ity, so  neither  is  it  flattery  to  remind  people 
of  their  real  and  relative  importance,  in  order 
to  make  them  sensible  of  their  responsibilities, 
and  anxious  to  discharge  their  obligations. 

We  rejoice  that  your  sex  is  elevated  to  its 
proper  rank  in  the  community.  In  barbarous 
ages,  and  in  all  savage  countries,  it  nev^er  rose 
to  any  of  the  dignities  and  rights  of  social, 
rational,  and  immortal  beings.  Some  philos- 
ophers have  strangely  argued,  whether  men 
have  been  improved  by  the  progress  of  civili- 


THE  .WIFE  OP  A  MINISTER.  155 

nation,  and  advancement  of  the  arts  and  sci- 
ences ;  but  no  one  can  deny  that  women  owe 
much,  for  a  happy  change  in  their  condition, 
to  the  prevalence  of  knowledge  and  polished 
life.  Yet  what  were  the  daughters  of  Greece 
and  Rome,  compared  with  the  daughters  of 
Zion  ?  What  did  even  chivalry  accomplish 
for  the  objects  of  its  enthusiasm,  compared 
with  the  benefits  the  female  race  have  derived 
from  the  doctrine  and  spirit  of  Christianity  ? 
It  is  the  religion  of  Jesus,  that,  far  beyond 
every  human  institution,  has,  for  you,  softened 
the  manners  of  the  multitude,  and  subdued  the 
fierceness  and  tyranny  of  physical  power  and 
dominion.  It  is  this,  that  has  delivered  -you 
from  the  discords  and  wretchedness  of  polyga- 
my and  divorce.  It  is  this,  that,  instead  of 
degrading  you  as  the  slaves,  or  seducers  of  the 
other  sex,  leads  us  to  regard  you  as  our  com- 
panions, our  friends,  our  sisters  ;  the  fellow- 
heirs  of  the  grace  of  life  ;  the  daughters  of  the 
Lord  Almighty.  The  light  that  has  been 
shed  upon  your  true  destination  and  worth, 
will  prevent  their  ever  being  concealed  or  de- 
nied in  future.    It  is  now  too  late  to  controvert 


156  THE  DUTIES  OF 

the  claims  which  are  so  justly  your  due ;  or 
refuse  to  acknowledge  that  you  must  have, 
that  you  ought  to  have,  that  you  are  designed 
to  have,  a  great  influence  in  the  relations  and 
interests  of  society. 

Yet  the  manner  in  which  this  influence  is 
to  be  most  properly  and  advantageously  ex- 
erted and  employed,  is  not  only  a  question  of 
wisdom,  but,  as  far  as  the  mind  of  God  is  made 
known  concerning  it,  a  matter  of  absolute  sub- 
mission. The  ground  of  moral  duty  is  the 
same  with  regard  to  all ;  but  the  exemplifica- 
tion of  the  principle  must  vary  according  to 
the  connexions  and  circumstances  of  individuals. 
And  therefore  I  need  not  say,  that  you  are 
expressly  forbidden  to  occupy  the  office  of 
your  husband,  and  publicly  teach  in  the  church. 
This  prohibition  will  not  surprise  or  offend  any 
one  who  reflects,  that  God  has  a  right  to  order 
all  affairs  in  his  own  house  ;  and  that  none  of 
his  decisions  are  arbitrary.  We  judge  from 
very  limited  views  of  things  ;  and  in  no  case 
can  we  infallibly  determine  what  may  be  best, 
eventually,   and  upon  the   whole.      But  his 


THE  WIFE   OF  A   MINISTER.  157 

understanding  is  infinite  ;    and  his  judgment  is 
always  according  to  truth. 

Regulation  is  not  degradation.  God  himself 
is  the  grand  example  of  order.  He  who  is 
above  all,  submits  to  rule.  He  does,  not  what 
he  would,  but  what  he  ought ;  or,  as  his  word 
expresses  it,  '  what  becomes  him  ;'  what  '  be- 
hoveth  him  ;'  what '  seemeth  good  in  his  sight.' 

Services  uncalled  of  God,  are  unacceptable 
to  him  :  he  may  pardon  them,  but  he  cannot 
reward  them.  The  result  of  maintaining  the 
laws  of  order  and  decorum,  is  more  important 
to  the  welfare  of  society,  than  a  few  instances 
of  usefulness  arising  from  the  violation  of  them  ; 
and  which  are  more  noticed  because  they  stand 
out  to  observation  ;  and  are  commonly  mag- 
nified above  their  real  desert,  in  consequence 
of  their  specious  and  immediate  effect.  There 
is  danger  too,  that  w^hen  persons  have  once 
broken  their  rank,  and  have  enjoyed  the  sweet- 
ness of  notice  and  applause,  they  will  never 
subside  into  entire  regularity  again.  Your 
husband  would  have  run  no  little  risk,  had  he, 
in  the  election  of  a  wife,  made  choice  of  an 
expositor  of  the  scriptures,  whether  in  public, 


158  THE  DUTIES   OF 

or  even  in  the  social  circle.  Some  of  the 
same  disposition  would  probably  have  been 
left  still  working  the  same  way :  as  we  too 
often  see  in  those  individuals  in  our  churches 
who  become  occasional  preachers  ;  they  seldom 
feel  again  as  mere  members  ;  and  are  the  most 
dissatisfied  and  trying  hearers  with  whom  their 
pastors  have  to  deal. 

Limitation  is  not  obstruction.  It  confines 
indeed  ;  but  it  is  the  confinement  of  direction, 
not  of  hindrance.  It  does  not  oppose,  but 
guide.  It  resembles  the  banks  of  a  river, 
which,  not  keeping  the  stream  back,  but  only 
keeping  it  in,  invite  and  aid  along  its  course  ; 
while  the  current  pursues  the  noiseless  tenour 
of  its  way,  even  and  clear,  reflecting  the  sky, 
and  refreshino-  and  adorninf]^  the  earth.  How 
much  better  is  this,  than  the  turbid  licentious- 
ness of  the  flood,  though  it  may  make  a  greater 
show,  and  a  greater  noise  ;  and  draw  more 
gazers  to  its  spreading,  wild,  and  dangerous 
invasions. 

The  Greeks  did  not  permit  the  men  to  have 
much  intercourse  with  female  society,  unless 
they  were  related  ;  and  the  Asiatics  laid  upon 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER.  159 

their  women  yet  greater  restraints.  Hence, 
as  Christian  churches  were  first  formed  in 
Greece  and  Asia,  it  might  have  been  inferred, 
that  such  females  as  w^anted  other  instruction 
than  was  given  in  the  public  assemblies,  must 
have  received  it  in  private,  from  some  of  their 
own  sex ;  and  that  from  them  also,  women  in 
penury,  distress,  and  confinement,  must  have 
received  visits  of  succour  and  comfort.  Ac- 
cordingly w^e  find  females,  eligible  from  their 
knowledge,  experience,  discretion,  and  age, 
were  appointed  for  these  purposes.  They  are 
often  referred  to  in  the  Epistles.  Paul  speaks 
of  those  '  women  that  laboured  with  him  in  the 
gospel.'  In  the  earher  periods  of  Ecclesiasti- 
cal History,  we  perceive  women  having  some 
offices  analogous  to  those  of  the  men.  But 
they  were  of  a  private  nature.  Our  brethren, 
the  Moravians,  retain  some  functions  of  this 
kind  ;  and  w^e  believe  no  man,  among  them, 
can  be  a  pastor  who  is  unmamed  ;  as  there 
are  services  required  of  the  wife,  as  well  as  of 
the  husband.  But  none  of  them  are  consonant 
with  the  public  ministration  of  the  word.  How 
far  any  appointments  of  a  similar  order  might 


160  THE  DUTIES  OF 

be  profitably  established  in  our  churches,  it 
would  not  be  perhaps  improper  to  inquire. 

But  we  are  not  going  at  present  to  attempt 
any  new  schemes.  We  deem  it  preferable  to 
take  things  as  they  are  ;  and  endeavour  to 
improve  what  is  practicable  ;  rather  than  to 
deal  in  what  is  speculative.  We  therefore  say, 
that  without  the  assumption  of  office  ;  and 
without  leaving  the  sphere  of  engagement 
suited  to  your  sex  and  station,  you  may,  in  an 
eminent  degree,  serve  your  own  generation  by 
the  will  of  God.  Let  me  freely  develop  and 
enforce  what  I  should  deem  necessary  to  your 
securing  so  desirable  an  attainment. 

I  presume  on  your  personal  religion.  It  is 
said  of  Zachariah  and  Elisabeth,  that  '  they 
were  both  righteous  before  God,  walkmg  in 
all  the  commandments  and  ordinances  of  the 
Lord,  blameless.'  If  a  Christian  is  to  '  marry 
only  in  the  Lord,'  how  indispensable  is  this 
requisition  to  a  minister.  If  he  sets  at  nought 
the  divine  precaution,  he  not  only  by  his  ex- 
ample justifies  others  in  forming  unhallowed 
connexions,  but  his  own  wickedness  will  cor- 
rect him  ;   and  he  will  be  made  to  feel,  in  the 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER.  161 

natural  consequences  as  well  as  in  the  penal 
rebuke,  what  an  evil  and  bitter  thing  it  is  to 
forsake  the  fear  of  the  Almighty.  His  case 
indeed  is  to  be  pitied,  should  he  have  been 
imposed  upon  after  serious  and  candid  examin- 
ation. And  there  have  been  wives  who  have 
made  pretensions,  to  gain  the  upright,  who  are 
always  the  most  unsuspecting.  And  when 
the  mask  has  been  afterwards  thrown  aside, 
what  an  astounding  discovery  has  it  been  to 
the  deceived,  and  what  a  degradation  to  the 
deceiver  !  And  when  the  disguise  has  contin- 
ued, what  a  wretched  constraint  has  been  nec- 
essary to  keep  up  appearances  !  And  what 
irksomeness  has  been  endured  in  being  so  often 
eno;afred  in  the  exercises  of  unfelt  devotion  ! 
And  what  excuses  have  been  made  for  omitting 
duties,  against  the  drudgery  of  which  the  alien- 
ated heart  has  revolted  !  And  what  can  be 
more  likely  to  impair  conscience,  and  to  pro- 
duce impenitence,  than  '  lying  against  the  Holy 
Ghost  ?'  '  And  what  is  the  hope  of  the  hyp- 
ocrite, though  she  hath  gained,  when  God 
taketh  away  her  soul  ?'  '  But  we  are  per- 
suaded better  things  of  you,  and  things  that 


162  THE  DUTIES   OF 

accompany  salvation,  though  we  thus  speak.' 
Yet,  though  in  your  case,  the  reahty  of  god- 
liness be  indispensable,  it  is  not  sufficient. 
Every  thing  in  the  claims  of  your  calling  re- 
quires, not  only  that  you  should  fear  God,  but 
that  you  should  fear  God  above  many ;  not 
only  that  you  should  know  the  truth  as  it  is  in 
Jesus,  but  be  filled  with  the  knowledge  of  his 
will,  in  all  wisdom  and  spiritual  understanding ; 
not  only  that  you  should  be  sincere  and  without 
offence,  until  the  day  of  Christ,  but  be  thor- 
oughly furnished  unto  all  good  works. 

Here  let  me  speak  of  your  deportment — 
With  regard  to  them  that  are  without. 
With  regard  to  other  religious  parties. 
With  regard  to  your  own   church   and 
congregation. 

With  regard  to  your  family. 
With  regard  to  your  husband. 

First ;  with  regard  to  them  that  are 
without.  Of  these  your  husband  is  to  have 
a  '  good  report,  lest  he  fall  into  reproach  and 
the  snare  of  the  devil.'     It  must  be  the  same 


THE   WIFE   OF  A   MINISTER.  16'3 

with  you :  for  though  less  conspicuous  than 
himself,  you  will  not  escape  observation. 

You  are  required  to  be  firm  and  decided. 
You  must  keep  your  high  and  holy  ground, 
and  not  be  drawn  down  into  the  course  of  this 
world.  If  you  comply  with  their  wishes,  and 
conform  to  their  maxims  and  manners,  they 
may  like  you  more,  but  they  will  esteem  you 
less.  It  is  by  your  consistency  that  you  are 
to  strike  and  impress  others.  They  will  not 
regard,  what  they  see  you  make  light  of  your- 
selves :  and  surely  you  cannot  evince  the  im- 
portance you  attach  to  the  truths  you  profess, 
by  owning  them  at  one  time,  and  being  ashamed 
of  them  at  another,  according  to  the  place  and 
company  in  which  you  are  found  :  but  only 
by  the  constancy  of  your  adherence  to  them, 
and  the  sacrifices  you  are  ready  to  make  in 
their  defence. 

Yet  tenderness  must  be  connected  with  de- 
cision, both  to  qualify  it,  and  to  prove  the 
source  from  which  it  results  —  that  it  is  not 
the  offspring  of  obstinacy,  but  principle  ;  that 
it  is  not  self-will,  but  a  regard  to  the  will  of 
God ;   that  it  is  not  prejudice,  but  enlightened 


164  THE  DUTIES   OF 

conviction.  Whoever  in  this  cause  contends 
earnestly,  must  yet  strive  lawfully.  A  polemic 
of  your  sex  is  rarely  desirable.  A  theological 
Joan  of  Arc  we  would  rather  dechne  ahogetli- 
er.  The  Amazons  of  orthodoxy,  as  those  of 
old,  may  amputate  the  breast,  the  better  to 
draw  the  bow  :  but  we  prefer  their  feeling  to 
their  fierceness  ;  and  their  charms  to  their 
courage.  They  are  not  only  most  lovely,  but 
most  efficient,  when  unarmed,  and  attired  in 
the  meekness  and  gentleness  of  Jesus  Christ. 
In  your  social  intercourse,  be  careful  to  unite 
discretion  with  integrity.  Be  concerned  not 
only  to  maintain  your  reputation,  but  the  hon- 
our of  your  religion.  Do  not  imagine  that 
truth  is  an  altar  that  sanctifies  every  offering. 
Plead  for  no  doctrine  in  an  uncharitable  tem- 
per. Christian  faithfulness  does  not  require 
ill-nature  ;  and  gains  nothing  by  ill-breeding. 
It  is  a  poor  way  of  usefulness,  to  lose  all  future 
opportunities  of  doing  good  to  your  fellow- 
creatures,  by  driving  them  away  from  your 
presence,  or  hardening  their  minds  against  you. 
Yet  how  often  is  this  done  by  the  haughtiness 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  165 

of  reproof !    or  the  violence  of  controversy  I 
or  the  rancour  of  party  zeal ! 

Treat  no  one  with  rudeness  or  neglect. 
Shun  the  spirit  of  the  Pharisee,  trusting  in 
himself  that  he  is  righteous,  and  despising 
others  :  '  Stand  by  thyself;  come  not  near  to 
me  ;  I  am  holier  than  thou.'  Mixing  with 
company  prevents  the  appearance  and  suspi- 
cion of  unamiableness  ;  and  has  the  effect  of 
promoting  good  neighbourhood,  and  general 
good  will.  Remember  that  what  gentility 
would  require  of  you  as  an  accomplishment, 
Christianity  enjoins  upon  you  as  a  virtue  ;  and 
what  a  woman  of  good  breeding  receives  from 
education,  you  are  to  derive  from  religion  ;  and 
what  is  only  in  tlie  people  of  the  world  the 
hoUowness  of  ceremony,  is  to  be  in  you  the 
reality  of  principle.  '  Politeness,'  says  lord 
Chatham,  '  is  benevolence  in  little  things.'  It 
consists  in  general  attention  ;  in  doing  civil 
offices,  and  using  kind  words  to  all ;  in  keeping 
every  offensive  subject  out  of  view  ;  in  never 
obtruding  your  own  partialities  ;  but  always 
minutely  regarding  the  wishes  of  others ;  in 
accommodating    yourselves  as  much   as   you 


166'  THE  DUTIES  OP 

mnocently  can,  to  their  habits  and  tastes ;  in 
forgetting  yourselves,  and  obliging  every  one 
about  you.  And  what  says  the  scripture  ? 
*  Let  every  one  of  us  please  his  neighbour  for 
his  good  to  edification.'  This  is  the  way  to 
adorn  the  doctrine  of  God  our  Saviour  ;  and 
to  render  the  gospel  not  only  impressive,  but 
attractive.  This  is  the  way  to  walk  in  wisdom 
towards  them  that  are  without,  so  as  to  remove 
their  prejudices,  and  bring  them  over  to  your 
cause  —  and  Mie  that  winneth  souls,  is  wise.' 
Be  kind  and  merciful,  as  well  as  obliging. 
Always  regard  the  afflicted.  The  hour  of 
trouble  is  a  season  of  moral  impressiveness : 
the  heart  is  then  more  serious  and  more  soft. 
While  the  daughters  of  vanity  and  dissipation 
turn  away  from  the  abodes  of  penury  and  wo ; 
be  you  a  little  image  of  Him,  who  is  a  very 
present  help  in  trouble.  When  Mr.  Howard 
presented  his  wife  with  a  purse  of  one  hundred 
guineas  to  enable  her  to  take  a  summer's  ex- 
cursion :  ^  what  a  pretty  cottage,' ~  said  she, 
'  will  this  build  for  a  poor  family !'  How  much 
more  pure,  and  satisfying  and  durable,  was  the 
pleasure  the  sight  of  this  litde  temple  of  charity 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  167 

afforded  her,  than  what  she  could  have  derived 
from  a  visit  to  a  watering-place  !  It  was  a 
common  saying  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  who,  from 
experience,  knew  the  deliciousness  infinitely 
better  than  any  other  being :  '  It  is  more  bless- 
ed to  give  than  to  receive.'  It  is  to  be  la- 
mented, that  many  in  your  station  have  it  so 
little  in  their  power  to  gratify  their  benevolence  : 
but  whatever  resources  your  husband  com- 
mands, he  will  readily  allow  you  a  share  of 
the  pleasure  and  honour  arising  from  the  ap- 
plication of  them  :  and  the  beneficence  which 
should  distinguish  a  minister's  wife,  is  not  con- 
fined to  alms-givings.  There  are  alms-deeds. 
There  are  numberless  ways  in  which  a  feeling 
heart  can  reach  distress.  When  it  cannot 
succour,  it  can  soothe. 

It  is  important  to  be  able  to  give  advice  to 
the  poor.  They  are  often  thriftless  and  waste- 
ful, from  ignorance,  as  much  as  from  negligence. 
But  they  may  be  taught  to  make  a  little  go  a 
great  way  ;  and  actual  and  personal  instruction 
may  do  much  more  than  printed  tracts. 

Some  little  knowledge  also  of  medicine 
would  be  always  an  instrument  of  usefulness 


168  THE  DUTIES   OF 

in  female  chanty  ;   and  none  could  more  ad- 
vantageously use  it  than  a  pastor's  wife. 

Your  sex  are  sometimes  called  angels.  Tlie 
design  has  not  always  been  laudable  :  and  the 
flattery,  it  is  to  be  feared,  has  sometimes  turned 
them  into  fallen  angels.  But  you  may  tmly 
deserve  the  praise  of  the  title.  Our  Saviour, 
speaking  of  children,  says,  '  Despise  not  one  of 
these  little  ones ;  for  their  angels  do  always 
behold  the  face  of  my  Father  who  is  in  heaven.' 
And,  says  Paul,  '  Are  they  not  all  ministering 
spirits,  sent  forth  to  minister  unto  them  that 
are  the  heirs  of  salvation?'  Make  these  beau- 
tiful and  lovely  creatures  your  models.  A 
female  is  never  so  angelical  as  when  she  adds 
to  her  personal  graces  the  moral  attractions  ; 
and  displays  the  tender  heart ;  the  melting 
eye  ;  the  soft  hand  binding  up  the  wounded 
spirit ;  and  the  foot  with  eager  steps  at  the 
door  of  misery,  visiting  the  fatherless  and  the 
widows  in  their  affliction. 

Secondly;  with  regard  to  other  religious 
PARTIES.  You  must  not  judge  of  persons  by 
their  walking  with  you,  in  the  outward  fellow- 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER,  169 

ship  of  the  gospel.  They  may  assemble  in 
other  places,  and  belong  to  other  denomina- 
tions, in  which  the  worship  of  the  Spirit  is 
equally  maintained,  and  the  word  of  life  is 
equally  preached  ;  and  be  members  of  the  one 
true  church  of  the  living  God.  And  being 
such,  you  are  not  at  liberty  to  show  an  indif- 
ference to  them.  You  must  be  able  to  say, 
'  Grace  be  with  all  them  that  love  our  Lord 
Jesus  Christ  in  sincerity  :'  *  Whosoever  shall 
do  the  will  of  my  Father  who  is  in  heaven, 
the  same  is  my  brother,  and  sister,  and  mother.' 
As  your  husband  professes  to  maintain  the 
character  of  a  w^orker  together  with  all  those 
who  hold  the  same  essential  truth,  though  they 
differ  from  him  in  matters  of  inferior  moment ; 
you  should  aim  and  endeavour  to  cherish  in 
him  the  spirit  of  love  and  concord.  Be  not 
ofiended  or  grieved  at  hearing  the  commen- 
dations and  successes  of  other  ministers,  as  if 
they  eclipsed  the  excellencies,  or  detracted  from 
the  usefulness,  of  one  for  whom  it  is  natural 
that  you  should  feel  peculiarly  concerned. 
He  that  soweth,  and  he  that  reapeth,  may 
rejoice  together.  He  that  planteth,  and  he 
15 


170  THE  DUTIES  OF 

that  watereth,  are  not  enemies  or  rivals.  The 
various  officers  in  an  army,  and  the  various 
builders  in  the  house,  require  and  aid  each 
other. 

When  the  Wesleyan  Methodists  opened  a 
Chapel  at  Painsvv^ick,  near  his  own  meeting, 
the  late  excellent  Cornelius  Winter  prayed 
three  times  publicly  the  preceding  Sabbath  for 
their  encouragement  and  success.  When  Mr. 
Hoskins,  of  Bristol,  the  Independent  Minister 
of  Castle-Green,  opened  a  Meeting  in  Temple 
Street ;  what  did  the  incomparable  Easter- 
brooke,  the  vicar  of  the  parish  ?  The  morning 
it  was  opened,  he  was  almost  the  first  that 
entered  it.  He  seated  himself  near  the  pulpit. 
When  the  service  was  over,  he  met  the  preacher 
at  the  foot  of  the  stairs,  and  shaking  him  with 
both  hands,  said  aloud  ;  '  I  thank  you  cordially, 
my  dear  brother,  for  coming  to  my  help  — 
here  is  room  enough  for  us  both  ;  and  w^ork 
enough  for  us  both  ;  and  much  more  than  we 
can  both  accomplish:  and  I  hope  the  Lord 
will  bless  our  co-operation  in  this  good  cause.' 

There  is  too  little  of  this  in  many  neigh- 
bourhoods ;  so  that  if  the  leaders  of  the  several 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER.  J  71 

interests  are  not  in  a  state  of  hostility,  they  are 
estranged,  and  shy  of  each  other.  And  there 
is  often,  we  fear,  a  secret  influence  exerted 
'Very  near  the  throne  ;  and  arising,  not  from  a 
bad  heart,  but  quick  and  feverish  feehng,  that 
contributes  to  produce  and  perpetuate  the 
effect. 

A  man  cannot  receive  a  higher  commission 
than  the  ministry  of  the  word  ;  and  such  we 
are  commanded  to  esteem  very  highly  in  love 
for  their  works'  sake.  Their  acceptance  is 
necessary  to  their  usefulness  ;  and  their  repu- 
tation is  necessary  to  their  acceptance.  Be- 
ware, therefore,  of  speaking  freely  or  lightly 
of  the  character  and  claims  of  any  of  God's 
servants.  Remember  how  Miriam  erred  in 
her  flippancy,  when,  jealous  of  the  popularity 
of  Moses,  she  endeavoured  to  lower  him  com- 
paratively in  the  estimation  of  the  people. 
God  was  displeased.  The  cloud  removed  from 
the  tabernacle.  And  '  she  became  a  leper  as 
white  as  snow.'  And  was  '  ashamed'  to  be 
seen  abroad  '  for  seven  days.'  Crimes  are  not 
immediately  and  visibly  judged  now,  as  they 
were  under  a  former  dispensation.     And  it  is 


172  THE  DUTIES  OF 

well  they  are  not.  If  Miriam's  infirmity  was 
followed  by  Miriam's  correction,  we  know 
some  handsome  faces,  and  some  not  very  hand- 
some, whose  cadaverous  complexion  would 
soon  require  seclusion  and  concealment ;  while 
the  mortified  sufferers  would  be  grateful  for 
the  prayers  of  those  they  have  laboured  to 
supplant  or  depreciate,  to  restore  them  to 
comeliness  and  sight.  '  Wherefore  then  were 
ye  not  afraid  to  speak  against  my  servant 
Moses  ?' 

Thirdly  ;  with  regard  to  your  own  church 
AND  CONGREGATION.  Hcrc,  like  your  hus- 
band, you  are  to  be  '  an  example  of  the  be- 
lievers, in  word,  in  conversation,  in  charity,  in 
spirit,  in  faith,  in  purity.' 

Never  let  your  behaviour  be  so  reserved,  as 
to  appear  haughty  and  disdainful  towards  any 
of  the  members  or  attendants  ;  especially  any 
of  those  in  humbler  life.  A  little  partiality 
here,  will  be  sure  to  awaken  the  remark  ;  '  The 
rich  have  many  friends.'  Your  leaning  should 
should  rather  be  to  the  other  side ;  not  only 
because  it  will  do  more  honour  to  your  motive, 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  173 

and  you  will  be  complying  with  the  injunction, 
*  condescend  to  men  of  low  estate  ;'  but  also  be- 
cause so  many  of  the  subjects  of  divine  grace 
are  found  among  the  poor  of  this  world  ;  no 
few  of  whom  are  rich  in  faith  ;  and  able,  fi'om 
their  own  experience,  to  reward  your  inter- 
course with  them. 

Never  be  drawn  into  excessive  attachments. 
They  gender  envy  and  provoke  reflection. 
Like  himself,  a  minister's  wife  is  hardly  allowed 
friendship  ;  at  least,  great  and  engrossing  in- 
timacies. She  stands  in  the  same  relation  to 
many  ;  and  must  be  respectful  and  attentive 
to  all.  If  she  cannot  hinder  the  existence  of 
particular  feelings  and  preferences  ;  she  may, 
she  must  learn  to  rule  the  expression  of  them. 
Many  in  your  rank,  especially  the  narrow- 
minded  and  the  ill-educated,  always  have  their 
cronies,  a  kind  of  low  favourites,  decent  de- 
pendents, the  collectors  of  all  the  news  of  the 
church,  congregation,  and  neighbourhood,  and 
who  can  feed  their  entertainers  with  timely 
selections,  according  to  their  peculiar  appetite 
and  wishes,  with  w^hich  they  are  perfectly 
acquainted.    Flee  these.    Beware  of  all  news- 


174  THE  DUTIES   OF 

mongers.  Frown  them  to  a  distance.  ChlH 
them  into  silence.  What  says  the  proverb  ? 
^  The  receiver  is  as  bad  as  the  thief.'  What 
says  the  witty  and  sarcastical  South  ?  '  The 
tale-bearer,  and  the  tale-hearer,  should  be  both 
punished  together;  only  the  one  should  be 
hung  up  by  the  tongue,  and  the  other  by  the 
ear.' 

After  all  your  caution,  there  are  things 
which  you  will  unavoidably  hear ;  but  you 
must  hear  them,  as  if  you  heard  them  not,  and 
you  need  not  relate  them.  Be  not  suspicious, 
yet  never  be  too  open.  Never  put  yourself, 
by  imprudent  confidence,  in  the  power  of  any. 
Never  betray  secrets,  the  divulging  of  which 
may  involve  you  in  embarrassment  or  disgrace. 

Keep  yourself  aloof  from  all  breaches  in  the 
families  of  your  people,  and  any  differences 
that  may  arise  in  the  church  or  congregation. 
There  is  danger  here,  from  your  being,  with 
regard  to  such  things,  in  the  w^ay  of  much 
prattling  information ;  and  unless  you  are 
guarded,  you  will  be  easily  drawn  in,  and  be- 
come a  partizan  :  and  when  a  female  has  taken 
her  side,  which  seldom  requires  much  time  ; 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  175 

she  is  apt  to  be  more  open  than  false  ;  and 
frequently  feels  and  expresses  more  than  prin- 
ciple, or  at  least  prudence,  can  justify.  Never 
show  or  wish  to  be  'a  judge  and  a  divider.' 
Never  be  found  in  the  Ecclesiastical  Court. 
Leave  these  matters  to  those  to  whom  they 
properly  belong,  and  who  '  have  the  ride.'  I 
never  knew  a  minister's  wife,  but  was  esteemed 
and  admired  in  proportion  as  she  shunned  con- 
tention and  intermeddling,  and  kept  within  the 
duties  of  her  own  appropriate  and  lovely  sphere. 
It  is  better  to  withdraw,  and  retire,  and  weep, 
and  pray,  than  to  excite  notice,  and  gain  par- 
tial praise,  with  the  froward,  and  even  the 
forward  in  spirit.     *  Who  is   a  wise'  woman, 

*  and  endued  with  knowledge  ?'      '  Let'  her 

*  show  out  of  a  good  conversation'  her  '  works 
with  meekness  of  wisdom.  For  where  envy 
and  strife  is,  there  is  confusion,  and  every  evil 
work.  But  the  wisdom  that  is  from  above,  is 
first  pure,  then  peaceable,  gentle,  and  easy  to 
be  entreated  ;  full  of  mercy  and  good  fruits  ; 
without  partiality,  and  without  hypocrisy. 
And  the  fruit  of  righteousness  is  sown  in  peace, 
of  them  that  make  peace.' 


176  THE  DUTIES  OF 

In  the  visits  you  pay  and  receive,  be  always 
ready  to  encourage  religious  discourse.  Let 
this  appear  to  be  the  element  the  most  con- 
genial with  your  spirit.  Let  your  speech  turn 
habitually  on  subjects,  rather  than  persons. 
Especially,  speak  evil  of  no  man.  '  Upon  her 
tongue  was  the  law  of  kindness.'  In  a  general 
way,  be  rather  reserved  than  over  communi- 
cative. We  have  many  good  discourses,  says 
archbishop  Tillotson,  on  the  excellency  of 
speech  ;  we  want  one  now  on  the  excellency 
of  silence.  ^  In  the  multitude  of  words  there 
wanteth  not  sin.'  How  often  does  Solomon, 
the  wisest  of  mortals,  enforce  a  comparative 
backwardness  to  speak.  In  one  place  he  tells 
us  it  is  safe  ;  in  another,  it  is  wise  ;  in  a  third, 
it  is  dignified  ;  in  a  fourth,  it  is  useful  ;  and 
every  where  he  extols  it  as  a  virtue.  Nature, 
my  sister,  teaches  us  this  lesson  as  well  as 
scripture.  It  has  given  us  two  ears,  but  one 
tongue  :  the  former  avenues  are  always  left 
open  ;  the  latter  organ  is  easily  enclosed — as 
much  as  to  say,  ^  Be  swift  to  hear  ;  but  slow 
to  speak.'  Here,  alas  !  ^  who  can  understand 
his  errors  ?'     Who  can  read  the  testimony  of 


THE  WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER.  177 

Jesus — '  Every  idle  word  that  men  shall  speak, 
they  shall  give  account  thereof  in  the  day  of 
judgment'  —  and  not  pray,  ^  Set  a  watch,  O 
Lord,  before  my  mouth  :  keep  the  door  of 
my  lips  !'  If  your  connexions  and  intercourse 
afford  you  more  opportunities  and  excitements 
to  speak,  so  much  the  more  necessary  is  it 
that  '  your  speech  should  be  always  with  grace, 
seasoned  v/ith  salt.'  I  urge  this,  because  of  its 
peculiar  and  neglected  importance.  Surely, 
what  James  says  of  our  sex  will  apply  equally 
to  yours,  especially  to  a  female  in  your  relation. 
^  If  any  man  offend  not  in  word,  the  same  is  a 
perfect  man  ;  and  able  also  to  bridle  the  whole 
body.' 

Fourthly  ;  with  regard  to  your  family. 
By  this  I  here  mean  servants  and  children. 

Upon  the  former  I  shall  not  much  enlarge. 
Surely,  in  the  treatment  of  your  servants,  it 
will  not  be  necessary  to  remind  you,  that  you 
have  a  Master  in  heaven,  and  that  there  is  no 
respect  of  persons  with  God.  He  that  has 
created  you,  made  them.  No  being  is  des- 
picable as  a  creature  of  the  Most  High,  sq 
16 


178  THE  DUTIES  OP 

fearfully  and  wonderfully  made  :  and  no  on6 
is  to  be  contemned  on  the  ground  of  power 
and  influence.  Domestics  can  injure  you  ; 
their  very  situation  gives  them  peculiar  means 
and  opportunities  ;  and  they  may  employ  their 
advantage  in  ways  of  which  you  have  no  ap- 
prehension) and  which  render  counteraction 
difficult  or  impossible.  It  is  never  desirable 
to  wage  w^ar  with  inferiors  :  you  must  descend 
to  the  same  lowness  of  contention,  and  employ 
weapons,  in  the  use  of  which,  they  are  likely 
to  be  much  more  expert  than  yourself,  while 
the  sympathy  of  beholders  will  be  most  natur- 
ally drawn  to  the  weaker  side.  Think  not  a 
hint  of  this  kind  beneath  your  notice.  It  will 
procure  you  more  discredit  than  you  are  aware 
of,  to  be  always,  or  often,  changing  your  ser- 
vants ;  or  to  wear  the  character  of  a  harsh, 
scolding,  close,  stingy  mistress. 

Sink  not  your  proper  distinction,  by  suffer- 
ing your  affability  to  degenerate  into  familiari- 
ties. Neither  let  your  kindness  disappear  in 
your  authority.  Servitude  being  established 
against  the  natural  equality  of  mankind,  should 
be  softened  as  much  as  the  duties  of  it  will 


THE  WIFE  OP  A  MINISTER.  179 

allow.  Consider  your  servants  as  humble 
friends.  Little  minds  endeavour  to  support 
their  consequence  by  distance  and  hauteur : 
but  true  dignity  is  always  condescending  and 
tender :  and  in  a  woman,  we  admire,  not  what 
is  stately,  but  what  is  endearing  ;  not  what  is 
dazzling,  but  what  is  mild  and  lovely  ;  not 
what  is  great,  but  what  is  graceful.  Forbear 
threatening.  Distinguish  between  mistakes, 
and  the  want  of  principle.  Pass  by  little  in- 
firmities. Is  it  reasonable  that  the  mistress 
should  exact  from  a  servant,  the  perfection, 
the  servant  can  never  expect  from  the  mistress  ? 
Afford  your  domestics  occasional  indulgence  ; 
and  especially  moments  for  reasonable  visits  to 
their  relations  and  friends.  Let  the  readiness 
to  commend  you  to  others,  the  tear  when  you 
leave  home,  the  beaming  countenance  when 
you  return,  the  eager  and  uncomplaining  at- 
tendance and  watching  by  day  and  night  in 
your  sicloiess,  show  that  you  have  gained  the 
heart,  as  well  as  hired  the  hand,  and  are  served, 
not  by  the  sullenness  of  fear,  but  the  cheerful- 
ness of  affection.  Above  all,  you  will  not 
overlook  the  moral  and  spmtual  welfare  of 


180  THE  DUTIES   OF 

those  who  are  not  only  under  your  command 
but  under  your  care — and  you  will  care  for 
their  souls.  You  wull  not  only  give  them  op- 
portunity to  attend  the  means  of  grace,  and 
family  worship  ;  but  you  w^ill  personally  in- 
struct, reprove,  encourage  them.  However 
ignorant  they  may  come  into  your  service,  it 
will  be  a  disgrace  to  the  mistress  for  them  to 
depart  unable  to  read  the  scriptures. 

With  regard  to  the  children  the  Lord  may 
graciously  give  you,  your  husband  of  course 
will  share  with  you  in  the  discharge  of  paren- 
tal duty.  But  though,  here,  you  are  not  ex- 
clusively, yet  you  are  really,  you  are  deeply, 
and,  in  some  respects,  peculiarly  concerned. 
In  all  the  animal  creation,  the  maternal  instincts 
are  the  most  powerful ;  and  the  wisdom  of  the 
provision  is  obvious — the  rearing  of  their  off- 
spring almost  entirely  belongs  to  the  mother. 
In  the  education  of  children — of  the  daughters 
till  they  are  married  ;  and  of  the  sons  till  a 
certain  age — the  care  falls  chiefly  on  the  fe- 
male. To  her  belong  unquestionably  the  first 
years  of  both  ;  and  those  periods  are  tlie  most 
tender  and    ductile.      Her   share   of  tuition, 


THE   WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER.  181 

tlierefore,  begins  very  early  ;  and  it  cannot 
begin  too  early.  Infants  are  impressed  before 
they  are  supposed  to  be  receptive  of  impres- 
sion ;  and  they  are  proceeding  in  a  direction 
before  we  think  they  are  capable  of  motion. 
They  can  remember  before  they  can  reason  ; 
and  they  can  judge  before  they  can  speak  ; 
as  you  see  by  their  looks  and  gestures,  their 
attractions  and  their  aversions.  Here  your 
wisdom  and  your  vigilance  must  be  awake, 
instantly  to  seize  and  improve  opportunities, 
apparently  insignificant,  but  most  serious  in 
their  effects.  The  roads  that  lead  to  places 
very  remote  from  each  other,  diverge  very 
slenderly  at  their  beginnings.  When  I  wish 
the  branch  of  a  tree  in  my  garden  to  occupy 
a  particular  space,  I  can  guide  it,  while  a  suck- 
er, with  a  thread  :  a  kw  years  after  it  will 
require  a  rope  ;  and  the  attempt  to  bend  it  will 
be  likely  to  break. 

As  a  mother  too,  from  his  endeared  depen- 
dence upon  you,  you  are  sure  of  the  child's 
first  and  liveliest  attachment.  And  you  have 
always  the  advantage  of  immediate  access. 
And  you  have  also  the  influence  of  that  insin- 


182  THE  DUTIES  OF 

uation  and  address  which  our  sex  has  not  the 
faculty  to  possess,  or  the  patience  to  employ. 
One  of  the  absurd  opinions  of  former  times 
was,  that  poison  never  diftused  itself  so  quickly 
and  powerfully  as  when  it  was  administered  in 
human  milk  —  nothhig  certainly  affects  so  much 
as  what  is  imbibed  with  the  mother's  milk. 
In  the  age  of  Silver,  Hesiod  says,  poetically, 
children  continued,  during  an  infancy  of  one 
hundred  years,  under  maternal  care. 

I  am  weary,  said  the  ambitious  Cornelia, 
of  being  called  Scipio's  daughter.  Do  some- 
thing, my  sons,  to  style  me  the  mother  of  the 
Gracchi.  What  an  honour  will  be  conferred 
on  you,  if  you  should  be  the  means  of  rearing 
a  disciple  of  Jesus  !  an  heir  of  God  !  a  minis- 
ter of  the  gospel !  an  ambassador  to  the  hea- 
then !  And  why  should  you  be  discouraged  ? 
We  know  that  human  nature  is  depraved  ;  but 
w^e  know  the  grace  that  is  in  Christ  Jesus. 
We  do  not  think  of  your  success  without  his 
blessing  ;  but  we  encourage  you  to  seek  it : 
and  while,  in  dependence  upon  it,  you  employ 
all  the  means  in  your  power,  remember  his 
own  word  :  '  Train  up  a  child  in  the  way  that 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  183 

he  should  go,  and  when  he  is  old  he  will  not 
depart  from  it.'  This  is  indeed  a  proverb,  and 
therefore  admits  of  exceptions  :  but,  as  a  pro- 
verb, it  must  be  generally  true  :  and  where 
the  mother  has  performed  her  part,  there  are 
few  failures,  at  least  eventual  failures.  For  a 
time  she  may  have  seemed  to  labour  in  vain  ; 
but  she  sowed  the  seed  in  good  season  ;  and 
though  impatience  deemed  it  dead,  some  after- 
showers  and  sunshines  caused  it  to  spring  up, 
and  bring  forth  fmit.  So  it  was  with  the 
mother  of  Augustine.  You  have  also  heard, 
to  the  same  effect,  the  grateful  acknowledg- 
ments of  a  Newton  and  a  Cecil  in  later  times. 
While  many,  by  maternal  influence,  have  been 
reclaimed  from  the  paths  of  the  Destroyer, 
others,  and  who  can  tell  their  number,  others 
have  been  preserved,  and  have  feared  the  Lord 
from  their  youth  and  their  infancy.  This  was 
the  case  with  Samuel  and  Timothy  ;  the  Jew- 
ish church  being  indebted  for  the  former  to 
Hannah,  and  the  Christian  church  to  Lois  and 
Eunice  for  the  latter.  David  does  not  any 
where  refer  to  Jesse  ;  but,  says  he,  '  Save  the 
son  of  thine  handmaid.'     ^  I  am  the  son  of 


184  "I^HE  DUTIES  OF 

thine  handmaid.'  And  who  can  tell  what 
early  and  touching  recollections  of  her  early, 
and  tender,  and  pious  solicitude,  he  felt  at  the 
moment  of  such  appeals  ? 

At  our  ordinations,  when  the  candidate  has 
been  asked  a  reason  of  the  hope  that  he  has 
been  called  by  divine  grace,  how  often,  if  he 
has  adverted  to  the  means,  has  a  tear,  which 
instantly  drew  forth  kindred  drops  from  the 
eyes  of  others,  almost  interrupted  the  confes- 
sion, '  I  had  the  advantage  of  a  pious  mother.' 

You  cannot  have  forgotten  the  acknowledg- 
ment, on  the  preceding  day,  of  one  so  dear  to 
you  :  '  I  have  no  miracle  to  publish  :  I  have 
no  surprising  or  sudden  change  to  relate  ;  but 
blessed  be  his  name,  I  was  brought  up  in  the 
nurture  and  admonition  of  the  Lord  ;  the  tak- 
ing of  my  little  hand  in  her's  ;  I  think  I  feel 
it  still,  and  leading  me  aside  to  pray  ;  her 
concern  on  returning  from  the  house  of  God, 
to  enable  me  to  remember  and  understand  the 
sermon  ;  the  murmur  of  her  dear  voice  at  her 
devotion  as  I  passed  her  chamber  door ;  the 
maxims  and  principles  she  lodged  in  my  infant 
mind  ;   the  tears  that  bedewed  her  reproofs  ; 


THE  WIFE   OF  A   MINISTER.  185 

the  caresses  that  enforced  her  entreaties ;  her 
cheerflilness,  that  constantly  said,  '  O  taste  and 
see  that  the  Lord  is  good ;'  her  example,  that 
embodied  her  religion,  and  made  it  as  lovely 
as  herself — these  endear  the  memory  of  a 
mother,  from  whom,  under  God,  I  have  derived 
my  spiritual,  as  well  as  my  natural  life.' 

You  are  not  commonly  In  danger  of  injuring 
or  overlooking  the  health  of  your  offspring 
Intentionally ;  but  wisdom  is  profitable  to  di- 
rect. A  little  medical  advice,  and  observation 
and  experience  in  the  service  of  common  sense, 
will  enable  you  to  see  the  importance  of  air 
and  exercise,  of  sweetening  the  blood  by  a 
proper  choice  of  food,  and  of  preventing  ail- 
ments by  simplicity  of  diet,  and  keeping  nature 
unclogged  by  excess.  Never  accustom  them 
at  table  to  choose  for  themselves  :  you  are  the 
best  judge  as  to  the  quality  and  measure  of 
their  provisions ;  and  they  cannot  be  too  early 
taught  to  give  up  self-will  to  superior  wisdom. 

Were  I  addressing  your  partner,  I  should 
say,  '  Fathers,  provoke  not  your  children  to 
anger,  lest  they  be  discouraged.'  But  your 
danger  generally  lies  on  the  other  side.   There- 


186  THE  DUTIES  OF 

fore,  beware  of  fond  and  foolish  indulgence. 
Trifles  may  be  passed  over,  and  some  minor 
offences  be  safely  buried  in  the  bosom  of  ma- 
ternal tenderness  ;  but  conceal  no  faults  your 
children  may  commit,  of  a  more  serious  nature, 
from  the  father  ;  nor,  if  you  privately  plead 
for  the  softening  of  correction,  never  counteract 
the  effort  of  rebuke,  by  appearing  to  oppose 
it  at  the  time.  In  all  matters  of  moral  rule 
and  discipline,  nothing  is  more  necessary  than 
for  the  parents  to  be  seen  agreed  and  decided. 

Endeavour  to  cultivate  the  manners  of  your 
children  ;  and  render  them  examples  of  good 
behaviour.  If  they  are  forward,  and  imper- 
tinent, and  rude,  and  disorderly,  insulting  to 
inferiors,  disrespectful  to  superiors,  disobedient 
to  parents,  the  minister  as  well  as  the  mother 
will  be  blamed  ;  for  he  is  to  be  '  one  that 
ruleth  well  his  own  house,  having  his  children 
in  subjection  with  all  gravity.  For  if  a  man 
know  not  how  to  rule  his  own  house,  how  shall 
he  take  care  of  the  church  of  God  ?' 

Be  not  regardless  of  their  dress.  Let  it  not 
be  costly  and  fine.  If,  through  the  inconsid- 
eration  of  friendship,  things  are  given  them, 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER.  187 

above  the  propriety  of  their  condition,  let  them 
be  refused,  or  exchanged,  or  ahered.  Instead 
of  cherishing,  even  indirectly,  a  fondness  for 
attire,  endeavour  to  subdue,  or  rather  prevent 
it.  This,  however,  requires  much  skilfulness, 
especially  with  daughters  ;  and  all  precepts 
will  be  more  than  vain,  unless  they  are  enforced 
by  your  own  example. 

Keep  them  from  visiting  too  much.  Some, 
from  a  regard  to  their  father's  character  and 
office,  may  not  only  invite  your  children,  but 
contribute  to  spoil  them,  by  making  too  much 
of  them  ;  and  giving  them  ideas  and  feelings 
above  their  rank.  On  this  principle,  they 
should  rarely,  if  ever,  visit  famihes  of  superior 
condition,  lest  they  should  grow  dissatisfied 
with  the  plainness  and  sobrieties  of  home. 

And  push  them  not  too  soon  and  too  much 
into  observation.  Especially  when  your  chil- 
dren are  present,  never  in  company  notice  and 
extol  any  particular  quality  or  attainment ; 
with  regard  to  which,  you  will  thereby  assur- 
edly render  them  false  and  vain  ;  and  stimulate 
them  to  forwardness  and  talking,  against  which 
you  cannot  guard  them  too  much.     Hearing 


188  THE  DUTIES  OF 

you  thus  admire  them,  they  think  every  one 
else  does  the  same.  In  your  attentions  to 
them,  therefore,  before  others,  let  them  not 
perceive  any  particular  solicitude  on  your  part 
to  set  them  off  by  their  talents.  Be  content 
to  form  their  minds  by  slow  degrees  ;  and  re- 
member, that  if  it  were  in  your  power  to  ad- 
vance them  in  knowledge  beyond  their  years, 
it  would  not  be  desirable  ;  for  \vhat  is  the 
advantage  of  premature  ability,  compared  with 
the  danger  of  pride,  arrogance,  and  self-suffi- 
ciency ? 

No  ;  nor  in  their  absence  be  even  eager  to 
bring  forth  their  parts  and  sayings.  Not  only 
does  modesty  require  this,  but  a  regard  to  the 
feelings  of  others :  you  have  no  right  to  em- 
barrass your  company,  by  obliging  them  to 
commend  and  admire  things  which  they  may 
not  deem  so  wonderful  and  clever  as  the  moth- 
er. What  a  child  had  Mary  !  How  many 
prodigies  could  she  have  brought  forw^ard  ! 
'  But  Mary  kept  all  these  things,  and  pondered 
them  in  her  heart.'  I  am  aware  that  this  ma- 
ternal propensity  is  not  peculiar  to  the  wives 
of  ministers  ;    but  they  are  more  in  danger  of 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  M!N  STER.  189 

it  than  many  others,  and  the  weakness  will  be 
more  observable  in  them. 

Devote  a  portion  of  your  time  expressly 
every  day  to  the  improvement  of  your  infant 
charge.  Prudence  must  determine  when,  and 
how  long  it  should  be  ;  but  after  deciding,  be 
persevering  and  firm  in  adhering  to  your  plan  ; 
and  let  interrupters  no  more  break  in  upon  it, 
than  upon  the  time  sacred  to  the  studies  of 
your  husband. 

Especially  employ,  without  making  it  irk- 
some and  tiresome,  a  portion  of  the  Sabbath 
to  the  examination  and  instruction  of  your 
children.  Yet  we  have  known  the  wives  of 
some  ministers,  who  have  been  fonder  of  at- 
tending Sunday  schools,  and  addressing  them, 
than  of  being  ^  teachers  of  babes'  at  home. 
Sunday  schools  must  have  their  attendance, 
and  much  praise  is  due  to  those  who  dedicate 
to  their  service  so  many  of  their  hours  :  but 
if  persons  have  originated  families,  these  must 
be  their  first  care  :  '  He  that  provideth  not  for 
his  own,  especially  those  of  his  own  house, 
hath  denied  the  faith,  and  is  worse  than  an 
infidel.' 


190  THE  DUTIES  OP 

Fifthly ;  with  regard  to  your  husband. 
He  is  your  chosen  and  dearest  relation ;  and 
in  this  connexion  another  is  involved.  Your 
husband  is  also  your  pastor ;  and  thus  an  ad- 
ditional reason  is  furnished  why  you  should 
*  reverence'  him,  and  '  submit'  to  him.  It  is 
little  honourable  to  any  party,  when,  not  only 
the  head  of  the  family,  but  the  ruler  of  the 
synagogue,  is  supposed  to  be  under  govern- 
ment. In  whose  hand  soever  the  sceptre  be 
found,  it  is  the  sign  of  dominion  ;  and  however 
softly  it  may  be  swayed,  they  who  are  under 
it  are  the  subjects.  But,  indeed,  women  who 
assume  the  reins,  seldom  manage  them  with 
moderation,  or  dignity.  All  usurpers,  whatever 
was  their  previous  disposition,  incline  to  tyran- 
ny and  display  ;  and,  unlike  those  who  natur- 
ally and  legitimately  govern,  are  never  satisfied 
but  as  their  power  is  felt  and  acknowledged. 

In  no  case  does  it  become  the  wife  to  exer- 
cise authority  over  the  man  she  has  promised 
to  obey  :  and  she  is  a  vain  and  a  weak  woman, 
who  exposes  to  observation  even  the  influence 
which  in  many  cases  she  is  justified  in  using. 
Whom  does  the  poet  commend  ? 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  191 

'  She,  who  ne'er  answers  till  her  husband  cools, 
Or,  if  she  rules  him,  never  shows  she  rules ; 
Charms  by  accepting,  by  submission  sways. 
Yet  has  her  humour  most  when  slie  obeys.' 

When  Livla  had  attained  such  an  ascendan- 
cy over  her  husband  Augustus  that  there  was 
hardly  any  thing  he  would  refuse  her,  though 
emperor  of  the  world,  many  of  the  married 
ladies  of  Rome  were  anxious  to  know  the  se- 
cret and  the  source  of  her  success  :  to  w^hom 
she  replied,  '  1  rule  by  obeying.'  We  need 
not  inquire  from  what  cause  it  arises,  but  a 
man  soon  acquires  a  notion  of  the  superiority 
of  his  own  sex.     This 

•  Grows  with  his  growth,  and  strengthens  with  his  strength.' 

He  is  tenacious  to  maintain  it ;  and  therefore 
is  jealous  of  every  attempt  to  reduce  it.  But 
it  has  been  observed,  that  he  possesses  at  the 
same  time  a  sentimental  tenderness  tow^ards 
the  other  sex  ;  and  an  inclination  to  please 
and  indulge  them  ;  and  thus,  while  he  w^ould 
domineer,  he  is  subdued.  This  has  been  call- 
ed his  weak  side.  Be  it  so  ;  the  use  of  it  is 
obvious  ;  and  a  w^oman  of  sense  can  always 
turn  it  to  advantage,  and  found  on  it  a  better 
dominion  than  authority — an  empire  of  address 


192  THE  DUTIES  OF 

and  affection  ;  caresses,  her  orders ;  tears,  her 
menaces  ;  and  silence  and  submission,  her 
arms.  Here  she  can  do  wonders,  because  she 
appeals  to  nature  itself;  and  is  supported  by  a 
principle  implanted  in  us  by  the  wise  Creator 
to  humble  the  pride  of  power,  and  to  compen- 
sate those  who  have  not  the  force  to  conquer, 
by  giving  them  the  fascination  to  charm. 

Never  forget,  therefore,  that  your  means  of 
sway  must  have  for  their  basis,  gentleness, 
sweetness,  and  good  temper  ;  and  that  they 
must  be  so  exercised,  as  to  allow  your  husband 
to  believe  that  he  is  supporting  his  sovereignty, 
even  while  he  is  yielding  it.  The  show  even 
of  influence  will  alarm  his  vanity  and  conse- 
quence ;  but  the  discovery  of  your  intention 
to  succeed,  by  any  thing  like  authority,  harsh- 
ness, or  sullenness,  will  not  only  produce  dis- 
appointment, but  gender  resistance  or  disgust. 
No  man  of  feeling  was  ever  proof  against  the 
kindness  of  a  sensible  woman  :  but  where,  in 
all  history,  can  an  instance  be  produced,  in 
which  an  ascendancy  over  him  has  been  ob- 
tained by  frowardness,  scolding,  and  strife  for 
pre-eminence  ? 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  193 

Observe,  however,  that  what  we  have  said 
of  influence,  goes  not  to  justify  that  low  and 
artful  cunning,  by  which  some  endeavour  to 
carry  a  favourite  purpose.  If  we  can  depend 
upon  the  writers  of  a  former  age,  the  grand 
resource  of  a  lady,  whose  lord  denied  her  any 
thing  on  which  she  had  set  her  heart,  was  to 
fall  into  an  hysteric.  The  ministry  of  fits  and 
vapours  seems  now  to  be  nearly  closed.  But, 
says  an  excellent  writer,  '  Let  not  the  disposi- 
tions, by  which  it  w^as  introduced  and  upheld, 
be  found  to  survive  its  fall.  Let  it  ever  be 
remembered  that  she,  who  by  teazing,  by 
wheedling,  by  finesse,  under  any  shape  what- 
ever, seeks  to  deceive  or  to  weary  into  acqui- 
escence or  consent,  acts  no  less  plainly  in 
opposition  to  her  duty  of  scriptural  obedience, 
than  she  would  have  done,  had  she  driven  him 
into  compliance  by  the  menaces  and  w^eapons 
of  an  Amazon.' 

This  general,  but  very  important  requisite 
in  your  conduct  towards  your  husband  being 
settled  ;  you  will  allow  me  to  mention  a  few 
other  articles  deserving  your  candid  regard. 

Such  is  an  attention  to  his  personal  appear- 
17 


194  THE  DUTIES  OF 

ance.  He  will  detest  being  a  fop  ;  and  you 
will  not  allow  him  to  be  a  sloven.  You  will 
not  wish  to  see  him  waving  the  ring  on  his  lily 
handj  nor  indulging 

'A  silly,  fond  conceit  of  his  fair  form 
And  just  proportion,  fashionable  mien 
And  pretty  face,  in  presence  of  his  God.' 

Even  comparative 

'Slovenly  neglect,  and  rustic  coarseness,* 

are  better  than  affectation  and  finicality.  But 
these  are  not  good  in  themselves.  Purity, 
neatness,  decency,  become  the  man  of  God  in 
his  appearance  and  apparel ;  and  his  want  of 
it  will  draw  reflection  upon  you. 

Such  is  an  attention  to  his  property. 

These  must  be  the  matters  in  which  the 
apostle  says,  the  wife  is  to  '  guide  the  house.' 
Paul  w^ould  not  have  a  minister  entangled  with 
the  affairs  of  this  life  ;  that  he  may  know  how 
to  please  Him  that  has  called  him  to  be  a  sol- 
dier. Keep  your  husband  as  much  as  possible 
disengaged  from  secular  things,  that  he  may 
feel  himself  free  for  his  work,  both  in  the  pre- 
paration and  the  discharge.  The  kind  of 
keenness  and  cleverness  in  worldly  business, 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER.  195 

often  admired  in  others,  would  have  a  lowering 
effect  in  a  minister.  The  pantry,  the  shop, 
the  market-place,  the  slang  and  the  tricks  of 
the  huckster,  would  be  incongruous  and  dese- 
crating in  him.  His  tact  is  to  be  of  another 
order,  and  to  evince  itself  in  the  things  of  God. 
*  Is  it  reason  that  we  should  leave  the  word  of 
God  and  serve  tables  ?'  Therefore  deacons 
were  appointed  even  to  provide  for  the  bodily 
relief  of  the  poor  of  the  church  ;  while  '  we,' 
says  the  apostle,  ^  give  ourselves  to  prayer  and 
the  ministry  of  the  word.' 

In  vain  the  husband  labours  and  gains,  if 
you,  in  your  ill  housewifery,  are  wilfully  ex- 
pensive ;  or  negligently  profuse  ;  or  ignorantly 
wasteful.  '  Every  wise  woman  buildeth  her 
house  ;  but  the  foolish  plucketh  it  down  with 
her  hands.'  Let  nothing  deprive  you  of  the 
commendation  :  '  She  looketh  well  to  the  ways 
of  her  household,  and  eateth  not  the  bread  of 
idleness.'  What  is  the  cleverness  of  a  female 
showing  away  out  of  her  sphere  of  duty  ?  what 
is  a  sprightly  wit  ?  a  smartness  in  conversation  ? 
an  epistolary  talent  ?  or  a  smattering  of  the 
languages  ?     Will  these  raise  and  recommend 


196  THE  DUTIES   OF 

a  woman  in  the  midst  of  a  neglected,  ill-man- 
aged, disordered,  sinking  family  ? 

Despise  not  a  little  knowledge  of  arithmetic 
— some  accomplishments  may  be  much  less 
useful.  Shun  arrears.  Be  regular  in  demand- 
ing, and  punctual  in  discharging  your  weekly 
accounts.  If  you  commanded  abundance,  the 
scripture  would  say  to  you,  '  Gather  up  the 
fragments,  that  nothing  be  lost ;'  and  there  are 
many  purposes  to  which  the  fruit  of  frugality 
may  be  applied  ;  but  how  absolutely  indispen- 
sable must  inspection  and  strictness  be,  where 
the  resources  to  be  managed  are  limited ! 

It  is  not  necessary  that  your  husband  should 
appear  as  a  gentleman,  and  awaken  feelings 
of  rivalship  in  civil  things  among  his  people, 
or  neighbours.  Never  remind  him  of  the  su- 
perior circumstances  of  others,  or  urge  him 
even  indirectly  to  live  beyond  his  means  ;  and 
judge  of  these,  not  by  his  occasional,  but  ex- 
pected income.  Exercise  every  kind  of  self- 
denial,  rather  than  see  him  involved.  How 
trying  to  his  feelings  to  be  reduced  to  the 
difficulty  of  borrowing  !  How  reproachful, 
while  calling  upon  others  to  provide  things 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  197 

honest,  not  only  in  the  sight  of  the  Lord,  but 
also  in  the  sight  of  men,  to  incur  the  suspicion 
of  being  unrighteous  himself  I'  How  can  he 
preach  at  all,  with  pleasure  or  freedom,  though 
others  may  as  yet  be  ignorant,  while  he  is 
conscious  of  legal  claims  ready  to  be  visited 
upon  him. 

And  here  you  are  to  display  your  economy. 
You  are  not  to  regard  this  as  a  low,  mean 
thing,  fit  only  for  the  vulgar.  Solomon  char- 
acterizes his  virtuous  w^oman,  though  in  high 
life,  principally  by  simplicity,  diligence,  regu- 
larity, and  domestic  management :  and  in  these 
the  ancient  Greeks  and  Romans  placed  much 
of  female  worth  and  excellence. 

But  what  is  economy  ?  It  is  not  '  the  stop- 
ping of  one  hole  in  the  sieve.'  It  is  not  a 
particular  retrenchment,  or  an  occasional  sav- 
ing. It  is  not  the  pinching  of  the  servants, 
and  stinting  the  family  one  week,  to  give  a 
showy  dinner  the  next.  It  is  a  mode  of  regu- 
lation that  eyes  the  whole  detail  of  household 
expense.  It  is  the  art,  not  of  sordid  saving, 
but  of  making  a  little  go  a  great  way  way.  It 
eludes  meanness,  as  well  as  waste.    Stinginess 


198  THE  DUTIES  OF 

is  one  extreme,  profuseness  is  another.  Tliere 
is  a  steering  between  them :  but  this  is  not 
easy  ;  and  it  requires  the  judgment  and  skill 
which  some  females  seem  to  exercise  by  a 
kind  of  intuition  or  instinct :  so  that  they  al- 
ways appear  to  advantage  ;  unembarrassed  ; 
unconfused  ;  ready,  without  haste  ;  deciding, 
as  if  without  design  ;  and  while  causing  every 
thing  to  move  in  its  proper  time  and  place, 
keeping  the  mechanism  of  the  process  invisible 
— for  the  perfection  of  art  is  to  conceal  art. 

An  attention  to  his  health  of  body.  This 
in  his  case  is  peculiarly  important.  It  is  not 
only  the  source  of  his  comfort  and  enjoyment, 
but  it  is  essential  to  his  usefulness.  What 
confusion  and  disappointment  result  from  the 
sickness  or  indisposition  of  one  on  whose  min- 
istrations such  numbers  depend  :  for  '  his  lips 
feed  many.'  Paul  does  not  think  it  beneath 
him  to  watch  over  the  health  of  Timothy  ;  and 
to  prescribe  for  him  like  a  physician  ;  '  Drink 
no  longer  water,  but  use  a  little  wine  for  thy 
stomach's  sake,  and  thine  often  infirmities.' 

Study  therefore  your  husband's  constitutional 
liableness  to  injury ;    not  to  render  him  soft^ 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  199 

and  effeminate,  and  fanciful,  but  cautious,  and 
to  aid  him  in  the  regulation  of  his  mode  of 
living,  as  to  sleep,  and  diet,  and  exercise.  You 
need  not  be  afraid  of  propei^  application  and 
exertion.  These,  instead  of  injaring  the  health, 
conduce  to  it.  They  give  circulation  to  the 
fluids,  and  prevent  the  evils  of  stagnation  : 
they  hinder  the  rust  of  the  mind,  and  keep  the 
powers  polished,  and  easy  of  motion.  But 
there  may  be  an  overdoing.  The  machine 
may  be  over-worked.  You  will  be,  perhaps, 
by  your  constant  and  intimate  observation,  the 
best  judge  of  the  degree  of  labour  to  which  he 
is  equal.  You  will  not  be  ignorant  of  his  im- 
paired digestion,  his  perturbed  rest,  his  trem- 
bling nerves,  his  depressed  spirits,  his  exhausted 
frame,  and  the  low  ebb  of  vigour  when  the 
Sabbath  is  gone,  and  the  Monday  sees  him  not 
living,*  but  existing  only.  And  you  must  not 
neglect  to  sound  the  timely  alarm.  And  if 
zeal,  without  knowledge  or  feeling,  still  urges 
the  same  unremitting  efforts  ;  and  tells  him 
he  cannot  die  in  a  better  cause  :  if  his  spiritual 
task-masters  require  the  same  tale  of  bricks  :  if 
the  three  services  of  the  day  must  still  be  exact- 


200  THE  DUTIES  OF 

ed  from  wasting  strength  yet  growing  anxiety 
— his  blood  will  be  upon  the  heads  of  his  cruel 
murderers :  but  you  have  delivered  your  soul. 
An  attention  to  his  peace  of  mind.  We 
have  met  with  some  members  of  churches, 
who  kindly  think  that  affliction  and  depression 
are  best  for  a  minister.  We  are  almost  asham- 
ed to  use  a  coarse  and  unfeeling  proverb  among 
them,  quite  worthy,  however,  of  the  employers, 
and  since  we  are  not  in  the  pulpit,  let  it  come 
out :  '  That  the  preacher  never  preaches  so 
well  as  when  the  cow  has  trod  upon  his  foot.^ 
Yet  it  never  seems  to  strike  these  cold,  calcu- 
lating reasoners,  that  they,  as  hearers,  may  be 
benefited  themselves  by  a  similar  experience  ! 
But  if  domestic  distress  be  desirable  for  the 
improvement  of  the  preacher,  so  may  any  other 
kind  of  rueful  probation  :  and  if  the  physcian, 
in  order  to  perfect  him  in  his  art,  is  to  go 
through  all  the  complaints  for  which  he  pre- 
scribes, he  will  have  neither  time  nor  ability 
to  practise.  To  dismiss  this  delicate  figure,  I 
hope  my  brother's  '  fair  heifer'  will  not  achieve 
this  species  of  service  for  him.  I  am  sure  she 
will  not.     I  am  sure  she  will  encourage  him. 


THE   WIFE   OF   A  MINISTER.  201 

And  he  will  require  every  favourable  ex- 
citement. His  work  is  arduous.  He  has  trials 
in  common  with  men  ;  and  he  has  trials  in 
common  with  his  fellow  Christians  :  but  he 
has  also  various  trials  peculiar  to  himself ;  and 
you  will  best  know  this.  You,  indeed  even 
you,  will  not  know  all  his  heart's  bitterness  : 
but  you  will  hear  enough,  see  enough,  to  con- 
vince you  that  he,  whose  office  it  is  to  comfort 
others,  needs  no  little  consolation  himself  And 
your  smiles  can  rainbow  the  cloud  of  grief. 
Your  soft  hand  can  smooth  the  WTinkles  of  his 
oppressed  brow.  Your  gentle  words,  like  the 
fanning  of  an  angel's  wing,  can  cool  the  heatful 
anguish  of  the  mind.  Your  kind  management 
(a  woman  is  never  at  a  loss  where  comfort  is 
called  for)  can  withdraw  a  distracting  train  of 
thought,  and  substitute  cheerful  imagery.  You 
can  remind  him  of  instances  of  usefulness,  when 
he  is  complaining,  '  I  have  laboured  in  vain, 
and  spent  my  strength  for  nought.'  In  his 
doubts  and  fears,  with  regard  to  his  own  spir- 
itual condition,  and  to  such  he  is  liable,  you 
can  be  the  wife  of  IManoah,  who  said,  '  If  the 
Lord  were  pleased  to  kill  us,  he  would  not 

AS 


202  THE  DUTIES   OP 

have  received  an  offering  at  our  hand  ;  nor 
have  shown  us  such  things  as  these.'  If  among 
his  people  he  meets  with  mortifying  defections^ 
in  such  as  should  prove  a  comfort  to  him,  he 
will  find  one  tried  and  faithful  bosoln  in  which 
he  can  safely  repose.  If  he  has  storms  abroad, 
peace  will  be  always  awaiting  him  at  home  ' 
and  he  will  always  enjoy  a  resource  in  that 
unfailing  good  temper 


Wliose  unclouded  ray 


Can  make  to-niorrnw  cheerful  as  to-day.' 

You  will,  indeed,  be  every  way  anxious  to 
render  his  own  abode,  not  only  the  tabernacle 
of  the  righteous,  but  the  dwelling-place  of  ten- 
derness and  comfort.  In  this,  his  safety  as 
well  as  his  satisfaction  will  be  much  concerned. 
We  have  known  not  only  men,  but  ministers^ 
who  have  fallen  by  temptation :  and  though 
we  by  no  means  wish  to  justify  or  extenuate 
their  conduct,  it  is  no  secret,  that  in  some  in- 
stances, at  least,  there  has  been  little  domestic 
happiness  and  attraction.  What  attraction  can 
there  be  in  sullenness  ?  or  in  peevishness  ?  or 
in  clamour  ?  '  Better  is  a  dry  morsel  and 
quietness  therewith,  than  a  house  full  of  sacrl- 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  203 

jfices  with  strife.'  '  It  is  better  to  dwell  in  a 
corner  of  the  house-top,  than  with  a  brawling 
woman  in  a  wide  house.'  *  A  continual  drop- 
ping in  a  rainy  day,  and  a  contentious  woman, 
are  alike.  Whoso  hideth  her,  hideth  the  wind, 
and  the  ointment  of  his  right  hand  that  be- 
wrayeth  itself.'  What  attraction  can  there  be 
in  negligence,  disorder,  slatternliness  ?  A  dis- 
regard of  propriety,  and  especially  neatness  of 
apparel,  is  in  a  female  a  fault  that  nothing  can 
expiate.  Even  religion  will  not  excuse  it. 
There  is  a  greater  connexion  between  mental 
and  outward  purity  than  some  are  aware  of. 
A  female  may  be  always  judged  of  by  her 
dress.  The  founders  of  Methodism  were  ac- 
customed to  say,  that  cleanliness  was  next  to 
godliness.  I  have  known  a  few  exceptions  to 
this,  in  men.  I  never  knew  one  in  a  woman. 
Rely  not  too  much  on  the  rights  of  relation- 
ship, however  intimate  the  connexion  may  be, 
and  however  endeared  it  ought  to  be.  In 
preserving  and  keeping  alive  attachment,  you 
must  not  absolutely  depend  upon  the  impres- 
sions that  awakened  it.  A  woman  is  not  to 
presume  on  the  certainty  of  homage,  regardless 


204  THE  DUTIES  OF 

of  an  attention  to  her  manners.  She  is  not^ 
as  soon  as  she  has  stepped  over  the  threshold 
of  marriage,  to  drop  the  dehcacy,  the  decencies, 
the  engaging  appearance  by  which  she  attract- 
ed the  lov^er.  Men  are  ver)-  selfish  beings. 
They  have  very  little  of  your  disinterested 
feelings.  You  must  not  suffer,  with  them, 
your  amiableness  to  fail.  And  how  is  esteem 
to  be  preserved,  even  when  the  fervour  of 
affection  declines  ?  You  cannot  dream  of  per- 
petual admiration.  The  roses  and  carnations 
are  for  the  summer  months.  What  provision 
is  there  for  winter  ?  What  woman  is  the  most 
universally  valued  ?  The  domestic.  And 
for  your  encouragement  be  assured,  that  the 
more  religious  men  are  in  their  feelings,  and 
the  more  improved  in  their  understandings, 
the  more  certainly  will  they  be  attached  to 
domestic  life  ;  always  having  an  abundance 
of  entertainments  in  private  and  tranquil  scenes, 
unknown  to  the  vulgar  and  the  dissipated. 

An  attention  to  his  official  ministrations. 
On  these,  I  need  not  say,  you  will  be  sure  to 
attend  regularly,  when  it  is  in  your  power. 
But  for  this  purpose  you  must   value  them. 


THE  WIFE   OF  A   MINISTER.  205 

And  here  you  are  likely  to  feel  some  difficul- 
ties peculiar  to  your  situation.  A  sage  has 
said,  '  Domestic  greatness  is  unattainable.' 
The  Saviour  testifies  that  '  a  prophet  is  not 
without  honour,  save  in  his  own  country,  and 
in  his  own  house.'  And  if  this  applied  in  a 
measure  even  to  himself,  it  will  bear  in  an  un- 
speakably greater  degree  on  all  his  imperfect 
servants.  Distance  diminishes  and  conceals 
defects ;  while  nearness  discovers  and  enlarges 
them.  If  familiarity  does  not  breed  contempt, 
it  reduces  veneration,  and  injures  many  kinds 
of  impression.  A  husband  must  be  a  very 
consistent  character,  and  be  known  to  act  al- 
ways from  principle,  to  enable  a  wife  to  feel 
under  his  services,  as  under  those  of  a  stranger, 
whose  excellences  only,  she  has  heard  of,  while 
she  is  ignorant  of  the  failings  that  would  shade 
them  —  and  such  we  allow  a  husband  who  is 
a  minister  ought  to  be  :  but  even  when  he  is 
such,  though  he  will  be  essentially,  he  cannot 
be  circumstantially  the  same  always.  He  can- 
not be  constantly  in  his  robes.  It  would  be 
affectation  to  attempt  to  keep  up  always  the 
formal  dignity  of  his  pulpit  exercises.     Yea,  it 


206  THE   DUTIES   OF 

would  be  absurd  even  to  distinguish  himself  in 
the  ordinary  actions  and  manners  of  life.  He 
cannot  be  the  preacher  only  ;  he  must  also 
appear  the  man,  the  companion,  the  father : 

'  And  he  will   not  blush,  that  has  a  father's  heart, 
To  take  in  childish  things  a  childish  part.' 

But  hence  an  effort  will  be  necessary,  to  see, 
under  all  these  common  and  familiar  append- 
ages of  humanity,  to  recognize  in  one  of  like 
passions  with  yourself,  and  compassed  about 
with  infirmities,  the  man  of  God,  the  messenger 
of  Heaven,  the  herald  of  salvation  ;  to  value 
the  treasure  as  divine,  though  you  know  that 
it  is  contained  in  an  earthen  vessel  ;  and  to 
receive  his  word,  '  not  as  the  word  of  man,  but 
as  it  is  in  truth  the  word  of  God,  that  worketh 
effectually  in  them  tliat  believe.' 

An  attention  to  his  usefulness.  I  do  not 
mean  that  you  should  aid  him  in  making  his 
sermons  :  he  ought  to  be  able  to  make  these 
himself;  (neither  should  he  steal  his  words 
from  his  neighbour)  but  you  may  be  a  help- 
mate to  him,  as  to  his  personal  religion  ;  and 
need  we  say  how  much  of  the  facility,  and 
excellence,  and  success  of  his  work,  as  a  min- 


THE   WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER.  207 

ister,  will  depend  upon  the  spirituality  of  his 
mind,  and  the  devoutness  of  his  heart !  You 
may  remind  him  of  his  engagements.  You 
may  excite  him  to  dihgence  in  his  holy  calling ; 
especially  in  those  parts  of  it  that  draw  forth 
less  notice  and  praise. 

Wherever  he  is  found,  he  ought  to  be  use- 
ful ;  and  difilising  the  savour  of  the  Redeemer's 
knowledge  in  every  place.  Be  not,  therefore, 
illiberal  and  selfish  with  regard  to  his  company. 
He  ought  to  be  a  lover  of  home,  and  not  to 
be  disposed  to  spend  his  evenings  abroad  ;  for 
ihey  are  seasons  not  only  the  most  valuable  to 
himself,  but  the  most  free  and  favoured  to  a 
female  engaged  in  the  affairs  of  a  household 
but  sometimes  he  must  be  preaching  abroad. 
As  to  his  civil  visits,  I  hope  he  will  never  ac- 
cept of  an  invitation  in  which  you  are  not  in- 
cluded :  but  circumstances  may  render  it  prop^ 
er  for  him  to  go,  when  you  cannot  accompany 
him  ;  and  in  such  cases  you  will  not  wish  to 
restrain  him.  Above  all,  you  will  not  complain 
of  his  absence,  when  you  know  that  he  is  not 
idling  away  his  time  in  lounging  calls  and  gos-- 
siping  talk,  but  is  sedulously  engaged  in  his 


208  THE  DUTIES  OF 

Study.  While  he  is  endeavouring  to  do  justice 
to  his  intended  subjects,  and  resolved  not  to 
offer  to  the  Lord  that  which  costs  him  nothing, 
you  will  even  aid  his  people  and  the  public, 
by  doing  all  in  your  power  to  secure  him  from 
the  disturbance  of  thoughtless  intruders. 

A  long-standing  connexion  does  credit  both 
to  the  pastor  and  the  church  :  but  ministers 
become,  not  unfrequently,  uneasy,  and  as  the 
expression  is,  moveable.  It  has  been  supposed 
by  some,  that  there  is  an  unusual  number  of 
these  moveables  in  our  day  :  and  hence  the 
late  Andrew  Fuller,  by  a  rough,  but  striking 
metaphor,  observed,  in  a  letter  published  since 
his  death,  that  many  of  our  modern  preachers 
seemed  stung  by  the  gad-fly.  I  fear  that  this 
powerful  stinger  is  sometimes  a  near  relation. 
Not  that  I  throw  the  blame  always  upon  the 
wife — we  know  the  composition  of  many  min- 
isters too  well :  but  we  also  have  seen  enough 
occasionally  on  her  side,  to  justify  our  admon- 
ishing you  to  beware  of  an  unsettled  and  roving 
spirit  ;  or  of  becoming  too  sensitive  to  the  dif- 
ficulties that  may  arise  in  your  husband's  resi- 
dence. 


THE   WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER.  209 

In  every  situation  there  are  trials.  We  are 
acquainted  with  those  in  our  present  circum- 
stances, and  they  press  us  ;  but  those  of  a  new 
condition  are  unfelt,  and  even  unknown  :  yet 
they  may  be  equally,  and  even  more  numerous 
and  painful.  When  a  man  changes  often, 
there  is  danger  of  his  getting,  not  only  the 
character,  but  the  habit  of  a  chans:elinor :  and 
a  rolling  stone  gains  no  moss  :  and  a  tree  al- 
ways transplanting  cannot  radicate  so  as  to  be 
firm,  vigorous,  and  fruitful.  We  have  known 
ministers,  who,  yielding  to  mistaken  views,  or 
present  impressions,  have  stepped  out  of  their 
place  ;  and  left  not  only  their  comfort,  but 
their  usefulness  behind  them.  Take  heed, 
therefore,  how  you  in  any  way  contribute  to 
this  evil.  You  should  hardly  let  your  prefer- 
ence, if  you  have  one,  be  known,  even  to  your 
husband,  while  he  is  endeavouring  sincerely  to 
ascertain  what  the  will  of  God  is,  concerning  him. 

His  reputation,  too,  will  affect  his  usefulness. 
And  how  much  does  this  depend  upon  you ! 
From  your  affection  you  will  be  eager  to  extol 
him,  and  perhaps  be  angry  with  those  who  do 
not  join  in  your  partial  applause.     But  let 


210  THE   DUTIES   OF 

me  whisper  a  more  excellent  way.  In  the 
Protestant  churches  of  Hungary,  they  degrade 
from  his  office  the  pastor,  whose  wife  indulges 
herself  in  cards,  dancing,  or  any  public  amuse- 
ment, that  bespeaks  a  lover  of  the  world,  rather 
than  a  Christian  matron.  This  severity  springs 
from  the  supposition,  that  he  should  not  have 
chosen  such  a  consort ;  or  that  she,  having 
promised  obedience,  would  not  thus  act  without 
his  approbation  or  permission.  If  no  law  of 
this  kind  is  known  among  us,  the  spirit  of  it  is 
commonly  felt  and  expressed.  Ministers  are 
always  in  a  measure  blamed  for  the  defects 
and  faults  of  their  wives :  the  very  pity  that  is 
sometimes  kindly  expressed  on  their  behalf,  is 
constructively  a  sort  of  censure.  He  who  acts 
imprudently  and  improperly  in  one  case,  espe- 
cially if  it  be  a  matter  of  importance,  will  be 
judged  of  by  it,  in  other  things,  perhaps  in  all. 
It  is  often  said,  that  ministers,  though  they 
have  the  best  opportunities  of  selection,  and 
are  under  the  greatest  obligations  to  make  a 
wise  choice,  are  commonly  betrayed  into  alli- 
ances the  most  ineligible.  The  reflection  is 
not  a  little  invidious  j  and  is  by  far  too  general. 


THE   WIFE   OF   A   MINISTER.  211 

I  have  the  happiness  of  knowing  many  most 
agreeable  and  very  important  exceptions.  And 
I  am  fully  persuaded  that  you,  my  respected 
friend,  will  be  a  striking  addition  to  the  num- 
ber. You  have  it  in  your  power  to  be  so  : 
you  have  it  in  your  disposition.  It  is  your 
aim,  and  it  will  be  your  attainment,  to  dignify 
your  station,  and  reflect  honour  on  the  judg- 
ment, taste,  and  piety  of  your  husband. 

And  be  encouraged  to  go  forward.  You 
will  not  lose  your  reward.  You  may  not  make 
a  splendid  figure  in  history.  You  must  not 
expect,  though  so  closely  related  to  him,  to 
gain  the  same  distinction  and  notice  as  a  pop- 
ular minister  will  obtain.  While  he  is  exalted 
by  his  office,  you  are  left  to  move  chiefly  in 
scenes  of  comparative  privacy.  Your  duties 
are  regular,  sober,  unstriking ;  and  furnish  few 
materials  for  common  panegyric.  Yet  even 
this  very  seeming  disadvantage  turns  to  your 
account.  It  serves  to  raise  your  worth  ;  and 
to  promote  and  display  the  purity  of  your  mo- 
tive. You  can  go  on  with  patient  continuance 
in  well  doing,  without  the  excitement  of  pub- 
licity, or  the  claps  of  the  multitude. 


5J12  THE  DUTIES   OF 

Nor  will  you  be  always  undistinguished. 
Your  day  is  coming.  You  will  share  in  the 
revelation  of  Jesus  Christ,  when  every  one  will 
have  praise  of  God  according  to  their  concern 
to  please  him,  and  not  according  to  the  present 
distributions  of  fame.  And  even  now  you  are 
proving  what  is  that  good  and  acceptable  and 
perfect  will  of  God.  Even  now,  your  duties 
are  all  important  and  indispensable.  Even 
now,  in  the  convictions  of  reason  and  wisdom, 
you  are  approved  and  ennobled.  The  heart 
of  your  husband  safely  trusts  in  you  ;  so  that 
he  hath  no  need  of  spoil :  you  will  do  him 
good,  and  not  evil,  all  the  days  of  your  life. 
Your  children  will  rise  up  and  call  you  blessed. 
Your  domestics  will  thank  God  that  even  th-ey 
came  under  your  kind  and  pious  care.  Your 
neighbours  will  commend  you.  The  church 
and  all  your  religious  connexions  will  honour 
and  love  you.  And  God,  even  your  own  God, 
will  bless  you.  He  who  has  redeemed  you 
by  the  death  of  his  Son,  and  has  called  you 
by  his  grace  :  He  to  whom  you  have  dedicated 
yourself,  both  in  single  and  social  life,  saying, 
Lord,  I  am  thine,  save  me  —  He  keeps  a  book 


THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER.  213 

of  remembrance  :  He  forgets  not  your  work  of 
faith  and  labour  of  love  :  He  accepts  you  and 
your  services  in  the  Beloved  ;  and  in  his  favour 
your  horn  shall  be  exalted. 

And  this  consolatory  assurance,  my  esteemed 
friend,  you  will  need.  Your  station  has,  in- 
deed, its  advantages,  which  it  would  be  un- 
grateful to  overlook.  Your  intellectual,  moral, 
and  spiritual  privileges  are  above  those  of  many. 
You  have  frequent  access  to  edifying  company. 
You  have  the  entertainment  and  profit  of  books. 
You  have  the  habitual  presence  of  one  whose 
lips  keep  knowledge.  His  education  and  ac- 
quisitions prepare  him  for  instructive  and  im- 
proving conversation.  His  function  calls  him 
to  a  regular  life,  exempt  from  the  bustle  and 
competitions  of  the  world  ;  and  is  every  way 
friendly  to  virtue  and  sensibility.  His  employ- 
ment and  his  studies  tend  to  soften,  and  refine, 
and  elevate  his  mind  :  while  the  extreme  value 
of  character  to  his  profession,  is  a  spur  to  ex- 
cellency, and  a  pledge  of  good  deportment. 
You  have  the  honour  of  being  connected,  not 
only  with  a  man  of  grace,  but  '  a  man  of  God  ;' 
not  only  with  one  who  serves  him,  but  serves 


214  THE  DUTIES  OP 

at  the  altar ;  and  fills  an  office,  as  a  preacher 
of  the  gospel,  which  an  angel  might  be  induced 
to  envy. 

But  the  honour  and  the  advantages  have 
their  counterbalancings.  1  hope  you  have 
counted  the  cost ;  and  instead  of  complaining 
of  the  difficulties  before  you,  are  determined 
to  be  the  more  circumspect ;  and  the  more 
prayerful ;  constantly  seeking  fresh  supplies 
of  that  grace  which  alone  is  sufficient  for  you 
in  all  your  duties,  and  in  all  your  trials. 

And  trials  you  must  not  expect  to  escape. 
From  envy  or  ignorance  you  may  often  be 
misjudged  and  misrepresented :  for  persons 
who  act  upon  principle,  especially  in  peculiar 
situations,  cannot  be  comprehended  by  those, 
*  who  w^alk  as  men  ;'  and  people  are  always 
more  ready  to  be  censorious  than  to  be  candid.' 
in  what  they  do  not  understand.  Nothing  is 
more  uncertain  than  the  applause  of  the  reli- 
gious multitude.  Your  husband,  now  caressed, 
may  be  neglected.  His  place,  now  crowded, 
may  be  thinned  of  its  attendants  by  one  far  his 
inferior — unless  in  novelty,  and  lungs.  Some 
Diotrephes  may  love  to  liave  the  pre-eminence, 


THE  WIFE   OF  A  MINISTER,  215 

and  prate  against  him  with  malicious  words. 
A  perverse  spirit  may  be  mingled  in  the  midst 
of  a  peaceful  people.  The  Antinomian  leaven 
may  corrupt  the  purity,  and  mar  the  prosperity 
of  the  church.  And  at  the  discovery  of  his 
perplexity  and  distress,  a  sword  also  may  pierce 
through  your  own  soul. 

The  calling  of  your  husband  exposes  him 
to  temptations  ;  and  he  may  be  injured  by 
them.  He  may  yield  to  vain  imaginations, 
and  high  thoughts,  tliat  exalt  themselves  ;  and 
give  up  the  simplicity  there  is  in  Christ  Jesus. 
If  he  does  not  embrace  dangerous  en^ors,  he 
may  be  enticed  into  some  peculiarities,  and 
injure  his  influence  by  some  religious  freaks 
and  vagaries.  He  may  be  found  among  the 
prophets.  Instead  of  preaching  repentance 
towards  God,  and  faith  towards  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ ;  and  having  a  word  in  season  for  him 
that  is  weary :  he  may  employ  himself  in 
breaking  open  the  seals,  and  blowing  the 
trumpets,  and  pouring  out  the  vials  of  the 
Apocalypse.  The  spiritual  man  may  be  mad. 
Popular  applause  (for  as  the  fining-pot  for  sil- 
ver, and  the  furnace  for  gold,  so  is  a  man  to 


216  THE  DUTIES   OF 

his  praise)  may  elevate  him  into  pride  and 
arrogance.  Entertained  and  idohzed  as  a  very 
agreeable  and  clever  companion,  he  may  grow 
weary  of  the  tameness  of  ordinary  life  ;  and 
disrelish  home  ;  and  leave  you  to  serve  alone 
in  the  cares  of  a  rising  family.  I  dare  not 
suppose  any  thing  further  ;  yet  what  changes 
have  we  witnessed  in  a  course  of  years  !  Lord, 
what  is  man  ! 

But  it  cannot  be  concealed  that  he  is  frail 
and  mortal.  You  may  have  to  pray,  '  Lord, 
behold  he  whom  Thou  lovest  is  sick.'  You 
may  be  called  to  the  trying  alternative  of  leav- 
ing a  helpless  babe,  to  accompany  the  father 
who  journeys  for  health.  You  may  have  to 
watch  at  the  side  of  the  couch  of  infirmity, 
and  of  the  bed  of  languishing.  You  may  have 
to  faint  at  the  stillness  of  a  dying  hour  ;  and 
only  revive  to  learn  that  the  guide  of  your 
youth,  the  arm  of  your  support,  the  comforter 
that  should  relieve  you  soul,  is  gone  ;  and  the 
place  that  once  knew  him,  will  know  him  no 
more  forever ;  his  usual  seat ;  his  favourite 
walk  ;  the  sacred  desk  where  yet  his  image 
seems  to  dwell  — 


THE  WIFE  OP  A   MINISTER.  217 

You  may  not  only  be  left  a  widow.  You 
may  be  surrounded  with  bereaved  children  ; 
and  have  to  stniggle  with  hardships — perhaps 
penury — perhaps  neglect.  Perhaps  you  may 
be  destined,  like  many  who  have  gone  before 
you,  to  learn  by  experience  the  little  posthu- 
mous generosity  and  kindness  there  is,  towards 
the  remnants  of  those  who  have  worn  out  life 
in  the  service  of  the  religious  public.  '  Is 
this  Naomi  ?'  '  Call  me  not  Naomi  ;  call  me 
Marah  ;  for  the  Almighty  hath  dealt  very  bit- 
terly with  me.     I  w^nt  out  full  — ' 

Yet  some  true  friendship  wull  be  found. 
Some  will  show  kindness  to  his  house  for  Jon- 
athan's sake.  There  are  the  grey-headed, 
who  are  saying,  '  I  have  been  young  and  now 
am  old,  yet  I  have  never  seen  the  righteous 
forsaken,  nor  his  seed  begging  bread.  Even 
in  the  cloudy  and  dark  day,  when  the  eye 
pours  out  tears  unto  God,  he  will  be  your 
refuge  and  strength  ;  a  very  present  help  in 
trouble.  Your  departed  friend,  when  dying, 
heard  him  say,  though  you  could  not :  '  Leave 
thy  fatherless  children,  I  will  preserve  them 
alive  ;  and  let  thy  widow  trust  in  me.'  And 
19 


*J^8  THE  WIFE  OF  A  MINISTER. 

He  is  faithful  who  promised.  Lean  upon  his 
word,  and  you  shall  find  him  to  be  a  '  Father 
of  the  fatherless,  and  a  judge  of  the  widows  in 
his  holy  habitation.' 

And  if,  while  feeling  the  attraction  of  your 
now  glorified  partner,  who  is  waiting  to  receive 
you  to  himself,  you  should  yet  linger  long  in 
this  vale  of  tears.  He  who  has  delivered  will 
deliver.  He  will  guide  you  with  his  counsel ; 
and  when  you  approach  the  end  of  your  jour- 
ney, He  will  hear  your  prayer  of  faith  :  '  Cast 
me  not  off  in  the  time  of  old  age,  forsake  me 
not  whea  my  strength  faileth.  Thou,  who 
hast  shown  me  great  and  sore  troubles,  shalt 
.  quicken  me  again  ;  and  bring  me  up  again 
from  the  dust  of  the  earth.  Thou  shalt  in- 
crease my  greatness,  and  comfort  me  on  every 
side.'     '  And  the  days  of  thy  mourning 


DOMESTIC    HAPPINESS. 


Psalm  cxviii.  15. 

The  voice  of  rejoicing  is  in  the  tabernacles  of  the  righteous. 

Nothing  can  more  usefully  engage  our  at- 
tention than  Human  Nature  and  Human  Life. 
^  The  proper  study  of  mankind  is  Man.'  His 
origin  and  his  end  ;  the  structure  of  his  body 
and  the  powers  of  his  mind  ;  his  situation  and 
his  connexions  ;  are  all  capable  of  yielding  us 
boundless  and  edifying  instruction. 

In  observing  mankind,  the  private  and  fa- 
miliar views  of  their  character  are  by  far  the 
most  curious,  interesting,  and  profitable.  The 
greater  part  of  our  history  is  composed  of  mi- 
nute and  common  incidents  :  and  little  and 
ordinary  things  serve  more  to  discover  a  man, 
and  conduce  more  to  render  him  useful,  than 
splendid  and  rare  occurrences.    Abroad,  a  man 


220  DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS. 

appears  cautious  ;  at  home,  he  is  unreserved. 
Abroad,  he  is  artificial ;  at  home,  he  is  real. 
Abroad,  he  is  serviceable  ;  at  home,  he  is 
necessary.  And  of  this  we  may  be  fully  as- 
sured, that  a  man  is  in  truth  what  he  is  in  his 
own  family  ;  whether  vicious  or  virtuous,  ty- 
rannical or  mild,  miserable  or  happy. 

My  brethren,  we  are  going  to  enter  one  of 
those  houses,  of  which  David  speaks  —  a  tab- 
ernacle '  filled  with  the  voice  of  rejoicing.' 

Domestic  felicity  is  our  present  subject. 
Let  us  consider  two  things  :  the  importance, 
and  the  source  of  this  happiness. 

I.  What  may  be  said  in  commendation 

OF  IT. 

II.  What  will  be  necessary  to  the 
possession  of  it. 

O  Thou,  who  hast  said,  '  It  is  not  good  for 
man  to  be  alone,'  '  God  of  the  families  of  all 
the  earth,'  may  thy  secret  be  upon  our  taber- 
nacles. Under  the  influence  of  thy  providence 
and  grace,  may  we  derive  from  our  unions  all 
the  blessedness  they  are  capable  of  affording  : 
and,  to  this  end,  guide  and  sanctify  our  medi- 
tations. 


DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS.  221 

I.  One  of  the  most  agreeable  scenes  we 
can  ever  survey  upon  earth,  is  a  peaceful  and 
happy  family  :  where  friendship  comes  in  to 
draw  more  closely  the  bonds  of  nature ;  where 
the  individuals  resemble  the  huma«  body,  and 
if  one  member  suffer,  all  the  members  suffer 
with  it,  and  if  one  member  be  honoured,  all 
the  members  rejoice  ;  where  every  care  is 
divided,  every  sorrow  diminished,  every  joy 
redoubled,  by  discovery,  by  sympathy,  by 
communion ;  where  mutual  confidence  prevails, 
and  advice,  consolation,  and  succour  are  re- 
ciprocally given  and  received.  To  such  a 
sight  God  himself  calls  our  attention.  ^  Be- 
hold how  good  and  pleasant  a  thing  it  is  for 
brethren  to  dwell  together  in  unity  I'  Some 
things  are  good,  but  not  pleasant ;  and  some 
things  are  pleasant,  but  not  good.  Here  both 
are  combined  ;  and  the  effect  is  fi'agrant  as  the 
sacred  perfume,  and  reviving  as  the  influences 
of  Heaven.  '  It  is  like  the  precious  ointment 
upon  the  head,  that  ran  down  upon  the  beard, 
even  Aaron's  beard  ;  that  went  down  to  the 
skirts  of  his  garments  ;  as  the  dew  of  Hermon, 
and  as  the  dew  that  descended  upon  the  moun- 


222  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS. 

tains  of  Zlon  :  for  there  the  Lord  commanded 
his  blessing,  even  hfe  forevermore.'  Let  us 
establish  the  importance  of  domestic  happi- 
ness, by  taking  some  particular  views  of  its 
connexions  and  influence. 

And,  First,  We  may  consider  it  in  reference 
to  our  AVOCATIONS  and  cares.  These  are 
numerous  and  diversified,  and  demand  relaxa- 
tion and  relief.  Who  could  endure  perpetual 
drudgery  and  fatigue  ?  and  what  so  refreshing, 
so  soothing,  so  satisfying,  as  the  placid  joys  of 
home ! 

See  the  traveller.  Does  duty  call  him  for  a 
season  to  leave  his  beloved  circle  ?  The  im- 
age of  his  earthly  happiness  continues  vividly 
in  his  remembrance  ;  it  quickens  him  to  dili- 
gence ;  it  cheers  him  under  difficulties  ;  it 
makes  him  hail  the  hour  which  sees  his  pur- 
pose accomplished,  and  his  face  turned  towards 
home  ;  it  communes  with  him  as  he  journeys  ; 
and  he  hears  the  promise  which  causes  him  to 
hope,  *  Thou  shalt  know  also  that  thy  taber- 
nacle shall  be  in  peace  ;  and  thou  shalt  visit 
thy  habitation,  and  not  sin.'  Oh,  the  joyful 
re-union  of  a  divided  family  ;   the  pleasures  of 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  223 

renewed  interview  and  conversation,  after  days 
of  absence  ! 

Behold  the  man  of  science.  He  drops  the 
labour  and  painfulness  of  research,  closes  his 
volume,  smooths  his  wrinkled  brows,  leaves 
his  study,  and  unbending  himself,  stoops  to  the 
capacities,  yields  to  the  wishes,  and  mingles 
with  the  diversions  of  his  children.     And 

'He  will  not  blush  that  has  a  father's  heart, 

To  take  in  childish  jilay  a  childish  part; 

But  bends  his  sturdy  back  to  any  toy 

That  youth  takes  pleasure  in,  to  please  his  boy.' 

Take  the  man  of  trade.  What  reconciles 
him  to  the  toil  of  business  ?  What  enables 
him  to  endure  the  fastidiousness  and  imperti- 
nence of  customers  ?  What  rewards  him  for 
so  many  hours  of  tedious  confinement  ?  By- 
and-by,  the  season  of  intercourse  will  arrive  ; 
he  will  be  embosomed  in  the  caresses  of  his 
family  ;  he  will  behold  the  desire  of  his  eyes, 
and  the  children  of  his  love,  for  whom  he  re- 
signs his  ease  ;  and  in  their  welfare  and  smiles 
he  will  find  his  recompense. 

Yonder  comes  the  labourer.  He  has  borne 
the  burden  and  heat  of  the  day :  the  descend- 


224  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS, 

ing  sun  has  released  him  from  his  toil,  and  he 
is  hastening  home  to  enjoy  repose.  Half-way 
down  the  lane,  by  the  side  of  which  stands  his 
cottage,  his  children  run  to  meet  him :  one  he 
carries,  and  one  he  leads.  The  companion  of 
his  humble  life  is  ready  to  furnish  him  with  his 
plain  repast.  See,  his  toil-worn  countenance 
assumes  an  air  of  cheerfulness  ;  his  hardships 
are  forgotten ;  fatigue  vanishes  ;  he  eats,  and 
is  satisfied  ;  the  evening  fair,  he  walks  w^ith 
uncovered  head  ai'ound  his  garden  ;  enters 
again,  and  retires  to  rest :  and  '  the  rest  of  a 
labouring  man  is  sweet,  whether  he  eat  httle 
or  much.'  Inhabitant  of  this  lonely,  lowly 
dwelling,  who  can  be  indifferent  to  thy  com- 
fort !     '  Peace  be  to  this  house.' 

*Let  not  ambition  mock  thy  useful  toils. 
Thy  HOMELY  joys,  atiil  destiny  obscure; 

Nor  gramleur  hear,  with  a  disdainful  smile. 
The  short  and  simple  annaU  of  the  poor.' 

Secondly,  We  may  consider  this  happiness 
in  reference  to  the  afflictions  of  life.  It 
looks  like  a  general  remedy,  furnished  by  the 
kindness  of  Providence,  to  alleviate  the  troubles 
which,  fi"om  various  quarters,  we  unavoidab}y 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  225 

feel  while  passing  through  this  world  of  vanity 
and  vexation  of  spirit.  How  many  little  sigh- 
ing vacancies  does  it  fill  up  !  How  many 
cloudy,  nervous  vapours  does  it  chase  from  the 
mind !  Whose  frowns  and  gloom  will  not  the 
mirth  of  a  child  dissipate  ?  What  corroding 
anxieties  will  not  retire  from  the  attentions  of 
a  virtuous  wife  !  What  a  consolation  is  her 
gentleness !  Who  has  not  experienced  its 
healing,  enlivening  influence,  in  the  day  of 
sickness  and  in  the  hour  of  depression  ?  Is 
your  confidence  frequently  checked  by  the 
baseness  and  dissimulation  of  mankind  ?  Here 
your  candor  recovers,  and  you  are  reconciled 
to  your  fellow  creatures  again.  Does  the  be- 
haviour of  too  many  with  whom  you  have  to 
do,  cherish  a  dissatisfaction  which  sours  life  ? 
Here  a  serenity,  a  sweetness,  spreads  over  the 
mind,  from  the  simplicity,  openness,  and  kind- 
ness, with  which  you  are  surrounded.  Are 
you  repulsed  by  others  ?  Here  you  are  re- 
ceived w^ith  open  and  welcome  arms.  Does 
the  storm  rage  without  ?  Behold  an  asylum 
within.  Here  we  realize  an  emblem  of  the 
Saviour  :  it  says  to  us,  '  In  the  world  ye  shall 
20 


226  DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS. 

have  tribulation,  but  in  me  ye  shall  have  peace.' 
Here  '  the  v.icked  cease  from  troubling,'  and 
here  '  the  weary  are  at  rest.' 

Thirdly.  We  may  consider  this,  happiness 
in  reference  to  the  good  things  of  this 
LIFE.  Without  this,  all  will  be  insipid,  all 
will  be  useless.  Your  titles  of  distinction,  and 
your  robes  of  office,  are  laid  aside  before  you 
enter  your  own  dwelling.  There  the  senator, 
the  minister,  the  lawyer,  draw  back  ;  and  we 
behold  only  the  husband,  the  father,  the  man  1 
There  you  stand  only  in  those  relations  in 
wliich  nature  has  placed  you.  There  you 
feel  only  your  personal  character.  What  re- 
mains after  these  deductions  are  made,  ascer- 
tains your  value.  You  are  to  judge  of  your 
worth  by  the  honour  you  command  where  rank 
does  not  overawe  ;  of  your  importance,  by  the 
esteem  and  admiration  you  engage  when  de- 
prived of  all  adventitious  appendages  ;  of  your 
happiness,  by  the  resources  you  possess  to 
give  cheerfulness  and  charms  to  those  return- 
ing hours  which  no  splendor  gilds,  which  no 
fame  inspires,  and  in  which  all  the  attractions 
of  popularity  fail.     For  what  would  it  avail 


DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS.  227 

you  to  live  in  popular  opinion,  and  to  be  fol- 
lowed with  applause  home  to  your  very  door, 
if  you  were  then  to  be  compelled  to  continue 
in  the  element  of  discord,  the  seat  of  strife,  the 
house  of  bondao;e  and  correction  ?  Imagine 
yourselves  prosperous  in  your  affairs ;  trade 
pouring  in  wealth,  your  grounds  bringing  forth 
plentifully,  your  cup  running  over.  Misery 
under  your  own  roof  would  be  sufficient  to 
canker  your  gold  and  silver  ;  to  corrupt  your 
abundance ;  to  embitter  every  pleasure  ;  to 
make  you  groan,  even  on  a  costly  sofa,  '  All 
this  availeth  me  nothing !' 

Fourthly.     Let  us  consider  it  in  reference 

to  THE  SEDUCTIONS  AND  SNARES  OF  THE 

WORLD.  From  the  danger  of  these,  there  is 
no  better  preservative  than  the  attractions  of  a 
family.  The  more  a  man  feels  his  welfare 
lodged  in  his  own  house,  the  more  will  he 
prize  and  love  it.  The  more  he  is  attached 
to  his  wife  and  children,  the  less  will  he  risk 
their  peace  and  comfort  by  hazardous  specula- 
tions, and  mad  enterprises  in  trade.  A  life  of 
innocency,  regularity,  and  repose,  in  the  affec- 
tions of  his  family,  will  check  the  rovings  of 


228  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS. 

restless  ambition,  and  secure  him  from  the  fol- 
hes  of  the  pride  of  hfe.  '  Evil  communications 
corrupt  good  manners.'  But  these  pleasing 
cords  will  draw  him  back  from  '  the  counsel 
of  the  ungodly,'  ^  the  way  of  sinners,'  '  the 
seat  of  the  scornful.'  In  vain  will  he  be 
tempted  to  go  abroad  for  company  or  for  plea- 
sure, when  home  supplies  him  with  both. 
'  And  what,'  says  he,  *  are  the  amusements 
and  dissipations  of  the  world  ?  I  have  better 
enjoyments  already :  enjoyments  springing 
fresh  from  the  growth,  the  improvement,  the 
culture  of  our  rising  charge ;  from  our  rural 
walks  ;  from  our  social  evenings  ;  from  our 
reading  and  conversation  ;  from  our  cheerful, 
lively,  mutual  devotion.  Here  are  pleasures 
perpetually  renewing,  and  which  never  cloy. 
Here  are  entertainments  placed  easily  within 
our  reach,  and  which  require  no  laborious 
preparation,  no  costly  arrangement.  Here  I 
acknowledge  only  the  dominion  of  nature  ; 
and  follow  only  the  bias  of  inclination.  Here 
I  have  no  weaknesses  to  hide,  no  mistakes  to 
dread.  Here  my  gratifications  are  attended 
with  no  disgrace,  no  remorse.     They  leave 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  229 

no  stain,  no  sting  behind.  I  fear  no  reproach 
from  my  understanding,  no  reckoning  from  my 
conscience ;  my  prayers  are  not  hindered. 
My  heart  is  made  better ;  I  am  softened,  pre- 
pared for  duty,  allured  to  the  throne  of  grace. 
And  can  I  be  induced  to  exchange  all  this,  O 
ye  votaries  of  the  world,  for  your  anxieties, 
confusion,  agitations,  and  expense  ? 

*  Who  will  show  me  any  good  ?'  is  the  cry. 
The  world  passing  along  hears  it,  and  says, 
Follow  me  ;  emulate  this  splendor  ;  mix  with 
this  throng ;  pursue  these  diversions.  We 
comply.  We  run,  and  we  run  in  vain  :  the 
prize  was  nigh  us  when  we  began  ;  but  our 
folly  drew  us  away  from  it.  Let  us  return 
home,  and  we  shall  find  it.  Let  us  remember 
that  happiness  prefers  calmness  to  noise,  and 
the  shades  to  publicity  ;  that  it  depends  more 
upon  things  cheap  and  common,  than  upon 
things  expensive  and  singular :  that  it  is  not 
an  exotic  which  we  are  to  import  from  the 
ends  of  the  earth,  but  a  plant  which  grows  in 
our  own  field,  and  in  our  own  garden.  Every 
man  may  be  made  happy,  if  you  could  induce 
him  to  make  a  proper  estimate  of  happiness  ; 


230  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS. 

if  you  could  keep  him  from  judging  after  out- 
ward appearances  ;  if  you  could  persuade  him 
to  stoop,  rather  than  to  aspire  ;  to  kneel,  rather 
than  to  fly.  To  confine  us  to  our  respective 
stations,  God  has  wisely  rendered  happiness 
only  attainable  in  them  :  were  it  placed,  not 
in  the  way  of  duty,  but  on  the  other  side  of 
the  boundary,  the  very  position  would  lead  us 
astray,  and  seduce  us  to  transgress.  But  home 
is  not  always  heaven,  nor  is  domestic  life  nec- 
essarily productive  of  domestic  happiness. 
Hence  it  becomes  needful, 

II.    To  open  its  sources,  and  examine  on 

what  it  DEPENDS. 

It  does  not  depend  upon  rank  and  afflu- 
ence. It  is  confined  to  no  particular  condi- 
tion :  the  servant  may  enjoy  it,  as  well  as  the 
master  ;  the  mechanic,  as  well  as  the  nobleman. 
It  exhilarates  the  cottage,  as  well  as  the  pal- 
ace. What  am  I  saying  ?  What  says  common 
opinion  ?  Does  it  not  invariably  associate 
more  enjoyment  with  the  lowly  roof,  than  with 
the  towering  mansion  ?  Ask  those  who  have 
risen  from  inferior  life,  whether  their  satisfac- 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  231 

lion  has   increased  with  their  circumstances  : 


whether  they  have  never  advanced  to  the  brow 
of  the  eminence  they  have  ascended,  and, 
looking  down,  sighed,  '  Ah  !  happy  vale,  from 
how  much  was  I  sheltered  while  I  was  in  thee  1' 

We  may  also  observe,  that  some  individuals 
seem  much  more  qualified  to  enjoy  this  happi- 
ness than  others.  Some  have  little  taste  for 
any  thing.  They  are  made  up  of  stupidi- 
ties :  they  have  eyes,  but  they  see  not ;  ears, 
but  hear  not.  They  are  the  automatons  of 
nature  ;  the  machines  of  Providence  ;  doing 
the  work  which  the  constitution  of  the  world 
requires  of  them,  devoid  of  any  lively  emotions. 
If  they  ever  feel,  it  is  only  from  the  impression 
of  something  tumultuous  and  violent ;  if  they 
are  ever  pleased,  it  is  only  with  factitious  joys. 
But  others  are  full  of  life  and  sensibility.  They 
are  susceptible  of  delicate  impressions  :  they 
love  every  thing  tranquil ;  rehsh  every  thing 
simple ;  enjoy  every  thing  natural ;  and  are 
touched  and  dissolved  by  a  thousand  pleasing 
circumstances  which  convey  nothing  to  others. 

There  are,  however,  some  things  which 
have  an  indispensable  influence  in  producing 


232  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS. 

and  maintaining  the  welfare  of  families,  which 
fall  more  properly  under  our  cultivation.  Or- 
der, GOOD  TEMPER,  GOOD  SENSE,  RELIGIOUS 

PRINCIPLES.  These  will  bless  thy  dwelling, 
and  fill  thy  '  tabernacle  with  the  voice  of  re- 
joicing.' 

First.  Without  order  you  can  never  rule 
well  your  own  house.  '  God  is  not  the  God 
of  confusion.'  He  loves  order ,  order  pervades 
all  his  works.  He  overlooks  nothing.  '  He 
calleth  the  stars  by  their  names.'  '  He  num- 
bereth  the  hairs  of  our  head.'  '  He  appointeth 
the  moon  for  seasons ;  and  the  sun  knoweth 
his  going  down.'  There  is  no  discord,  no 
clashing,  in  all  the  immense,  the  amazing 
whole  !  He  has  interposed  his  authority,  and 
enjoined  us  '  to  do  every  thing  decently,  and 
in  order.'  And  this  command  is  founded  in  a 
regard  to  our  advantage.  It  calls  upon  you 
to  lay  down  rules,  and  to  walk  by  them  ;  to 
assign  every  thing  its  proper  place,  its  allow- 
ance of  time,  its  degree  of  importance  ;  to  ob- 
serve regularity  in  your  meals,  in  your  devo- 
tions, in  your  expenses.  From  order  spring 
frugality,  economy,  charity.    From  order  result 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  233 

beauty,  hannony,  concurrence.  Without  order 
there  can  be  no  government,  no  happiness. 
Peace  flies  from  confusion.  Disorder  entano-les 
all  our  affairs  ;  hides  from  us  the  end,  and 
keeps  from  us  the  clew  ;  we  lose  self-posses- 
sion; and  become  miserable,  because  per- 
plexed, hurried,  oppressed,  easily  provoked. 
Secondly.  Many  things  will  arise  to  try 
your  TEMPER :  and  he  is  unqualified  for  social 
life  who  has  no  rule  over  his  own  spirit :  '  who 
cannot  bear,'  to  use  the  words  of  a  good  writer, 
'  the  frailties  of  his  fellow  creatures  with  com- 
mon charity,  and  the  vexations  of  life  with 
common  patience.'  Peter,  addressing  wives, 
reminds  them  that  '  the  ornament  of  a  meek 
and  quiet  spirit  is  in  the  sight  of  God  of  great 
price.'  And  Solomon  often  mentions  the  op- 
posite blemish  in  illustrating  the  female  char- 
acter. '  It  is  better  to  dwell  in  a  corner  of  the 
house-top,  than  with  a  brawling  woman  in  a 
wide  house.'  '  The  contentions  of  a  wife  are 
a  continual  dropping'  —  and  so  on.  We  should 
deem  it  invidious  to  exemphfy  this  imperfec- 
tion in  one  sex  only :  we  would  address  you 
equally ;   and  call  upon  jou,  as  you  value  a 


234  DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS. 

peaceful  abode,  to  maintain  a  control  over  your 
tempers.  Beware  of  passion  ;  say  little  when 
under  irritation  ;  turn  aside  ;  take  time  to  re- 
flect and  to  cool  ;  a  word  spoken  unadvisedly 
with  your  lips  may  produce  a  wound  which 
weeks  cannot  heal.  '  I  would  reprove  thee,' 
said  the  philosopher,  '  were  I  not  angry.'  It 
is  a  noljle  suggestion.  Apply  it  in  your  repre- 
hension of  servants  and  correction  of  children. 
But  there  is  something  against  which  you 
should  be  more  upon  your  guard  than  occa- 
sional sallies  of  passion — I  mean  habitual  pet- 
tishness.  The  former  may  be  compared  to  a 
brisk  shower  which  is  soon  over ;  the  latter, 
to  a  sleet,  drizzling  rain  driving  all  the  day 
long.  The  mischief  which  is  such  a  disturber 
of  social  enjoyment,  is  not  the  anger  which  is 
lengthened  into  malice,  or  vented  in  revenge  ; 
but  that  w^iich  oozes  out  in  constant  fretfulness, 
murmuring,  and  complaint :  it  is  that  which 
renders  a  man  not  formidable,  but  troublesome  ; 
it  is  that  which  converts  him,  not  into  a  tiger, 
but  into  a  gnat.  Good  humour  is  tlie  cordial, 
the  balm  of  life.  The  possessor  of  it  spreads 
satisfaction  wherever  he  comes,   and  he  par- 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  235 

takes  of  the  pleasure  he  gives.  Easy  in  him- 
self, he  is  seldom  offended  with  those  around 
him.  Calm  and  placid  within,  every  thing 
without  wears  the  most  favourable  appearance  ; 
while  the  mind,  agitated  by  peevishness  or 
passion,  like  a  ruffled  pool,  even  reflects  every 
agreeable  and  lovely  image  false  and  distorted. 
Thirdly.  The  influence  and  advantage  of 
GOOD  SENSE  are  incalculable.  What  streams, 
what  vessels,  are  the  noisy,  the  shallow,  the 
empty  !  Who  are  the  unyielding  ?  The 
ignorant,  who  mistake  obstinacy  for  firmness. 
Who  are  the  infallible  ?  They  who  have  not 
reflection  enough  to  see  how  liable  and  how 
likely  we  are  to  err ;  they  who  cannot  com- 
prehend how  much  it  adds  to  a  man's  wisdom 
to  discover,  and  to  his  humility  to  acknowledge, 
a  fault.  Good  sense  will  preserve  us  from 
censoriousness ;  will  lead  us  to  distinguish  cir- 
cumstances ;  to  draw  things  from  the  dark 
situation  of  prejudice  which  rendered  them 
frightful,  that  we  may  candidly  survey  them 
in  open  day.  Good  sense  will  keep  us  from 
looking  after  visionary  perfection.  The  in- 
firmities 1  behold  are  not  peculiar  to  my  con- 


286  DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS. 

nexlons  ;  others,  if  equally  near,  would  betray 
the  same  :  universal  excellence  is  unattainable  ; 
no  one  can  please  in  every  thing.  And  who 
am  I,  to  demand  a  freedom  from  imperfections 
in  others,  while  I  am  encompassed  with  infirm- 
ities myself?'  Good  sense  will  lead  us  to 
study  dispositions,  peculiarities,  accommoda- 
tions ;  to  weigh  consequences  ;  to  determine 
what  to  observe  and  what  to  pass  by  ;  when 
to  be  immoveable  and  when  to  yield.  Good 
sense  w^ill  produce  good  manners  ;  will  keep 
us  from  taking  freedoms  and  handling  things 
roughly  ;  for  love  is  delicate,  confidence  is 
tender.  Good  sense  will  never  agitate  claims 
of  superiority  ;  it  will  teach  us  to  '  submit  our- 
selves one  to  another,  in  the  fear  of  God.'  Good 
sense  will  lead  persons  to  regard  their  own  du- 
ties, rather  than  to  recommend  those  of  others. 
Fourthly.  We  must  go  beyond  all  this, 
and  remind  you  of  those  religious  princi- 
ples by  which  you  are  to  be  governed.  These 
are  to  be  found  in  the  word  of  God  ;  and  as 
many  as  walk  according  to  this  rule,  mercy 
and  peace  shall  be  upon  them.  God  has  en- 
gaged that  if  you  will  walk  in  his  way,  you 


DOMESTIC  HAPPINESS.  237 

shall  find  rest  unto  your  souls.  If  it  be  said, 
There  are  happy  families  without  religion,  I 
would  answer,  First,  There  is  a  difference  be- 
tween appearances  and  reality.  Secondly,  If 
we  believe  the  scripture,  this  is  impossible  : 
'  the  way  of  transgressors  is  hard  :  there  is 
no  peace,  saith  my  God,  unto  the  wicked.' 
Thirdly,  Religion  secures  those  duties,  upon 
the  performance  of  wiiich  the  happiness  of 
households  depends.  Would  any  man  have 
reason  to  complain  of  servants,  of  children,  or 
of  any  other  relation,  if  they  were  all  influenced 
by  the  spirit,  and  regulated  by  the  dictates  of 
the  gospel  ?  Much  of  religion  lies  in  the  dis- 
charge of  these  relative  duties  ;  and  to  enforce 
these,  religion  brings  forward  motives  the  most 
powerful,  and  always  binding;  calls  in  con- 
science, and  God,  and  heaven,  and  hell. — 
Fourthly,  Religion  attracts  the  divine  blessing, 
and  all  we  possess  or  enjoy  depends  upon  its 
smiles.  God  can  elevate  or  sink  us  in  the 
esteem  of  others  :  he  can  send  us  business  or 
withhold  it :  he  can  command  or  forbid  thieves 
to  rob,  and  flames  to  devour  us  :  he  can  ren- 
der all  we  have  satisfying,  or  distasteful ;   and 


238  DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS. 

they  that  honour  him  he  will  honour.  '  The 
house  of  the  wicked  shall  be  overthrown,  but 
the  tabernacle  of  the  upright  shall  flourish. 
The  curse  of  the  Lord  is  in  the  house  of  the 
wicked ;  but  he  blesseth  the  habitation  of  the 
just.'  Finally,  Religion  prepares  us  for  all 
events.  If  w^e  succeed,  it  keeps  our  prosperity 
from  destroying  us.  If  we  suffer,  it  preserves 
us  from  fainting  in  the  day  of  adversity.  It 
turns  our  losses  into  gains  ;  it  exalts  our  joys 
into  praises  ;  it  makes  prayers  of  our  sighs  ; 
and,  in  all  the  uncertainties  of  time  and  changes 
of  the  world,  it  sheds  on  the  mind  a  '  peace 
which  passeth  all  understanding.'  It  unites  us 
to  each  other,  not  only  as  creatures,  but  as 
Christians  ;  not  only  as  strangers  and  pilgrims 
upon  earth,  but  as  heirs  of  glory,  honour,  and 
immortality.  —  For  you  must  separate  ;  it  is 
useless  to  keep  back  the  mortifying  truth.  It 
was  the  condition  upon  w^iich  your  union  was 
formed.  O  man  I  it  was  a  mortal  finger  upon 
which  you  placed  the  ring,  vain  emblem  of 
perpetuity.  O  woman  !  it  was  a  dying  hand 
that  imposed  it.  After  so  many  mutual  and 
growing  attachments,  to  separate  !    What  is  to 


DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS.  239 

be  done  here  ?  O  Religion,  Religion,  come, 
and  relieve  us  in  a  case  where  every  other  as- 
sistance fails.  Come,  and  teach  us  not  to  wrap 
up  our  chief  happiness  in  the  creature.  Come, 
and  bend  our  wills  to  the  pleasure  of  the  Al- 
mighty, and  enable  us  to  say,  '  It  is  the  Lord  I 
let  him  do  what  seemeth  him  good  :  the  Lord 
gave,  and  the  Lord  hath  taken  away  ;  and 
blessed  be  the  name  of  the  Lord.'  Come,  and 
tell  us  that  they  are  disposed  of  infinitely  to 
their  advantage ;  that  the  separation  is  tempo- 
rary ;  that  a  time  of  re-union  will  come  ;  that  we 
shall  see  their  faces  and  hear  their  voices  ao:ain. 
Take  two  Christians,  who  have  been  walk- 
ing together,  like  '  Zechariah  and  Elisabeth, 
in  all  the  commandments  and  ordinances  of  the 
Lord,  blameless.'  Is  the  connexion  dissolved 
by  death  ?  No.  We  take  the  Bible  along 
with  us  ;  and  inscribe  on  their  tomb,  '  Pleasant 
in  hfe,  and  in  death  not  divided.'  Is  the  one 
removed  before  the  other  ?  He  becomes  an 
attraction  to  the  other ;  he  draws  him  forward, 
and  is  w^aiting  to  '  receive  him  into  everlasting 
habitations.'  Let  us  suppose  a  pious  family 
re-uniting  together,  after  following  each  other 


240  DOMESTIC   HAPPINESS. 

successively  down  to  the  grave.  How  unlike 
every  present  meeting!  Here  our  intercourse 
is  chilled  with  the  certainty  of  separation  : 
there  we  shall  meet,  to  part  no  more ;  we 
shall  be  forever  with  each  other,  and  forever 
with  the  Lord.  Now  affliction  often  enters  our 
circle,  and  the  distress  of  one  is  the  concern 
of  all :  then  we  shall  '  rejoice  with  them  that 
rejoice,'  but  not  '  weep  with  them  that  weep  ;' 
for  '  all  tears  shall  be  wiped  from  our  eyes, 
and  the  days  of  our  mourning  shall  be  ended.' 
Come  then,  my  dear  hearers,  and  invite  the 
religion  of  the  blessed  Jesus,  this  one  thing 
needful,  this  universal  benefactor  of  mankind. 
It  has  '  the  promise  of  the  life  that  now  is,  and 
of  that  which  is  to  come.'  It  secures  our  in- 
dividual and  our  relative  happiness.  It  brings 
peace  into  our  bosoms,  and  joy  into  our  dwell- 
ings. Let  us  resolve  to  pursue  it  ourselves  ; 
let  us  enforce  it  upon  our  connexions.  Let  us 
dedicate  our  tabernacles  to  God  ;  offer  the 
morning  and  evening  sacrifice  of  prayer  and  of 
praise  :  and  whatever  be  the  determination  of 
others,  let  each  of  us  say,  for  ourselves,  '  As 
for  me  and  my  house,  we  will  serve  the  Lord.* 


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